In a very bad place at the moment regarding real event incest OCD and POCD. The guilt and disgust of my past actions are eating me alive, to the point where I’m convinced it is not OCD. Having intense suicidal thoughts etc about this!
I guess, but those thoughts went on in your head, I actually did through action some fucked up stuff before I had OCD and now I regret my decisions sincerely; but I feel as if I can’t get passed it because it happened and I chose to do it back when I was a late teen of 16/17 (I’m 21 now). I hate myself so much for it and would never do the things I did anymore 😢
Your thoughts aren’t you. YOU don’t enjoy them so much because they don’t align with how you know you want to feel. OCD blurs the lines of truth, it’s up to you to stop searching for “truth” and to just know who you are. If you feel suicidal it’s obvious that you don’t enjoy the sensations/ thoughts your anxiety being about…it’s all just ocd. No matter how “real” it feels, best of luck man
@m3322o Thanks, the only problem is that these events happened before I had OCD, I just didn’t think much of it at the time (which is stupid), but the actions that I did regarding my real events linked to incest ocd and Pocd lead me to believe that I am genuinely a horrible person. I am absolutely ashamed of what I’ve done; and if I could go back to change it all I would, but it happened so I really don’t know if it’s OCD or not!
@Anonymous I understand:/
@Lew818 Would you like to share your experience as well? I feel like I’m so alone in this, and have messed up terribly; and that I’m living a fake life
@Anonymous “Genuinely horrible people” don’t feel ashamed and don’t want to go back and change the things they have done. The fact that what you would do now is different shows that you’ve grown, so even if you hate what you did, know that you’ve improved. You and Your life can still improve
Thank you, your words mean a lot, I’ve been wanting to get therapy but I’m not sure if I need insurance or anything; or even how much it costs for that matter. I’m also scared that it’s not OCD and a therapist will think that it’s genuinely real because of what I done, it feels as if I deserve nothing, especially my girlfriend 😢
@Anonymous Therapists who know OCD will understand, but it will still be scary to tell them. From personal experience though, I found it to be so worth it. Something that helped me was telling a stranger on a private national suicide hotline before opening up to a therapist. If you can get insurance I’d recommend it. My school(college) has insurance and that makes it significantly more affordable. Just because you’ve made mistakes or done something you regret it doesn’t mean you don’t deserve happiness now. Keep in mind, your girlfriend feels you deserve to be with her, or else she wouldn’t be with you. You have grown, you feel remorse, you are okay! Good luck
@Anonymous I know but my girlfriend knows about none of this; if my friends and family knew then they would certainly think I was genuinely abhorrent. In fact it was with a conversation I had with my girlfriend that led me to think on these past memories; and to my horror realise exactly what she was describing resonated with me when I was a stupid late teen! I hate the things I’ve done honestly, I’m so ashamed and feel like I do not deserve to live, been having some anxiety and panic attacks today because of it!
@Anonymous Ah man. I’ve been there. I felt the same way, and even though I’m doing better now there’s no way I’m telling my friends or family about the stuff that’s gone on in my head. That’s why I really liked talking to the suicide hotline, and why therapy can be so helpful, because you don’t have to worry about how the people on your life might react, but can still get help and support and grow and overcome
Getting eaten alive by thoughts right now, when I was a child me and other kids around my age would experiment and do things we shouldn’t have, I’m talking very young, like 3-5 as I got older I was for whatever reason always curious to a horrible extent and it lead me to do in appropriate things to kids around me, I was 7-8 at the time. I would say it happened 3 times in total in my childhood. And i eventually told my parents the last time it happened because even though I didn’t know it at the time. I had ocd. And I knew it was bad. That was when it all started. I feel absolutely disgusted with my 7 year old self and it comes up every once in a while especially when I hear anything about sexual abuse. I’m nearly 20 now and I enjoy my life for the most part and I’ve been down the ocd path before but I feel unforgivable. And I never want to tell anyone about it, but my ocd seems to want that. I have a beautiful girlfriend that had some traumatic things happen to her and I love her with my soul. I don’t ever want that to come up. Because that’s not who I am. When will I be able to forgive myself? If at all I hope I’m not alone.
I’m out of energy my cod feels at its worst I actually feel like I’m bad and there is something wrong with me I feel numb I can’t cry or be anxious over anything and I don’t know what to do because I don’t feel normal now it feels like I’m bad. I had this stabbing thought which I after started deliberately imaging to test myself but instead it felt like I like the feeling and know how it feels to stab someone then I was getting this feeling that I liked it wanted it or would enjoy it and it felt extremely real like i wanted it because it would feel ‘good’ I cant explain it but it suddenly felt like I enjoy or want it almost like I wanted to feel the feeling of doing that bad thing because I ‘like it’ I have no energy I can’t get over that feeling because it now felt like I actually wanted it I don’t know what is going on I’m worrying now I will actually want that to know how it is or as if I’ve discovered what evil people like or why they enjoy it and now I’m so lost and confused and I feel numb I don’t even know if I want or don’t want it and people always say with ocd they feel like they want it but they know deep down it’s against their morals or they would never do that but it literally feels like I don’t know now and it felt like a real feeling that I thought there was something good or enjoyable about doing that thing and I’m concerned I’ve had ocd for 2/3 years now and I’ve gone through crying and being upset and all the different emotions of having it and now I’m experiencing this and worried if I’ve changed and what if I’m actually evil now or have come to like evil things from imagining it and I want to talk to someone I don’t know what to do the other day it felt really real that it was about to happen and that I wanted to and I was getting this sick feeling that I was happy or liked it. Please I need advice I can’t get over this and move on because it feels like it wasn’t ocd and that feeling still happens and how can I ignore it and even if I try to ignore it I can’t because it felt real that I liked it and now it feels like there’s no going back if it felt like I actually liked it 🙁🙁
Hello everyone, forgive my bad English since it is not my native language, I have been suffering from OCD for 6 years now. It started with being afraid of harming my loved ones and soon it escalated. All of this leads us here towards sexual obsessions. I was abused many times when I was a child. I don't know if that had any impact on my sexual issues. so everything lead up to a intrusive tought of what would happend if i touch myself with a picture of your parents" and I ended up paying attention to the intrusive tought and i ended up doing what my intrusive tought told me so i said to me "OCD would make me touch myself for everything i loved so what, i would do it before the anxiety attacks" and I end up in a spiral of having touched myself by several photos of my family members, friends and even my own therapist all wanting to prevent future compulsions and anxiety now I only think about taking my life, I never wanted that to happen I am not a monster who has sexual desire towards my loved ones I fell under my own intrusive thought and the only thing I think about now is taking my life life for what I've done
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