- Date posted
- 1y
Urgent Worry
I'm scared, i thought and i realized something. I used to have homophobic ideas for which i feel incredibly bad, and for which i feel a lot of guilt, as i improved mentally i had an easier time changing my mind and obviously i no longer have ideas like that. I'm now respectful, i even sometimes doubt if i am actually bisexual; The thing is, I'm afraid that i actually have internalized homophobia, when i see a homosexual couple i don't feel disgust, but it stands out in my mind, it is not the same feeling as seeing a heterosexual couple, that is worrying me a lot, it's not a negative feeling except when i have intrusive thoughts about it, but it's a feeling of a bit of surprise, i do not act under that feeling, even though my family is quite homophobic i never try to disrespect or make someone feel surprising (homosexual, trans, or non-binary person), but i have guilt for feeling that surprise when seeing or knowing that. I know that's weird, because it should feel the same as seeing a straight couple, and it's supposed to be normalized to that point, i'm scared that i actually still have homophobic or terrible ideas, that i am a terrible person in denial and that only because of my obsessions or my fears of being rejected my morals changed, i am afraid of being someone horrible inside without realizing it