Cheating OCD

Does anyone else suffer through this and have advice on how to handle it? It's like I have a dream about security intimacy with another woman I know, but I clearly do not want that and never have wanted that with that person. I love my wife so much and I feel utterly guilty. Should I tell my wife? Or is that just compulsion for relief? I continue to think "what if I liked that feeling in the dream?" Or "you cheated because of this and because of past events." I've never been in an intimate relationship or really any relationship at all, and I know I would never cheat. Like I found girls attractive, but not like I want to have a real relationship with or have a sexual one with. Thoughts to help?

AshIsNotTrash

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

OCD will demand we find certainty about the answer to every question that arises of our fears. It sounds like your OCD is demanding you determine whether this dream means something about you or your relationship, but there is no certain answer. Thoughts are just thoughts, and dreams are just dreams, We are the ones who prescribe meaning to them. For the sake of ERP, and leaning into the fear, maybe that dream does mean you cheated, or maybe your OCD knows it's goes against your values and it's purposefully using it as a way to bully and continue tormenting you. It's not easy to let go of needing to know for sure whether it means something or not, but when I find myself at this cross roads where I recognize it's OCD but there's a strong sense of urgency to defend my own character, I remind myself that it will always try to attack and attach itself to the things I love the most and care about the most. I know it doesn't provide certainty or a definitive answer, but that's more the point and I hope it at least gives you direction and a feeling of community knowing you aren't the only one whose going up against a brain like this ❤️

Sam N

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

@AshIsNotTrash Thank you for this advice. I guess it keeps thinking back to instances where I "jerked" to photos of someone I know, but never had any relationship or wanting to have a relationship. But OCD keeps playing in my head that "oh what if you actually go visit and had sex with her?" Sorry if too descriptive. It's like I obviously love my wife but that feeling of jerking it still keeps coming into my head from the past. My head says I did something wrong, but at the same I know like a photo is just a photo, and honestly I just thought that the girl was attractive to look at nothing more.

Anonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

Remember that OCD thoughts Is ego dystonic. This means they are not a reflection of you or your values. You cannot control your thoughts or your dreams. But you can control how you respond to them.

Sam N

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous Thanks for this, means alot.I guess it's tough sometimes because my values are about loyalty, and in my head it's like jerking to a photo of someone else I know is bad. Even though I don't want a relationship with that person and want to be with my wife. So I get very confused.

Anonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

@Sam N Saying it's "bad" is giving it meaning, which we're not supposed to do, it's tricky I know

Sam N

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous That's also true, it's the certainty OCD is seeking. It's just constantly my head wants to confess when I know over done nothing wrong necessarily. I know it's a bad habit I don't want to carry but it's not like infidelity. And research definitely doesn't help.

OoOcCdD66

Date posted: 24w

R-OCD...cheating fears

Currently I have several different OCD fears that pop up throughout the week depending on the situation. I've noticed a commonality between all of them are the fears relating to memory/false memory. Today is the ROCD struggle I've been dealing with. I know OCD has been trying this on me lately because of how much I love my spouse. They are my absolute best friend and she's my world. I value our marriage and friendship more than anything. OCD has latched onto one specific female coworker. And I don't even know why because even if I were single I wouldn't be into her. Even still, OCD makes me think I've cheated on my wife every time I'm alone with this coworker at work. Always starts as a what if, followed by imagery, followed by feelings that I must've actually done something and can't remember it. Usually fearing I've kissed her. It hurts because I know I'd never do that to my wife and I love her so much...the idea of losing her kills me, especially if it were the result of something I did. Just wanted to vent. Feel free to share your experiences or vents as well

.Anonymous

Date posted: 15w

ROCD/False Memory

I suffer with a constant worry of what if I’ve cheated. You name it I’ve thought I’ve done it. I’m quite flirty at nature and also insecure. Sometimes hand in hand I don’t think they balance each other out as the constant need for attention to validate myself can backfire. Although I have the best partner ever and she makes me feel nothing less than beautiful I still crave validation from others. That being said someone I used to work with left over half a year ago and when they worked at my current place of work we were very close. Text everyday, phone calls you name it. However looking back I was extra flirty as I wanted him to fancy me. I wanted the power to turn him down to make myself feel better. Awful I know. Now all I can think about is what if I’ve done something. What if I kissed him. What if I’ve slept with him etc. I’ve kept our whole conversations from the minute I got his personal number. I constantly search key words to see if my intrusive thoughts are real. I can except the uncertainty my therapist tells me about as if I have done the worst and cheated I would loose my partner and our 10 year relationship. I love her so much she is my life but I can’t stop thinking what if I’ve cheated. Does anyone else suffer with the same theme? If so how do you cope?

Anonymous

Date posted: 13w

Relationship OCD- fear of cheating

I have this deep fear I’ll accidentally cheat on my long term partner. This fear was initially triggered a couple years ago after being at a bar with my friends where I enjoyed the attention of being flirted with by a stranger. Because of my enjoyment of receiving verbal attention, I began spiraling about what if I accidentally cheat. Since then I have made multiple confessions to my partner to seek reassurance, replayed events over and over in my head, spent hours googling/looking at reddit threads, and now I dread “bar like” situations where I know my partner won’t be around. Today I was triggered and have wasted about 4-5 hours of my day ruminating. Does anyone else with relationship ocd struggle with this fear and have any tips?

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