I can’t see any light at the end of this tunnel. I don’t deserve anyone in my life, I know for a fact I don’t deserve my bf and I can guarantee nobody would be with me if they can see inside my brain. I literally avoid calling him because I know I’ll just start crying on the phone. I just can’t get over any of this, I keep finding proof or evidence of being a p and it’s beyond distressing. I feel like I’m living an actual nightmare
This sh** is so hard, I feel you. Hang in there. OCD can make existing feel very hard. But it’s not always like that
@Ad485 It is so rough omg. I honest to God don’t think this is OCD. I can’t find any peace I just try to drown my thoughts in binge watching shows and not talking to people
Considering that it might be OCD, what have you done to try to treat it? You deserve that <3 I promise
@meep.meep I haven’t done much to treat it :/ I just spend like everyday looking through posts on this app or Reddit to see if other people relate. I haven’t done any ERP therapy because I don’t see how it would help my case at all. But thank you ❤️
@ck99 - I came to find out I have OCD because I was having intrusive thoughts about being a pedophile. Very afraid, I googled what I was experiencing and the first result was about OCD. I never would have guessed or known otherwise, and I still questioned it for a while (as is the nature of OCD *weeee*). I was pretty hesitant when it came to trying ERP, not believing it was possible that my thoughts might be untrue, not understanding how ERP would help, and just straight-up feeling afraid to try it. But I was also incredibly desperate, and I now credit my survival in part to all of the people who challenged the way I was thinking - who indisputably believed that my thoughts were not true. I couldn't bring myself to believe them, but at least they wanted me to stay alive (something I didn't think I deserved). ERP has helped me immensely. I encourage you to at least reach out to a member advocate at OCD, someone through the IOCDF (International OCD Foundation) website, or even possibly someone who offers peer support like Chrissie Hodges (possibly Nathan Peterson, an OCD Specialist, too, I don't know, but his website and YouTube channels are definitely worth utilizing). I also listen to a podcast called the OCD Stories by Stuart Ralph which has greatly helped me as well. Steven Phillipson, Michael J. Greenberg, and John Hershfield are also specialists that I appreciate who have been featured on the podcast, and Katie O'Dunne (as well as her partner Ethan Smith) is someone who lives with OCD who educates others about it all the time. Try googling any of those names with "OCD" next to them. I don't mean for that to be information overload. There just really have been so many lifelines out there and voices of support online that have helped me learn more about, and feel encouraged in struggling with, OCD. I'm sorry that you are having such a hard time right now :( Our stories are not exactly the same, but I do know how hard things can get with OCD. You absolutely deserve to feel better, and I don't just mean temporarily. I hope this helps. Wishing you the best.
@meep.meep You are so sweet, thank you for this message ❤️I’m sorry and hope this isn’t tmi, you do not have to answer this, but did you ever have any groinal response or anything of the sorts when you first had intrusive thoughts?
@meep.meep I will look into those resources too! I did actually watch a video from Chrissie Hodges recently and it did help but of course it’s short lived and I still feel that I’m an outcast
@ck99 - Not tmi :) yes, I did! And I still do. I still get groinal responses with lots of things, but as best as I can, I accept that they happen, don't give them importance, and let them come and go. They're just there, it's okay for me. Hasn't always been easy, but this is something that ERP and acceptance has helped me with, and learning how to make decisions not based on my bodily sensations. I think Chrissie Hodges is actually someone who said something once about groinal responses that has stuck with me, so that's cool that she's helped you too.
@meep.meep Thank you so much for sharing ❤️❤️I’ve gotten them along with arousal feelings so it feels too real to be anything else especially when the anxiety surrounding it is relatively new and way more ego dystonic now. But yes she did share some helpful info! I will try to look into those other resources, you’re too sweet
@ck99 - It is no problem at all. I'm so sorry you're struggling so much with this :( I think the title of your post caught my eye because I know what that feels like - the light doesn't even feel imaginable. I am rooting for you, though. Keep educating yourself, and surround yourself with supportive people as best you can. I would tell you to message me on here if you need to but I don't know if there's a way to do that!
It’s so hard remembering how I felt before the guilt. I can’t imagine not feeling that anymore
Thank you so much :(( I honestly don’t think I deserve any support at all I just don’t know what else to do at this point. And omg I don’t know if we can message at all 😭you’re too sweet, I assume it’s just discussion posts?
Hey! I think so... When I was really struggling with feeling like I didn't deserve anything - support, life, love, etc - I switched my thoughts to thinking, "I may feel like I don't deserve it, but I do need it," based on the knowledge that feeling a basic sense of belonging, support, and love is something that all humans need. I tried to focus on my needs, rather than what I thought I did or didn't deserve. I think that we all deserve for our needs to be met. When someone's needs are met it contributes greatly to their well-being. So that's something that helped me. What are you thoughts?
@meep.meep Thank you for saying that! Totally understand what you’re saying, but I think no matter what I’ll always feel like I don’t deserve anything, even the bare minimum
@ck99 I don't think that has to be definite
@ck99 I hope you're feeling on that does change <3 or at least you start being easier on yourself :) a lot of people have told me to be easier on myself over the years, and they still do sometimes
@meep.meep Thank you ❤️
I feel like I’m crazy like I’m so unstable that I don’t deserve anything good in life. That I don’t deserve my bf because I’m too emotional and unwell that he deserves someone who is better than me and who can control their thoughts. I can’t control myself. I’m scared I’ll lose complete control and hurt myself. I’m scared these thoughts will never go away(I know they will) but they won’t leave. I will feel better for 20 mins and then I actually start crying uncontrollably. It’s 1am and I actually cannot help myself I have no idea what to do I just feel so crazy and hopeless. I want someone to hug me and tell me I’ll be okay but no one is with me. I’m alone in a dark room with my orange cat. My bf is in another city rn and I’m having intrusive thoughts about him too. I wish he was here but he’s not coming back until next weekend omg :(
tw . . . . . . I don't want to trigger anyone, so please be warned before reading. I'm feeling pretty hopeless. I don't know if I deserve... anything. I've had two therapists now tell me I'm normal and I don't need to worry so much, but I find it hard to believe them. Just when I think I'm doing okay, thoughts flood back in. I feel like the world is better off without me in it and that others would agree if they weren't a paid therapist there to give me reassurance. I'm tempted to break up with my boyfriend because he doesn't deserve this. I want to pretend I'm okay for the sake of my parents. But if they passed away, I'm not sure I'd have much strength to live for myself. This feeling is pretty bad right now. Overwhelming. I have absolutely no love for myself. I can't even distract myself by watching TV or shows I love, because all I can think is, "Look at those people. They deserve to live and be happy, and I'm not one of them." Gah, this is bad. I'm an adult, and I feel like such a baby for feeling this way. How dramatic am I? How can other people have similar (if not worse) thoughts than me, and then still be ok with themselves? I miss the person I used to be. I miss feeling okay. I feel ok momentarily, but then it all comes crashing down. I can't stand it. All I want is for things to go back to how they used to be.
I am hurting so much right now. I feel sad and disgusted with myself that I would even worry about these things (pocd). What kind of a human even thinks that and has doubts about that?? Definitely not one that’s rational or mentally sane. That kind of stuff should be a no brainer so why do I worry about it so much and what does it say about me? I feel sick and disgusted and can’t stop crying over it. I just feel so defeated like I want to disappear. I started ERP and every time I resist reassuring myself it comes back at me from every angle. I hate this so much.
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