I'm so hopeless. I have no one to talk about this, so I come here to vent about everything that has been on my mind, haunting me daily. Since I was a little girl, I've dreamt about my prince charming. I grew up with this in mind, but I never got in a relationship, as I've kept my heart shut, as I've dealt with melancholy and social anxiety. People scared me, and I wanted to make things right (on the way I saw fit for myself). Things got better, I grew up, made some friends. And then, on January, hocd came and changed everything. The fact that I watch same sex porn, and that I have never been in a relationship messed me up so bad. And amongst many thoughts, many what ifs, so much uncertainty, one thing is rock solid. I don't see myself with a woman, it doesn't feel right. Even the idea of being bisexual feels foreign for me. I have nothing against people who are LGBT, but that's not who I've always seen myself. And suddenly, that's all I can think of. Nothing else matters, I feel uncaring and cold. I feel like I'll never find a guy that I love, that im just now finding out that I'm LGBT even if I don't want that. I feel awful, and everyday I think about dying. If this thought crossed my mind before, I'd be so appalled by it, but today I'm pretty serious about it. Hocd is killing me little by little, and I'm crying as I write this. My mind tells me I'm in denial, that I'm just afraid of people's reactions, and that once I accept it, I'll be alright. But I don't want that, I simply don't. My mind doesn't work properly, I can't remember how I used to think before all this, but I remember having dreams, imagining scenarios of my "prince charming", of a future that made me cozy and happy. All that's in my mind now is torturous doubt, that feels so real.

Oh my God, thank you all so so much. You have no idea of how much you guys help me. If it wasn't for this app, I dont know what I'd do, who I'd go to. Thanks for listening to me, for being there for me. You are amazing, and deserve much happiness in life. I'll try to keep everything in mind, and look into what you suggested. I love you all!

Thank you so much! I'll try to search for books and more info. It's just so overwhelming and tiring, ocd is torture. I wish you can overcome this too, and get out of this stronger and happier than ever.

First I want to tell you that you are not alone in this. My OCD came really bad 5 months ago and I'd suffered a lot through all of the obsessions, including HOCD. I want to tell you that you are not your thoughts. Deep in your heart, you know your truly desires. The fact that these HOCD thoughts cause you so much anxiety, means that they don't allow with who you are. If you want to get rid of the obsessive and intrusive thoughts, you must follow a technique called ERP. It's about letting your thoughts and doubts being there and experience them, along with the uncomfortable feelings. Remove the compulsive behaviours that make you feel safe, that's making OCD worse. By experiencing your fears, you will habituate to them and eventually they'll fade away on their own. Do me a favour. I'm sure you have an incredible strength inside you and you must use it. I want to recommend you a YouTube channel that is helping me with my OCD. It's called "Restored Minds", and you should watch the videos from the beginning. Have faith and hope, everything will be okay. OCD is treatable and you can overcome this! You are not alone ❤

You sound exactly like me! How long has this been bothering you for?

Oh sorry, since January. How old are you? I would suggest going to therapy before it goes on for too long and scares you even more.

I'm 16 yo. I really wanted to go to therapy, but it's very expensive for my parents, and I don't want to worry them. Some months ago I went to a therapist with whom I didn't have a good experience with and told my parents I felt better so I wouldn't need to go there anymore. I guess I'll have to wait until I have my own money to pay for it.

If therapy isn’t possible for you right now, then maybe you could do ERP by yourself for a while? Maybe you should buy some books and watch some videos online (make sure you watch/buy reliable ones) to help you get started. You’re so young and I would really suggest starting now. I was 15 when it started and I have never sought out any help ever and now I’m older and I’m far too scared. Please try everything you can earlier! Here for you ?

I don’t have this specific experience with my OCD but Ted talks have helped me a lot.! I had the hardest time understanding and putting my experiences into words, until I started watching/listening to other people talk about it. I actually sent my mom a video.