- Date posted
- 1y
Wš
Before my OCD got severe I took a shower every night with no fail. It was not an OCD thing iām simply just a clean person. I like to smell good, I like to go to sleep feeling clean. As my OCD got more and more severe showers stopped being a fun end of the day routine and became a list of compulsions and anxiety. I started only being able to take 1-2 hour long showers and would spend the whole time redoing the same routine over and over. Eventually avoidance kicked in and I literally wouldnāt shower for a week at a time. (Gross, I know but at this point I was EXTREMELY depressed, unmedicated, and my whole life revolved around pleasing/easing my OCD nothing else.). I wouldnāt take care of myself, wouldnāt brush my teeth, shave, or brush my hair. Which is typical but it was horrible for me because not only do I have braces but I also have VERY thick curly hair and if I go even a day without brushing it I will have to spend HOURS the next day brushing all the tangles out. I was/am miserable with the avoidance. Itās gotten A LOT better recently, iāve been able to take 30 minute showers and take them more frequently but still fall into little bouts of depression where I neglect myself for a while. I recently fell into one of those again. Tonight though I wanted to sleep comfortably. I know iāll feel dirty wether I shower or I donāt and I KNOW that iāll be miserable tonight if I donāt shower. So I took one. At 2:46 am. No OCD involved I just wanted to take a shower and feel clean. It was one of the first times iāve taken a shower in almost a year where it felt like taking care of myself. It literally took me less than 15 minutes. I donāt know, just one of those moments I felt proud of :). I wish the person I was a few months ago could see this. I went to universal this past year in the HEIGHT of my OCD and it was miserable because of this. Iād procrastinate showering as long as I could, then iād shower for hours which normally resulted in me ugly sobbing or getting VERY distressed. Then iād spend hours doing a clean up process. Just so I could enjoy myself. Which I couldnāt even do then because I was so focused on keeping myself clean. Also made my family super late every day and we literally only got to stay at the park for an hour or two š¬. I never really think about how far iāve come iām always so discouraged that it will never get better. Hope this can motivate anyone who takes the time to read this because I know it made me realize how much better iāve gotten.