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Oh my god, this is me.. I obsess over cleanliness but i avoid messes outside of my bedroom made from my LITERALLY DISGUSTING ex that sleeps on the couch and I just turn back into my room when try to walk out. I hate that he has control over this house and he’s abusive and has PDA so I can’t even say anything without him denying, being a narcissist and blaming ME somehow for the insane WAVE of grime filth and trash all over LITERALLY EVERYTHING.. I stop myself from showering, brushing my teeth.. doing anything but I hate smelling bad so I take bird baths when he’s gone outside just so I don’t have to see him and I can get back to my daughter.. this feeling is so horrible. I’m proud that you’ve gotten much better, I hope so too