I NEED to beat my OCD

I need to beat this, I will lose my husband if I don’t stop - multiple ways this can happen, don’t need to discuss. I’ve pretended I had my stuff together for so long I’ve been missing some blatant OCD, especially relationship OCD, and it triggers my husband and ruins his progress through C-PTSD therapy. I panic! I can’t co tell myself and I feel like a child having a tantrum but out come the words, the requests for reassurance, the anger at not being reassured etc etc. This type of OCD is my primary right now, but began more as object ocd and magical belief etc (which sometimes are still there). I need to beat this. Or I’ll be forced to suffer the consequences until the end of time.

Wolfram

Date posted: 1y

Hey sorry you're going through this, it sounds incredibly difficult. My mother specialises in ptsd therapy called emdr, is he trying that because it's really good. Had it done for some stuff myself and worked. As for yourself, are you getting therapy? If not, do. Ocd specialist therapy ideally. You may end up doing erp. Whenever stuff gets tough, don't focus on how awful it is or stressful. Focus on what you want. The life you want for yourself and all the happiness that can bring you. It will get you through your darkest times when getting better. It's like a light in the darkness. Head towards it. You can get better. You may lose focus and lapse occasionally, its not easy but it's simple. You didn't ask for the ocd, you don't deserve to suffer. You can do this

chrisDe

Date posted: 1y

@Invalid I am seeing a therapist and she wants to start CBT - I’ve never done it and kind of think it’ll be lame. I’m looking into ERP as well and have made myself a list of things to do (thank you ChatGPT for all the suggestions). I’m not sure I’m getting anywhere with my therapist - I’ve always thought I was just complaining and not actually gaining anything. I’m on Prozac and have a really good psychiatrist but I don’t want more meds thrown at me, but I’m struggling. We had a bad interaction tonight and he’s mad at me, and I can’t stop texting him that I’m sorry and trying to explain myself and he just wants me to stop talking. Texting/explaining myself is essentially requesting reassurance and I know it’s not helping. So I guess it’s good he’s not reassuring me? But I feel like if I don’t repair this I’ll lose him. So messed up :(

Wolfram

Date posted: 1y

@chrisDe It sounds like he wants a little breathing room. That's perfectly healthy. Cbt is OK and works too. I think it helps you focus on what you want and more of a healthier mindset. Sometimes that's all some people need to get better. Erp is more like training the brain and its hormonal/ neurological response to stress. Good thing about our brains is although they can change for the worse, they can also heal. Just remember flying requires more effort than falling so it will be a fight. Therapists will basically teach you how to fight it. I did it wrong for years and was so grateful for my therapist. She was like a teacher, providing me with knowledge and skills to deal with it on my own to the point where I feel like I'm in remission. Key point is with what you're saying, you want to get better. Some people don't because they feel they don't deserve it. Truth is, we all do

Wolfram

Date posted: 1y

When you catch yourself losing focus, refocus. Takes time, practice and repetition to get good at it.

PastSelf25

Date posted: 25w

OCD

I feel like the worst kind of person and I am ruining my husband. I don’t know how I’m going to be able to change.

Anonymous

Date posted: 15w

Willing to do anything.

What is a common family joke. OCD is hereditary on my father's side. However I also live with complex PTSD, and ADHD. I didn't learn till recently how severe my OCD is and the intensity gets amplified if the though goes to either of the other two. It's a loop I've identified recently... just little too late. I've lived with OCD for years not really addressing it till I see that's the very reason I cause damage to loved ones. I'm married, 33, a vet. My marriage is not in the best place now. I have a son who's 4 and already showing signs of OCD. Currently my marriage is at a point where we are working on ourselves. It's discovered that my wife's issues are reflections of my own. I understand fully now that I am the center of the issues but also the solution. I need help for me. What happens with my relationships depends on me showing that I am better and able to process thoughts and emotions better. Journaling helps alot. Trying to do hobbies or this that and 3rd but. I'm willing to try anything. Things are on a line. I'm open to any and all POV and ideas. I'm not out crying. I'm taking a big step for me. Something 25 years over due. Thank you for reading this. As I tell myself now. You'll best this and be better

Medicine2021_

Date posted: 13w

Suicidal OCD and harm OCD

I’ve recently been struggling a lot with OCD. I have had OCD for a long time I just didn’t realize it until more recently. About seven months ago I developed panic attacks one day randomly at work. I thought I was having a heart attack and went to the hospital where they told me it was just a panic attack and I assumed I would snap out and be better within a few days. However it didn’t. Here’s where it gets scary, I was staying at my then boyfriends house while dealing with blurry vision, anxiety attacks everyday, and more (unsure of what was going on). But at some point I saw my bfs (pew pew 🔫) on his table and it sent me into an anxiety attack after sudden thoughts that I was going to hurt myself with it. I begged him to put it away when I’m not looking so I didn’t know where he put it. He did. These thoughts lasted for about four days but began to go away. (I thought that was it and I would be back to normal). Unfortunately though I ended up moving back in with my family when we couldn’t get my panic attacks under control in time for me to get back to work and pay bills. However, coming home brought up a lot of trauma from when I was kid. My anxiety got worse but I didn’t have those thoughts again. About two and half months ago though, I got sick and went to the hospital where they gave me steroid pills and a steroid shot but sent me into some kind of psychiatric event. Ever since then though, I have been suffering from harm OCD, I have had moments of intense anger that I usually have to completely walk away and go on my own because of how intense they are, and it feels like it’s getting worse. Today I felt fine until about and hour and half ago where I started to dwell on the fact that my suicidal thought was influenced by my OCD and at the moment my OCD is at the worst it’s been. This caused me to get suddenly really depressed and I started crying thinking about how I can’t handle this. I then saw a post talking about how suicide rates are high for people with this form of OCD and it made me question if I am mentally strong enough to pull through this. I fear that at times I’m getting worse. I have good days but I have a lot of bad days. Unfortunately this sent me into such a bad panic attack I went over to my nanas crying about how I can’t deal with this. I took a 0.25 mg Xanax which helped calm down the panic attack portion of it but my brain is still uncomfortably active. I guess I just need hope. I’m so saddened by this. It’s like my life took a total 360 in 10 months and got even worse since the steroid shot. Idk what to do about it. I can’t stop the spiral. I talk to two different therapist weekly and start more next week, making it 5 times a week. I feel no improvements…

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