Urge to apologise

There's someone I previously had a relationship with, we were only 15 so not a very mature/deep one and it only lasted a few months. I broke up with them and they were very hurt by it, and later shared posts online about how upset they were and then blocked me. I feel really guilty for hurting them and for not being honest about why I ended it, because essentially at the same time as being with them I was building feelings for my current boyfriend and we got together only a month or so after I broke up with this other person. I feel awful and like I was cheating on the other person, and I've been searching for them on social media and eventually found one of their accounts. It's private but I feel like I really need to apologise, but I'm worried if I request to follow they'll remember me and get upset again. I'm pretty sure my urge to apologise is a compulsion, but I just hate thinking that they don't like me and hate knowing that I hurt them.

Anonymous200

Date posted: 1y

I used to have the urge to apologize to people in my past but, I was told by many people that in life we get hurt by others and we hurt others too even if it’s not our intention. It’s ok to care for someone that’s in the past but in my opinion, I feel like sometimes it’s better to leave what happened in the past. I know everybody is different so I think that you should do whatever you feel the most comfortable with

Cynthiawedding1

Date posted: 1y

You know what, it's probably impossible to find someone that hasn't done crappy things to another person in a relationship. I've said and done things albeit sometimes out of character that has hurt people I love. There's a heavily risk with dating -- you have to risk being hurt so you can find love. You can apologize in your heart or to a deity but don't drive yourself crazy feeling you need to talk to your ex. There's a high chance they don't want to talk to you or wouldn't appreciate the apology. A part of being human is just owning up to our mistakes and learning how to move on without constantly judging yourself.

itsquietuptown

Date posted: 1y

@Cynthiawedding1 Thank you. It’s just so hard to deal with the idea of them disliking me or think of me as a bad person, but I guess I just have to try and be okay with that possibility and move on.

itsquietuptown

Date posted: 1y

I can also see that a friend, who was my best friend at the time but we didn't talk after finishing school but who I've now been messaging a bit more recently and talked about meeting up with soon, follows this person and I have another urge to ask them to look at their account to tell me whether they seem to be okay, because this person struggled with their mental health when I knew them and I want to know if they're okay, and I'm afraid that if they're not it might be partially my fault. But I think my friend would think it was a weird request.

Wolfram

Date posted: 1y

Are you scared what will happen if you do or don't?

itsquietuptown

Date posted: 1y

@Invalid I’m worried that if I don’t apologise they’ll always dislike/resent me or be upset, and that my actions will have affected their mental health and/or future relationships. I’m also worried that if I do try to make contact with them it would upset them as well.

Wolfram

Date posted: 1y

So it's all uncertain. Why would it be so bad if they resented you? That's not in your control no matter what you do right?

itsquietuptown

Date posted: 1y

@Invalid The idea of them resenting me and thinking of me as a bad person makes me feel so guilty and uncomfortable. But yes it is uncertain and of course that’s what OCD hates.

LV4523

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 17w

Need advice!!

Ok I need any and all advice 😭 please help. I’ve been with my boyfriend for over 2 years and feel deeply connected and happy and in love with him. My ex and I were first loves and on and off basically for 5 or so years until I met my current bf. During that time we both were toxic and back and forth and he did some things that were really hurtful. We never really had an “ending” or any actual closure to anything? I just kind of started talking to and liking my current boyfriend. I saw my ex a month ish ago at the bar and wasn’t very nice to him. I was like hyper aware of how I was behaving around him to make sure he didn’t get the wrong idea. I know he has had a really hard time moving on from me. Since then I feel like I have not been able to stop thinking about the past and am questioning a ton about my feelings. I do have ROCD, and I don’t know if this is solely because of that or a mix of that and the emotional loose ends? I don’t know. But I’m feeling such an urge to text him this whole paragraph I’ve drafted about closure, how I don’t even need him to respond, but I just need to get some things off my chest. I feel SO conflicted about sending it. I do not want to rekindle anything with him, but it’s just the principle of texting your ex that makes me feel like I am betraying my boyfriend now. Yet it feels like it’s weighing on me so much - and I’m like is ocd involved? I just don’t know if I should send the text or not. If anyone has been in similar situations or has any helpful advice I would really love and appreciate some because I feel so stuck.

Relationship OCD

crybaby

Date posted: 16w

Advice please!!

I will be straight forward and honest. I have cheated in the past. My last relationship was long term, and I had begged and begged for him to change and in the end he never did. I don’t know why I cheated. And I’m not going to make excuses for myself for why I did. I messed up. The cheating was online, it was never in person. But now, I’m in a new relationship. And he’s everything I have ever wanted in a boyfriend, husband, and best friend. I want this man to be with me the rest of our lives, and I want to see him help raise our future children. But I can’t help but feel such immense guilt, because although I have never cheated on him, his ex had cheated on him. And I truly don’t understand how or why she would…but that’s not my place to comment on. Such a big part of me wants to tell him, and tell him that that’s not me anymore, and I know that we will communicate healthily and openly, unlike my last relationship, which he never wanted to. Not only this, my brain just won’t. stop. thinking…about how I had cheated. I regret doing what I had done, I don’t WANT to cheat anymore, or ever again. Especially with the love of my life I have now. But I’m scared of what do I do if I have a compulsion, or anything revolving around cheating. I want to tell him about it, but I know I shouldn’t, and can’t really tell him as it’s complicated, and I know I would only make things worse. I feel like such a terrible person, and girlfriend, for what I have done and what I’m worried about ‘if I do’, even though I don’t want to. I want to be better, I want to grow. Any advice please would be amazing.

emmmmmmmm1

Date posted: 13w

Stalking stuff

Ok, so when I was in high school I became very obsessive with love. I didn’t love myself and I found this boy who I wanted to love me. I had myself convinced we would get married. He didn’t even know who I was and I’ll admit, I completely invaded his privacy. I memorized his schedule, I put myself in places I knew he’d be or if I knew he was somewhere I’d go. I truly never meant harm, I just wanted him to love me and I thought that me stalking his life would get me into it and get him to love me. It got to the point where I even stalked other girls I thought he liked and told them that we were a “thing” so that they would stop talking to him even though we were definitely not a thing. I struggle to release the guilt of that overall because I feel so so so awful about it, but I know I never meant harm. Anyways, now that we are no longer together, I have this fear that if he never would’ve given me the attention I desired that I would’ve kept going. I would’ve started to get harmful and that I would’ve gone as far as harming people around him in order to get myself into his life. It makes me feel so awful but I truly do feel like I would’ve kept going and kept myself in his life even if he would’ve gotten a different girlfriend. Idk, I just really struggle because I don’t feel as though this was ocd and that maybe I truthfully am a horrible person who does need serious help because I stalked him so much and obsessed over him and crossed his privacy boundary. I’m so afraid to the extent that I would’ve gone had it not become us dating.

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Urge to apologise

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