i shared all of my symptoms with my therapist and she has diagnosed me with HOCD. however, i keep having this doubt and keep saying to myself that i lied to her when i know in my heart i didn’t. idk what to do rn im so sad i feel like im living a lie but when this all started i knew that i had HOCD but now i’m so del in it i don’t even know what is real anymore.

Part of ocd... Is thinking it's probably not ocd. Hang in there. You've made progress with the fact that you've met with a therapist and got diagnosed.

Uh I feel like I lie to myself as well so much. But if I was actually lesbian I wouldn’t have these feelings for boys before. I know it was real, I can’t be lesbian. I get sexually aroused with men. But I’m learning to be okay if I am. And most of the time it makes me feel better because I know where my real attraction is. It’s just you ocd. Getting a therapist to say you just have hocd, will make you feel like they’re lying. Or that youre lying, and they’re saying it to make you feel better. It’s a crap feeling. I hope you recover from this painful ocd! I wish you luck!

it’s also just weird bc im feeling better when i’m not analyzing but i also feel like that’s just accepting what i fear the most

Lately I’ve been accepting it. “Maybe I am lesbian but who cares?” Then I have my panic moments when I see a girl and I say “wait I think she’s pretty, or why did I just look at her” and then I say “oh yeah cause I’m lesbian” but honestly. In my head I’m just like “no you’re not” and it honestly decreases my anxiety I know I’m not lesbian. I’m trying to accept that I could find the same sex attractive or just accept that I’m looking at them. I don’t wanna dig deeper because there is no deeper meaning. I know I only wanna be with the opposite sex. I’m happy with them. You’ll be okay, it’s just ocd.