It doesnt feel like im experiencing distress or anxiety

I guess I ask this because people say if you are facing distress and anxiety, its HOCD. So i got this when i turned 20, i remember I got a panic attack from it and was very upset about, before I knew about HOCD i would look up how to be straight and not gay. Ive been dealing with this for over a year now, but it feels like i dont face anxiety or stress, or worry, or distress anymore, and now im questioning if i ever felt it. The actions that I do and have done every single day for over a year, is looking, googling, researching(usually on the same website and topic) talk to my mom and sister about it ask for reassurance, they have told me that this has caused me distress and anxiety ect. Whenever i use to take the are you gay quiz, and it told me I was straight, I would get happy and excited(even tho at times it felt like I was forcing it). I post questions, I debate, argue, and analyze my thoughts all the time even though it feels hopless and feels like I lose. Compulsions and ruminate I believe I do a lot, my ocd tries to make me doubt it, but whenever I do compulsions or rumination, it feels worse, like the gay feeling feels more real and true, I dont want to be gay but it feels very real.