- Date posted
- 1y
Rocd
I feel very hurt inside and drained and I’m so done with everything in life at this point. I know there’s more to life than a guy but This guy made me feel like there was hope and this guy made me feel very happy when I was always at my worst. 3 weeks ago I was perfectly fine, I loved my bf so much( I knew that I did with out a doubt or questioning) everything in life was going the way I wanted to I was at my highest with school,at home, and with my boyfriend. Me and my boyfriend been dating for a year and I’m so thankful for him, I’m the luckiest to have someone like him. But all of sudden I watched something that triggered my mind really bad and cause to have an intrusive thought like”what if I don’t love him anymore” and whenever i had that thought it caused me to have a panic attack and it made me feel like my mind had a whole 360 and looked at him like if he was evil but why did I think of that. But ever since then I can’t get away from the thought and now it’s worse because every time I tell my self I love him my mind has this voice and it tells me “no you don’t” “you don’t love Michael” or “break up with him” or like “you don’t deserve him” or even have dreams of me not loving him anymore and i wake up with my heart racing because i feel like i loose him everytime but i know that there just thoughts and they’re not true but for some reason they feel so real but I know deep down I love him and I’m going to continue to love him I can’t make the wrong mistake and regret it later on and I can’t imagine my life with out him he’s a big part of my life now and I can’t let him go. He loves me so much and is supporting me troughs this whole thing. I just wish this didn’t have to happen to me or to anyone who’s going trough this. But Maybe if I was doing something different that night non of this would have happened I would be good rn. But If anyone has advice for me I would gladly appreciate it. I’ve been trying to look for help like therapy but my parents don’t really see what’s wrong so im trying to figure out on my own.