- Date posted
- 6y
- Date posted
- 6y
I'm going through the same thing it's so confusing
- Date posted
- 6y
Testing yourself with pornography is a compulsion (it’s called mental checking). And it’s going to keep driving your obsession. You have to stop. You’re doing it to find 100% certainty, but OCD brains don’t feel 100% certainty, that’s the part of our brains that just don’t work the same as other people’s. Stop seeking certainty that you don’t or never will find a man attractive. Stop testing yourself with pornography. Just live and let whatever happens happen. When you have a weird thought pop up, don’t follow it. Acknowledge it, accept that it’s there, and move on. If you try to disprove it, reason with it, understand it, etc you’re just doing more mental compulsions. Someone without OCD would get a thought like that and just go “huh, that’s weird,” and move on. You have to learn to do the same. The more you can make peace with the fact that your brain is going to send you weird thoughts sometimes, the better you’ll be able to start feeling normal again. Intrusive thoughts are normal. Our reactions as people with OCD are not.
- Date posted
- 6y
Thanks to all. Just tired of this. Today’s been tough bc I just can’t believe my insecure mind.... I will move thru this.
- Date posted
- 6y
I don't think it's denial because if it was denial we wouldn't try to fight it we would just know and try to hide it. But you never know, anyway we have to try to not focus on that and just try to live our life and keep our minds distracted, as hard as it sounds, it's what we need to do because looking for certainty just triggers OCD even more.
- Date posted
- 6y
I don’t really get aroused by what I used to, at least that’s what I fear. I now get anxious. The weird thing is I want to I just can’t, it seems. I’ve had eight years of this. I can’t date, get anxious about it when it comes up - I’ve had one relationship that’s just broke down because of this. I blew a chance with someone nice feeling so freaked out about whether it’d just all happen again - the anxiety, the guilt and low self esteem. It’s like there’s no joy anymore and I don’t know what to do. This has ruined my twenties, and I can’t help but feel that somehow I’ve helped that.
- Date posted
- 6y
You can’t find the line really in my experience. Don’t be in denial that you have problems with the thoughts for now, I’m still clearly having trouble with my own. You can only move on by practicing knowing the fact that they are thoughts and that your anxiety over them is amplifying it. It’s managing in any way you can to let the anxiety subside and accepting those thoughts as those that any person regardless of sexuality can have. Your response has just got messed up.
- Date posted
- 6y
You got this man, you're not alone.
- Date posted
- 6y
I feel exactly the same, I started to feel better about myself and two weeks later I’m back feeling like this. I just wish I went back to how I was and have been for the first 32 years of my life. I check porn daily and never get aroused by gay stuff and then to straight porn and bang I’m aroused. But the thoughts come back 10 minutes later. This is crazy!
- Date posted
- 6y
Maybe it’s deep denial? I don’t think HOCD works like this
- Date posted
- 6y
Wow. This has changed views. I refuse. I’m done. Idgaf anymore.
- Date posted
- 6y
I feel the same way, the only things that arouse me are pornography and gay thoughts and that's so weird it makes me so confused but I know it's not real, however I read an article online that talked about how porn can desensitize your brain and induce HOCD that's why I'm taking a break from porn and masturbation, you should try as well.
- Date posted
- 6y
Yup. Deleting this app. I can’t anymore. Y’all have a good one. I’m going to just go.
- Date posted
- 6y
Yeah man...maybe this just triggered me bc I was thinking I let this foolishness go on for too long and then I heard you. Im going to just try to live authentically. No matter what we say..there’s a fine line between HOCD and denial....and I’m just trying to find that line
Related posts
- Date posted
- 23w
I’ve tried accepting the uncertainty, I’ve accepted I may be gay, bi or still straight. I’ve tried doing ERP myself to the best I can. When I accept that I’m gay or bi why doesn’t my head agree and move on? Why does it still question it? I know I don’t want to be at all. I love my family. But I just want this to move on. I want to enjoy life. Why can’t I find women attractive again? (Brief moments I do). I seriously don’t understand the false attraction? I’ve tried agreeing with it but it won’t let this drop. Why am I attracted to the same sex? Why am I attracted to people I would never thought of looking at? Why does it give me such grief about this? I know I shouldn’t look at adult content but why can I only feel good watching either lesbian or females? I tried to agree with the gay but it makes me sick and horrendous I even considered this? I just want my life back.
- Date posted
- 21w
I’m trying to live with uncertainty but it doesn’t feel right. The “I may or may not be bi/gay” really sucks because I can’t stop ruminating, analyzing, or checking. This especially sucks because I feel like literally EVERYTHING in my life leads to the fact that I’m a fraud which feels horrible. I can’t even talk to my friends the way I used to without feeling like I’m lying about myself. The false attraction and loss of attraction to men is literally horrible because now I feel like the life i fantasized for myself isn’t something I want.
- Date posted
- 20w
I tried checking if I like gay stuff and it’s genuinely disgusting to me. I can tell whether or not a man is attractive and when they are it does scare me and makes me question myself yet, it’s always the same response, I don’t get how you can do that with another man. Doing anything sexual just feels so gross and wrong. I don’t think that I am magically turning gay. I don’t think my orientation is changing or hasn’t been explored. I simply find that stuff gross. I have never had anything wrong with gay people and I am a true believer that people have choices they can make with free will so it’s not that I’m homophobic, just keep that stuff away from me lol. Saying so, I don’t get why I am getting these thoughts. These images in my head, constant need of checking if I fall in the spectrum, constant checking whether I like someone of any gender, constant checking whether or not I am getting groinal responses. No matter what answer I get, my mind still wants an answer, an answer to the next question that it’ll create after answering the one before it. I have always liked girls and always been so proud of it, I am in a relationship right now with a beautiful girl I’ve had a crush on since 2nd grade. (I am 19) Whatever mental illness I have has ruined our relationship. Everything feels forced on my side, I don’t remember the joy I had before this but I have glimpse throughout the days of the things we’ve done together that makes me happy and look forward to life. I am constantly checking to see if my attraction is still there for her and the scary part is, when I am stuck in my head, I am not but, to alter that, when I get that freedom and feel like my normal self, I get a hyper amount of love for her and it feels so nice. These thoughts all began after me and my girlfriend had an argument, 5 months ago we got in an argument over her not giving me enough space. She always wanted to be a part of a plan with my male friends. I never minded her when it was just us two so it’s not that I hated being with her, it was just that I had no time to be independent. ( I also had no job and nothing going for myself. ) One odd day after spending so much time stuck in the house due to weather, I had random thought on whether or not I truly loved her. We were only 4 months into the relationship so I didn’t have an answer and since it felt like I needed an answer, it became obsessive, I couldn’t stop checking. After hours with that thought, I started to wonder whether or not I was interested in other things like K I D S. This thought was an automatic no and I began to fight it. I wasn’t going to accept that, each day felt like a living hell. The questions would change each day, do I miss my ex, was my ex better, do I like my M O M, do I want to K I L L so and so, do I want to kill myself. One day I woke up and had it all in control, felt like magic, after I watched a video on ROCD and realized, oh, I am not the only one but, this is where my compulsions got even worse. I couldn’t stop checking the internet, seeing if I relate to others, watching more videos. I regret this everyday because this compulsion created so many new thoughts and questions for me to answer. About 2-3 weeks went by and a thought passed by that has been stuck with me since along with other thoughts. I thought back to what I did as kid and in the past. I remembered a traumatic event where my brother touched me (5yr old M) inappropriately. This made me question whether or not I liked it and I couldn’t find an answer, couple years (10yr old M) after that I unfortunately did the same to my cousin (8yr old M). I feel so much shame and guilt for it. My mind turned black and white, “Maybe this isn’t a do you like your girl or not but instead, maybe you just like boys I mean, you obviously never asked yourself if you like what you did so”. This question was terrifying for me because it meant that I could no longer love my girl, my whole life till now has been a lie. So I began to question everything in my past up to date to find an answer. No matter what answer I fed my mind, it would not be satisfied and simply create more questions. It felt like my mind was forcing me to be gay, whether or not I liked it. 4 months has passed and the questions have just gotten worse, something I was initially so afraid of. I am in constant fight or flight mode, I am always anxious and I can’t feel nothing. I get times of relief when I am reminded of my past, when my gf turns me on, or when I find an answer to question my mind conjured up. I started to go to church but it’s always been a struggle for me to believe. I can’t go to the gym anymore because everywhere I look I am questioning myself. My porn addiction has went away but mostly because I can’t find anything attractive anymore. I can only find comfort and discomfort. Something that was once so easy for me would 1 day be nonexistent and hard to live without. I don’t know what the truth is anymore. My life feels like a made-up lie. Though I have always loved women, fantasized about them, get extremely nervous around them, pray for them, romanticize them, etc. I now have no idea what it feels like to be in love, interested, or even happy for a woman. My attraction hasn’t vanished completely, I still can look a girl and be stunned, l simply just can’t destroy the feeling it gives me. I get so anxious and begin to question everything about the women, the feeling, myself. I am having a crisis.
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