- Date posted
- 5y ago
- Date posted
- 5y ago
I'm going through the same thing it's so confusing
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Testing yourself with pornography is a compulsion (it’s called mental checking). And it’s going to keep driving your obsession. You have to stop. You’re doing it to find 100% certainty, but OCD brains don’t feel 100% certainty, that’s the part of our brains that just don’t work the same as other people’s. Stop seeking certainty that you don’t or never will find a man attractive. Stop testing yourself with pornography. Just live and let whatever happens happen. When you have a weird thought pop up, don’t follow it. Acknowledge it, accept that it’s there, and move on. If you try to disprove it, reason with it, understand it, etc you’re just doing more mental compulsions. Someone without OCD would get a thought like that and just go “huh, that’s weird,” and move on. You have to learn to do the same. The more you can make peace with the fact that your brain is going to send you weird thoughts sometimes, the better you’ll be able to start feeling normal again. Intrusive thoughts are normal. Our reactions as people with OCD are not.
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Thanks to all. Just tired of this. Today’s been tough bc I just can’t believe my insecure mind.... I will move thru this.
- Date posted
- 5y ago
I don't think it's denial because if it was denial we wouldn't try to fight it we would just know and try to hide it. But you never know, anyway we have to try to not focus on that and just try to live our life and keep our minds distracted, as hard as it sounds, it's what we need to do because looking for certainty just triggers OCD even more.
- Date posted
- 5y ago
I don’t really get aroused by what I used to, at least that’s what I fear. I now get anxious. The weird thing is I want to I just can’t, it seems. I’ve had eight years of this. I can’t date, get anxious about it when it comes up - I’ve had one relationship that’s just broke down because of this. I blew a chance with someone nice feeling so freaked out about whether it’d just all happen again - the anxiety, the guilt and low self esteem. It’s like there’s no joy anymore and I don’t know what to do. This has ruined my twenties, and I can’t help but feel that somehow I’ve helped that.
- Date posted
- 5y ago
You can’t find the line really in my experience. Don’t be in denial that you have problems with the thoughts for now, I’m still clearly having trouble with my own. You can only move on by practicing knowing the fact that they are thoughts and that your anxiety over them is amplifying it. It’s managing in any way you can to let the anxiety subside and accepting those thoughts as those that any person regardless of sexuality can have. Your response has just got messed up.
- Date posted
- 5y ago
You got this man, you're not alone.
- Date posted
- 5y ago
I feel exactly the same, I started to feel better about myself and two weeks later I’m back feeling like this. I just wish I went back to how I was and have been for the first 32 years of my life. I check porn daily and never get aroused by gay stuff and then to straight porn and bang I’m aroused. But the thoughts come back 10 minutes later. This is crazy!
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Maybe it’s deep denial? I don’t think HOCD works like this
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Wow. This has changed views. I refuse. I’m done. Idgaf anymore.
- Date posted
- 5y ago
I feel the same way, the only things that arouse me are pornography and gay thoughts and that's so weird it makes me so confused but I know it's not real, however I read an article online that talked about how porn can desensitize your brain and induce HOCD that's why I'm taking a break from porn and masturbation, you should try as well.
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Yup. Deleting this app. I can’t anymore. Y’all have a good one. I’m going to just go.
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Yeah man...maybe this just triggered me bc I was thinking I let this foolishness go on for too long and then I heard you. Im going to just try to live authentically. No matter what we say..there’s a fine line between HOCD and denial....and I’m just trying to find that line
Related posts
- Date posted
- 12w ago
Idk what else to title this. I was watching a film cooper video cuz why not and he mentioned smthn about wall paper customization and icons and stuff and I just kinda had a groinal response followed by the memory of me having my first crush on a woman (my friend at the time) that helped me figure out that I’m bi and I felt kinda intensely for her but that’s cuz a) it was new and b) we were kinda on again off again friends who haven’t spoken in a few years now and I’m over her entirely. It was toxic I think. She was too much like the person who bullied me in elementary school (they were friends as well so my mom made me cut her off which is. Fair. Made me really sad but eh that’s life) I saw her at prom cuz someone brought her. It was nice to see her but yeah that was it. And now I’m mentally comparing what I felt for women in the past (idk intense crush, listening to a lot of gay songs (think she by dodie) dressing semi masc cuz funky, we had nicknames for each other despite not dating or anything) to men (less intense crush but still big crush, I’ve only dated and kissed men so sparks rhere) and now I’m just slightly nauseous and worried that I don’t like men as much as I like women but I think that’s normal for any bi person? To have different levels of attraction to different genders? Idk I feel gross and icky now like I shouldn’t even be thinking about it or her cuz I have a bf. And I do look fondly upon it, now I’m nervous cuz I got more excited about her calling me a specific nickname than I do from my bf calling me honey even at the beginning? Honey felt more traditional and I love it but we do switch around nicknames and it’s always nice, not many butterflies anymore, and sometimes I get anxious when he does lately, if it’s a nickname in Portuguese. Or if he called me a shortened version of my name. What does that mean? I’m nervous now. I was doing half decently today now I’m nauseous again. I’m worried that cuz I liked the nicknames she and I had that means I don’t like the ones my bf and I have and that I just don’t like him or men cuz I’ve been feeling off around him. But I love when he calls me honey, it still feels good when he does it now but no butterflies. Idk what’s wrong with me. Is it even ocd at this point. Even if I do like women slightly more it doesn’t erase that I love my bf. I’m worried I’m leaning too much towards women tho and I’m a lesbian. Idk if my bi cycle is cycling or if I’m just a lesbian entirely cuz I don’t feel much when my bf takes off his shirt, sex feels different, and things feel stale and slow. But maybe that’s cuz I’m checking and comparing. Now I’m anxious fuck. I’m trying not to think about her idk why. I’m worried I still find her attractive or am attracted to her or smthn. She’s in my city. I didn’t care before but now I do. Or if I think about her I’ll think about other women and will only want to have sec with women which not really tbh. I wanna be able to enjoy sec with my bf. It just hasn’t felt right lately cuz I’ve been so depressed and obsessive. I wasn’t obsessing much last night when we had sex but it still didn’t feel passionate. It didn’t feel uncomfortable but I thought it’d be more? Idk. I know it’s normal to not feel him inside me cuz the vagina isn’t very nerved up compared to the clitoris but it felt like more the motions. But tbh. I needed it. Idk I wanted to have sex and it was a nice stress relief. I just didn’t feel butterflies which kinda bummed me out but we’ve been having sex since august so that’s normal. Idk. I haven’t been able to fantasize about sex. The fact that I’m bi makes all of this so confusing. Cuz yes hypothetically I can enjoy the thought of sex with a woman. But I don’t want to rn cuz I’m dating a man. And I can’t fantasize about sex with him cuz I’m getting intrusive thoughts about my friends and I having sex. I have this urge to watch porn cuz it’s been a while but I’m not going to. I’ve cut down a lot on masturbation. Partially cuz this partially cuz I wanna do things with my bf (when I’m mentally ok) but jow my brain is saying “Oo you think all these women are so hot you’re gonna go feral blah blah blah” and yes women are hot but I don’t wanna have sex with a woman. Idk saying women are hot doesn’t bring me anxiety but the thought of sex with one or leaving my bf and saying I’m a lesbian bother me. Cuz I know it’s not true. I love him I know that. I’d be happy if we stayed together. I wouldn’t regret a thing honestly. I like having sex with him. Idc if it’s not like porn or the movies. As long as I’m being pleasured and he’s being pleasured we’re good. That’s what sex is about. I think the loss of butterflies is normal cuz the excitement of like (sorry tmi) fingering and oral eventually wears off right? But still feels good. I don’t feel as excited about intimacy anymore cuz we have done it so often but it still feels nice. But my brain perceives that as me not liking sex with men and therefore I’m gay. No I just don’t feel the need to jump his bones every single time I see him?? Idk the friend thing is bothering me. Idk if I feel any joy behind it. The groinal response really really throws my perception off
- Students with OCD
- Sexual Orientation OCD
- OCD newbies
- LGBTQ+ with OCD
- Relationship OCD
- Young adults with OCD
- Date posted
- 8w ago
Sorry long post. Anyone feel like now they’re just in extreme denial. Like when I was little I noticed guys more than girls in movies and was more drawn to them. I remember changing my mindset to switch that. 98%of my life has been straight until recently. I felt drawn to some guys but never thought of it sexually. Always had girl crushes dreams and porn. Now I watch porn and I feel like straight takes longer and then I go and watch gay porn and feel nothing until I tell myself it’s two attractive dudes and love is love and imagine physical sensations and then it hits like suddenly. Like I have to convince myself it’s alright. Then when I try again I can do all that but feel nothing and then straight porn works. Idk if it’s just getting a fix or the first time works with anything or what but it’s confusing. On top of that I’ve felt girl relationships including my wife maybe miss something and a guy maybe matches that feeling that but then I feel like I’d be missing something without a girl or my wife. Idk I’ve had some rough times in life with male figures in my life but idk. I feel like I have to convince myself more and more that I’m straight even more than the first time I dealt with this. Can someone relate? Please
- Date posted
- 4w ago
So I’ve talked to a couple of gay people and they all told me the same thing. They ALWAYS knew they liked guys and they have ever gotten aroused by a woman in their life. In fact they told me that they always found a woman’s body disgusting. Looking back in my life I’ve been attracted to girls for as long as I can remember even before puberty. All my fantasies were about girls and I can’t remember a time where I felt the same for a guy (because it never happened). At the end I can still get aroused by women and you can clearly see how much stupid this obsession about being gay is. Gay people can’t get instinctively aroused by a woman and like it. Groinal responses and sensations don’t mean anything because they simply do not bring joy or a feeling of desire. Instead they bring panic. I once got a groinal when “testing my reactions” and I was sitting there crying like my life is over. That’s not how genuine attraction works and no one has woken up one day feeling different and no one has been secretly gay and never noticed it and spent his whole life into women instead.
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