I have recently been having harm ocd really bad. I have bad thoughts and all I think about is how to get rid of them. I feel like a horrible person and the more I have these thoughts to more I want to cry. I just want it all to stop but I can’t get it to. And the more I confront my ocd the more i want to cry because I have this problem. I just want my life to be normal again.
Your life can and will be normal again. I promise. You have to remember the reason this bothers you so much is because these thoughts have nothing to do with you. They aren't your genuine beliefs or desires. The reason they come back is because you're ascribing meaning to them. But they say nothing about you, and they're not indicative of what may happen in the future. A horrible person would not have posted here about this, remember that. You don't have to cry or feel guilty about these things. You aren't a bad person and you haven't done anything wrong. I know it's easy to forget that, but someday it'll be second nature, and you'll no longer feel obligated to engage with these thoughts.
Hi there! I’m sorry your feeing this way and be brave! As hard as it feels you are not horrible person because of HOCD!
Thank you
@emilie.25 I don’t know what else to say because what you said was perfect
@emilie.25 Yeah but still I know it's rough. I'm so sorry you're going through this right now. I used to as well. Trust me though you'll be alright. Hang in there. It took me years to overcome this. Another thing I hope you remember is, never feel guilty for letting your intrusive thoughts be. I used to think I had to fight my thoughts, or else it would mean I wanted them. But trust me, it's okay to just let them be. You don't need to prove to yourself that you don't want them. We both already know you don't. You need to have faith in yourself, and hold onto the fact that these thoughts aren't you, even when everything in your body is telling you otherwise. Let them get worse, as bad as they can, because no matter how scary the thoughts get, it STILL says nothing about who you are or what you might do. It's okay to just let pop into your mind, because they will never have any control over you. Again, I know it's so much easier said than done, but I believe in you. Take small steps. It's okay to mess up sometimes. There's no rush and one day you'll wake up and realize they aren't bothering you as much as they used to.
@SportySpider It’s so scary to let them be, I feel like if I don’t try to get rid of them they will come true. I know that’s not how it works but my brain seems to go into fight or flight and that’s all i think about. And then when the thought does pass it comes back ten times harder when i see anything that made me think of the thought. I don’t know how to explain it. I really do appreciate what you are saying though it makes me feel better that I’m not alone. I feel so crazy sometimes
@emilie.25 I know what you mean. It's like our brains subconsciously make the thoughts even worse the longer we let them be. I promise you though, as someone who's had the same fears of them coming true, they never actually do. None of my deepest fears ever came true. And yeah you aren't crazy. I felt insane for the longest time but we aren't. We're self aware and understand that it's anxiety making us act in irrational ways. You'll get past it! Until then be easy on yourself.
@SportySpider Thank you so much like actually you make me feel so much better
i’m having a full on panic attack, i never used to be like this, what tf is happening to me, why am i like this, i’m so convinced i’m a horrible person and i deserve to be shut out forever because of my thoughts, i’m tired of struggling with harm ocd, i’m scared that because i have mental health issues i’m gonna end up ki!!ing someone someday or end up on the news, when i was at work earlier i kept thinking “how easy would it be to ki!! someone and get away with it” someone help, i don’t feel normal, am i crazy?… 😭😭i know that with ocd you’re not supposed to have reassurance and you have to be “okay” with the situation but.. how am i supposed to be okay with feeling like i could hurt someone…
I have all kinds of thoughts that aren’t me it feels like someone is talking to me telling me evil things about people or to do evil things 😞😞😞😞 I can’t do this anymore
I’ve recently been struggling a lot with OCD. I have had OCD for a long time I just didn’t realize it until more recently. About seven months ago I developed panic attacks one day randomly at work. I thought I was having a heart attack and went to the hospital where they told me it was just a panic attack and I assumed I would snap out and be better within a few days. However it didn’t. Here’s where it gets scary, I was staying at my then boyfriends house while dealing with blurry vision, anxiety attacks everyday, and more (unsure of what was going on). But at some point I saw my bfs (pew pew 🔫) on his table and it sent me into an anxiety attack after sudden thoughts that I was going to hurt myself with it. I begged him to put it away when I’m not looking so I didn’t know where he put it. He did. These thoughts lasted for about four days but began to go away. (I thought that was it and I would be back to normal). Unfortunately though I ended up moving back in with my family when we couldn’t get my panic attacks under control in time for me to get back to work and pay bills. However, coming home brought up a lot of trauma from when I was kid. My anxiety got worse but I didn’t have those thoughts again. About two and half months ago though, I got sick and went to the hospital where they gave me steroid pills and a steroid shot but sent me into some kind of psychiatric event. Ever since then though, I have been suffering from harm OCD, I have had moments of intense anger that I usually have to completely walk away and go on my own because of how intense they are, and it feels like it’s getting worse. Today I felt fine until about and hour and half ago where I started to dwell on the fact that my suicidal thought was influenced by my OCD and at the moment my OCD is at the worst it’s been. This caused me to get suddenly really depressed and I started crying thinking about how I can’t handle this. I then saw a post talking about how suicide rates are high for people with this form of OCD and it made me question if I am mentally strong enough to pull through this. I fear that at times I’m getting worse. I have good days but I have a lot of bad days. Unfortunately this sent me into such a bad panic attack I went over to my nanas crying about how I can’t deal with this. I took a 0.25 mg Xanax which helped calm down the panic attack portion of it but my brain is still uncomfortably active. I guess I just need hope. I’m so saddened by this. It’s like my life took a total 360 in 10 months and got even worse since the steroid shot. Idk what to do about it. I can’t stop the spiral. I talk to two different therapist weekly and start more next week, making it 5 times a week. I feel no improvements…
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