Grief

Hi all, please don’t read this if death/grief is a trigger for you. I’m posting because right now my Nana is in her final hours of life on Hospice and I said goodbye to her on the phone this morning. I’m on the other side of the country from her and I have to work today and my brain is going 1,000 miles an hour. I’m so sad and I feel like I have to hold it together. It’s really hard to talk about and I don’t really want to tell other friends and loved ones until she passes for some reason because she’s been sick for so long and I feel like a broken record. Right now I just feel really scared and alone and I wish I could see her more than anything but I can’t make it in time. I know I have to keep working today because otherwise I won’t be able to take off time later to travel and attend her services and be there for my family and help with her belongings. Losing her has been one of my deepest fears and recent OCD themes and I’m trying my best to sit with these awful feelings but it’s just so hard. She means the absolute world to me and being so far away while she passes is devastating. I need to keep up the response prevention but my head feels like a hurricane.

stxarly

Date posted: 1y

I feel you, and I'm so sorry to hear about this horrible event. I went through something similar months ago and OCD has made my life harder since then. I'm here if you need someone to talk to. Sending you a tight hug x

DianaMarie

Date posted: 1y

My advice would be to take the time to be with her now. These are precious moments. I had to watch my dad die slowly from cancer. It was devastating but I am so glad to have had that time with him. To be there for him in his time of need. Ask for family leave. You have that right! Make your last memories with her. I know grief all too well. I lost my only sibling, my brother in 2011. I lost my dad in 2014. And I am in the worst grief right now. I just lost my youngest son 12 weeks ago. I have had panic attacks almost daily. He just turned 23 a few weeks before I lost him. It was sudden & it was tragic. And it has taken such a physical & mental toll on me. He was supposed to burry me. I am now Vilomah!! My worst nightmare came true. All of my life, my worst fear was losing a parent. And then it was losing a child. I have suffered both. And I dont know how to go on without my son. Everything revolves around my children. I feel your grief. And I am so sorry you’re going through it. I lost both of my grandmothers. And I lost my grandfather when I was very young. My other grandfather passed before I was born. My dad was one of 13 kids. I have lost all of his siblings except 4 now. I turn 50 in January. I have suffered so much loss. And the worst was losing my son & my dad. We are not supposed to burry our children. The last 3 months have been a blur & a nightmare. I am grateful that I don’t work. I dont know if I could. My thoughts are with you. And I suggest you ask for family leave so that you can spend that much needed time with your loved one. My heart goes out to you. A broken heart is the worst. I have therapy once a week. And am starting with a psychiatrist soon. I dont know how I feel about the later. We will see. But I suggest counseling if you think you need it. Best wishes. -Di

anonymous00001

Date posted: 1y

@DianaMarie I’m so sorry to hear about the losses you’ve endured. You sound like an incredibly strong person and I appreciate you sharing your story. Unfortunately she passed just a few hours after I made this post. I was able to be with her over thanksgiving and I cherished the time so much. My heart hurts so much

Brynnie Bear

Date posted: 1y

I’m so sorry 😞 ❤️💕

Brynnie Bear

Date posted: 1y

I lost my grandpa when I was nine and that actually was the start of my OCD

tayanominous

Date posted: 24w

doesn’t feel like OCD

My intrusive thoughts really really really disturbing and I just I can’t seem to like saying maybe to them and I can’t seem to like just accept them cuz they are sexual related and abt family too. They seem so real and I know that everyone says that but it’s just I can’t take it because it feels so ridiculously real and I keep thinking what if I actually like these thoughts or want these thoughts and I’m scared. As well as intrusive urges they are really debilitating and scary on top of compulsions which hurt me in the exhausting and I don’t know what’s real anymore and my values seem to be gone why won’t my head just stop! I don’t know how to explain my fee my anxiety is through the roof and my therapist is more than ERP therapist rather than someone I can just talk too like I definitely can but she’s more of a like a an exposure therapist and I just I don’t have anyone anymore and my best friend Pet bird just passed away a few hours ago and I think that has a really big affect on how I’m feeling and I’m crying so much right now and grieving I’m scared please reply and tell me your thoughts on this.

RadiantlyRed...

Date posted: 20w

Taboo Thoughts/Depression/Need Advice Please

TW I am so utterly broken. I feel like my heart is shattered to pieces, within the span of a month I have lost someone that was like a second mother to me and someone who just passed away that was my closest connection to my great grandmother. I am having very taboo thoughts (as well as physical responses) surrounding death because of OCD, while also carrying such a massive weight of grief. Idk if taboo thoughts with death are even normal, while it is overwhelming me, I’m also so numb to grief at this point. Can anyone please give some kind of advice on how I may improve my mental health without overwhelming my family during their time of grief? I’m so tired of being strong, but right now I absolutely have to be. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

things_willg...

Date posted: 17w

Grief & Ocd

I lost my brother almost a month ago. if feels like it was yesterday. my biggest worry is when i snap out of the denial stage of this grief , that i’m going to lose my mind. it’s a scary feeling and i don’t know what to do. i’m still in therapy and don’t plan on stopping either but i just worry. i’ve cried here and there but all ive done is keep myself busy and distracted from this. i have my moments - i just am in such disbelief.

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Grief

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