- Date posted
- 1y ago
everyone gets me so confused! all I need is HELP!
I struggle with dermatillomania (skin picking, excoriation disorder) for over a year now I've seen 4 psychiatrist, psychologist, therapist, dermatologists... they all say different things to me one even said this is not skin picking she said its just your anxiety😩 another one said it has nothing to do with ocd when I've been struggling with different ocd symptoms since my childhood other say it is a compulsive behavior which I am not able to stop myself no matter how much I try I am not able to control it i need help no one seems to know the right way to help me I am getting worse I started on my legs after I fracture my left foot and now its also my face arms chest shoulders hands it has ruined my life and the best years of my life plus ocd has ensured me ppl are going say how disgusting I look and its just best if Im not seen by no one and isolates me from the world even from family it makes me think how much better It would be if I end my life to end my suffering because this is not living inside a room alone their's no way im gonna go out and let ppl see me NOT looking like this they tell me theirs no cure I have thought to cut off my fingers or every single of my nails but then that will also make me look ugly. I also struggle with body dysformic disorder (BDD) I pick without even knowing that im doing it its automatically bt also if I touch and feel even a tiny bump or extra skin I cannot stop it and I have all mirrors covered because I also pick if i visualize anything on any part of my skin I even removed lights from my bathroom so when I shower and its very painful I don't want to do this I hate it I need help the right help. Im that person if something its not where it's supposed to be im not going to sleep or eat or be comfortable at all until I clean up put things where they belong even the smallest dumbest things its a big deal to me years ago I had managed to beat that obsession i had control of it i would see things and would have that mayor thought to myself "that dosent go there, it needs to be fixed, its wrong, looks bad" bt I was able to let it go whocares its just a pillow or fan facing more to the right or whatever, but now its so bad its even ridiculous and I know so but I just can't stop this its like I know this isn't me but then why can I control it. im so tired very extremely exhausted I want to stop thinking for a bit and rest my brain stop worrying and taking the dumbest things ever so serious for example I get a pimple when is time of the month let it be its normal your hormones will get back to normal it will go away with out having to bleed burn take skin out cause ur dead worry what ppl are going to say and your ocd is saying take that off now it looks horrible its nasty ur ugly if u leave it their... I wish I met someone who knows exactly what I am going through someone who can understand me and all of this.
