helloworld287
- Date posted
- 5y
ocdumbassocdumbass
- Date posted
- 5y
i don't have hocd, but when im in public i just focus on mindfulness and my breathing or the feel of the breeze on my skin. i tell myself that it's not worth engaging my thoughts and turn back to the real world around me
helloworld287helloworld287
- Date posted
- 5y
@b13 how do you deal with it/ understand that this is t real attraction?
b13b13
- Date posted
- 5y
I go back and forth (of course). Sometimes I’ll know it’s not real and I’ll think this whole thing is ridiculous. Other times I don’t know and I feel anxious and depressed and nervous. I realised today that when I look at women, I don’t feel anything positive. Yes I can understand they’re pretty but I don’t feel anything significant. I’ve had this realisation so many times but it never sticks and I still check every time. And the fact that I check makes me think ‘oh my god why am I even checking’ and it’ll start again. I really struggle to be honest, I’ve never gotten help. Sorry I can’t be of more help right now, but this app is really helpful just to not feel alone so I hope you feel better being able to speak to people who are going through the same, even if you question that sometimes.
b13b13
- Date posted
- 5y
I understand how this feels. I’ll feel really nervous and then I use the fact that I feel nervous as ‘proof’, e.g I feel nervous around this woman, that must mean I like her. It’s horrible and I hate it, I hate watching tv lately too because I’m sick of analysing my feelings towards every single person
helloworld287helloworld287
- Date posted
- 5y
i can’t even look at social media or pictures of women any more out of feat that i attracted to them. this is the worst pain i have ever felt.
b13b13
- Date posted
- 5y
I completely understand this. I work in a shop serving customers all day and whenever I serve a woman, checking attraction is literally automatic and I wish more than anything that I could stop it. I am aware I don’t feel anything and that should reassure me but it doesn’t, I have to keep checking every time
helloworld287helloworld287
- Date posted
- 5y
it’s just that my whole life ive loved boys and never noticed women. or if i did i was just like oh she’s pretty and that was it. if i thought a woman was pretty it was more because i wanted to look like them, not BE with them. now i feel that my whole entire world is flipped upside down. whenever i see a billboard or any media with women i get so anxious bc i automatically just think they’re pretty even tho i know with certainty that i wouldn’t have noticed them before. what’s even crazier is that right before this all started i was so into (basically in love with) this boy i had been talking to for months and would have been his girlfriend if we didn’t move away.
IdkIdk
- Date posted
- 5y
I feel this way a lot, I used to hate going out in public cause of all the girls. Then it got to a point where I’d just keep imagining things with them and I’d just break down and be in such pain because I wanted to stop thinking about that.
helloworld287helloworld287
- Date posted
- 5y
same it’s truly just torture and so hard to then convince yourself it means nothing (because it doesn’t, assuming that you also have never thought about a woman that way nor ever had this cross your kind before hand) it’s just so crazy all of this.
IdkIdk
- Date posted
- 5y
Yeah like you said I only noticed when they were pretty and stuff or a nice body that I’d like to have. But never have I crushed on one or thought about them the way I did with boys.
helloworld287helloworld287
- Date posted
- 5y
same, i’m just hoping that we both go back to normal as soon as we can and fully recover from this.
Related posts
Anonymous
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 22w
Pls I need advice
I’ve had so many moments of clarity with my OCD that I love my boyfriend and I’m beyond willing to go through this to be better and be with him. in the back of mind I’ve in a way known I was at least somewhat sexually attracted to women (I’m a woman) since the start of the ocd it was always like “okay. Fine, but I don’t want to date a girl” I only just realized this after the ocd started, I never really argued with this. my ocd has always revolved around if I’m romantically interested in women and not men. I’ve done so many compulsions through this year and a half and 9 times out of 10 have come to the conclusion that I don’t want to be with a woman romantically. I always end up feeling like I know I love my boyfriend. But the doubts don’t stop about whether I want to spend my life with a woman instead, my heart literally breaks to think of not being with my bf and imagining him with someone else. I don’t want to be with a woman I know deep down somewhere underneath the anxiety that that’s not what I want. It doesn’t feel natural for me, unfulfilling. I want to tell my boyfriend about the possible sexual attraction to women (ik it’s still ocd related) but I’m scared that once I tell him, I’ll realize that I actually do want to be with women and not with him. Ugh I’ve spent hours today ruminating about this after being solid in my commitment with him for a little while, I’m stuck in this loop and idk how to get out right now
Mt2019
- Date posted
- 17w
Question about HOCD
Sorry long post. Anyone feel like now they’re just in extreme denial. Like when I was little I noticed guys more than girls in movies and was more drawn to them. I remember changing my mindset to switch that. 98%of my life has been straight until recently. I felt drawn to some guys but never thought of it sexually. Always had girl crushes dreams and porn. Now I watch porn and I feel like straight takes longer and then I go and watch gay porn and feel nothing until I tell myself it’s two attractive dudes and love is love and imagine physical sensations and then it hits like suddenly. Like I have to convince myself it’s alright. Then when I try again I can do all that but feel nothing and then straight porn works. Idk if it’s just getting a fix or the first time works with anything or what but it’s confusing. On top of that I’ve felt girl relationships including my wife maybe miss something and a guy maybe matches that feeling that but then I feel like I’d be missing something without a girl or my wife. Idk I’ve had some rough times in life with male figures in my life but idk. I feel like I have to convince myself more and more that I’m straight even more than the first time I dealt with this. Can someone relate? Please
geodrimilis
- Date posted
- 13w
Hocd vs actually gay (my opinion)
So I’ve talked to a couple of gay people and they all told me the same thing. They ALWAYS knew they liked guys and they have ever gotten aroused by a woman in their life. In fact they told me that they always found a woman’s body disgusting. Looking back in my life I’ve been attracted to girls for as long as I can remember even before puberty. All my fantasies were about girls and I can’t remember a time where I felt the same for a guy (because it never happened). At the end I can still get aroused by women and you can clearly see how much stupid this obsession about being gay is. Gay people can’t get instinctively aroused by a woman and like it. Groinal responses and sensations don’t mean anything because they simply do not bring joy or a feeling of desire. Instead they bring panic. I once got a groinal when “testing my reactions” and I was sitting there crying like my life is over. That’s not how genuine attraction works and no one has woken up one day feeling different and no one has been secretly gay and never noticed it and spent his whole life into women instead.
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