how do people suffering with HOCD go in public? i get so nervous bc if i notice a woman is pretty i just use it as evidence to prove i’m gay even tho i would never ever want to actually be with them. i just had a mental break down at a farmers market and idk where to turn any more this just feels so real and i want it to end.

i don't have hocd, but when im in public i just focus on mindfulness and my breathing or the feel of the breeze on my skin. i tell myself that it's not worth engaging my thoughts and turn back to the real world around me

@b13 how do you deal with it/ understand that this is t real attraction?

I go back and forth (of course). Sometimes I’ll know it’s not real and I’ll think this whole thing is ridiculous. Other times I don’t know and I feel anxious and depressed and nervous. I realised today that when I look at women, I don’t feel anything positive. Yes I can understand they’re pretty but I don’t feel anything significant. I’ve had this realisation so many times but it never sticks and I still check every time. And the fact that I check makes me think ‘oh my god why am I even checking’ and it’ll start again. I really struggle to be honest, I’ve never gotten help. Sorry I can’t be of more help right now, but this app is really helpful just to not feel alone so I hope you feel better being able to speak to people who are going through the same, even if you question that sometimes.

I understand how this feels. I’ll feel really nervous and then I use the fact that I feel nervous as ‘proof’, e.g I feel nervous around this woman, that must mean I like her. It’s horrible and I hate it, I hate watching tv lately too because I’m sick of analysing my feelings towards every single person

i can’t even look at social media or pictures of women any more out of feat that i attracted to them. this is the worst pain i have ever felt.

I completely understand this. I work in a shop serving customers all day and whenever I serve a woman, checking attraction is literally automatic and I wish more than anything that I could stop it. I am aware I don’t feel anything and that should reassure me but it doesn’t, I have to keep checking every time

it’s just that my whole life ive loved boys and never noticed women. or if i did i was just like oh she’s pretty and that was it. if i thought a woman was pretty it was more because i wanted to look like them, not BE with them. now i feel that my whole entire world is flipped upside down. whenever i see a billboard or any media with women i get so anxious bc i automatically just think they’re pretty even tho i know with certainty that i wouldn’t have noticed them before. what’s even crazier is that right before this all started i was so into (basically in love with) this boy i had been talking to for months and would have been his girlfriend if we didn’t move away.

I feel this way a lot, I used to hate going out in public cause of all the girls. Then it got to a point where I’d just keep imagining things with them and I’d just break down and be in such pain because I wanted to stop thinking about that.

same it’s truly just torture and so hard to then convince yourself it means nothing (because it doesn’t, assuming that you also have never thought about a woman that way nor ever had this cross your kind before hand) it’s just so crazy all of this.

Yeah like you said I only noticed when they were pretty and stuff or a nice body that I’d like to have. But never have I crushed on one or thought about them the way I did with boys.

same, i’m just hoping that we both go back to normal as soon as we can and fully recover from this.