helloworld287
- Date posted
- 6y
ocdumbassocdumbass
- Date posted
- 6y
i don't have hocd, but when im in public i just focus on mindfulness and my breathing or the feel of the breeze on my skin. i tell myself that it's not worth engaging my thoughts and turn back to the real world around me
helloworld287helloworld287
- Date posted
- 6y
@b13 how do you deal with it/ understand that this is t real attraction?
b13b13
- Date posted
- 6y
I go back and forth (of course). Sometimes I’ll know it’s not real and I’ll think this whole thing is ridiculous. Other times I don’t know and I feel anxious and depressed and nervous. I realised today that when I look at women, I don’t feel anything positive. Yes I can understand they’re pretty but I don’t feel anything significant. I’ve had this realisation so many times but it never sticks and I still check every time. And the fact that I check makes me think ‘oh my god why am I even checking’ and it’ll start again. I really struggle to be honest, I’ve never gotten help. Sorry I can’t be of more help right now, but this app is really helpful just to not feel alone so I hope you feel better being able to speak to people who are going through the same, even if you question that sometimes.
b13b13
- Date posted
- 6y
I understand how this feels. I’ll feel really nervous and then I use the fact that I feel nervous as ‘proof’, e.g I feel nervous around this woman, that must mean I like her. It’s horrible and I hate it, I hate watching tv lately too because I’m sick of analysing my feelings towards every single person
helloworld287helloworld287
- Date posted
- 6y
i can’t even look at social media or pictures of women any more out of feat that i attracted to them. this is the worst pain i have ever felt.
b13b13
- Date posted
- 6y
I completely understand this. I work in a shop serving customers all day and whenever I serve a woman, checking attraction is literally automatic and I wish more than anything that I could stop it. I am aware I don’t feel anything and that should reassure me but it doesn’t, I have to keep checking every time
helloworld287helloworld287
- Date posted
- 6y
it’s just that my whole life ive loved boys and never noticed women. or if i did i was just like oh she’s pretty and that was it. if i thought a woman was pretty it was more because i wanted to look like them, not BE with them. now i feel that my whole entire world is flipped upside down. whenever i see a billboard or any media with women i get so anxious bc i automatically just think they’re pretty even tho i know with certainty that i wouldn’t have noticed them before. what’s even crazier is that right before this all started i was so into (basically in love with) this boy i had been talking to for months and would have been his girlfriend if we didn’t move away.
IdkIdk
- Date posted
- 6y
I feel this way a lot, I used to hate going out in public cause of all the girls. Then it got to a point where I’d just keep imagining things with them and I’d just break down and be in such pain because I wanted to stop thinking about that.
helloworld287helloworld287
- Date posted
- 6y
same it’s truly just torture and so hard to then convince yourself it means nothing (because it doesn’t, assuming that you also have never thought about a woman that way nor ever had this cross your kind before hand) it’s just so crazy all of this.
IdkIdk
- Date posted
- 6y
Yeah like you said I only noticed when they were pretty and stuff or a nice body that I’d like to have. But never have I crushed on one or thought about them the way I did with boys.
helloworld287helloworld287
- Date posted
- 6y
same, i’m just hoping that we both go back to normal as soon as we can and fully recover from this.
Related posts
Anonymous
- Date posted
- 21w
Am I even straight anymore?
I keep having this weird feeling none stop that it’s most likely not HOCD and most my feelings. Like I’ve suffered none stop distress and unwanted thoughts the past few days. But those thoughts after a bit just feel weird not the kind of discomfort but are just their and stale. When I look at a guy I don’t feel anything but my thoughts sometimes compliment his looks or personality which makes me doubt my sexuality. I’ve never felt this weirded out. Because I’ve always been straight and still believe I am but I’ve never even had an emotional connection to someone of the opposite gender in fact. My view of the female body has been ruined with none stop pornography addictions. I don’t believe I’m gay but I feel like it may just be denial instead of HOCD but all my symptoms are literally HOCD. I don’t hate the idea of gay people but I can’t imagine or see my heart going off to like someone of the same sex. I haven’t really had any meaningful real life friends besides online but that also ended a few months ago. My only friend ever online that was my friend for the longest of time was a queer but I never really cared about what he liked. Like yes at some point I did try to challenge him with his own feelings but that didn’t last long I just accepted what he liked and moved on. I’ve never even touched let alone held a long conversation with a female. I’ve always been timid and shy around them but I can just say that towards male as well. The gay feelings feel so real. The thoughts feel a bit natural to me but I don’t want this. But I hate how I can’t just move on and be myself and love women when those thoughts demand attention and an answer. It won’t quit it. If I try to do a compulsion it calms down but it quickly becomes a problem again. I’m lonely I don’t have any friends or past relationships I can even think of helping me with the emotions. I still believe I’m straight and I just can’t see myself with a guy. It just doesn’t feel right for me despite my lack of experiences. I just wanna go back to how I was happy and loving girls and not having to question if it was a real feeling or just my natural timid nature. Everytime I think these distressing thoughts I always just wanna sit down and close my eyes and sleep. Because that’s where I can have peace of self. It sucks but I’m so exhausted of having to deal with emotional distress and I can’t even focus on my job as much. I want to meet new people discover my love for women again but I’m scared in the process I may discover I may be gay. Because deep down I know I wouldn’t ever be happy with myself if my greatest fears where confirmed. My dream of always being a father with a loving women and kids would be torn away by something I never asked for. Yes I’m religious, yes I come from a place that homosexuals are usually seen in a bad light. I just hate feeling this emotion that I may not be what I thought and having my dreams torn apart maybe true. I’ve read MUTIPLE articles about HOCD and seen MUTIPLE videos. I’ve come to the realization that I most likely have it. But it’s still hard when the feelings of maybe being gay maybe true you know? I hope I get better I hope I don’t suffer. I just wanna be happy with myself and loving females and I don’t wanna hate myself for feeling an emotion that never occurred to me more then a few times.
Pogoshow
- Date posted
- 10w
SOOCD
I’ve been dealing with SOOCD for over a year now, and I have been having a very hard day today. I feel like I just need someone to talk too, my whole life I’ve always had girl crushes and always wanted to be romantic with women . Ever since I posted this picture on instagram and one person said I looked “zesty” in it , which is when I started obsessing about being gay . I feel like I put so much meaning to these thoughts where now I’m always checking how I feeling around men. I had a really bad porn addiction for a long time and bad anxiety which fucked up my sex drive. I feel like I doubt if I’m attracted to women when I know I am , but the doubt is so overbearing where I start to believe it . I never was interested in men sexually, and my ocd makes me feel like I like the thoughts even though I feel no pleasure out of it. I feel like I lost who I am as a person . It feels like I don’t even know what my sexuality is and it’s really upsetting to me . I meant this girl the other day and she is the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met and I just feel like ocd is getting in the way😭😭😭 please any advice or comments
youllwintheb...
- Date posted
- 8w
hocd
I feel like I'm lying to myself, like I just don't accept that I'm gay, I don't want to be gay, I don't want to feel any kind of attraction anymore, I want to go to a psychologist to find out if I really have hocd or if it's just an excuse, because it feels like I really am gay, but nothing was authentic, it all started with thoughts that made me panic extremely hard and I felt like crying and I had delusions, I don't understand why this is happening to me, I didn't like any boys before the thoughts appeared, but exactly one day after they appeared, all the boys were attractive, of all ages, I want to recover :( I'm only 17 years old, for about 2 months I've been having thoughts, I don't know what to do, I can't go to a psychologist, I need help :(
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