- Date posted
- 1y
Question
Why do I have the urge to off myself when having ocd thoughts? But I dont want to die.
Why do I have the urge to off myself when having ocd thoughts? But I dont want to die.
This is my own experience, and something you should also speak with your counselor about** For me, the best place I start is to realize that the thoughts I am experiencing are actually just that, thoughts. I then give meaning to the thoughts, which leads to feeling a certain way. I ask myself: What meaning am I giving to this thought? Is it possible to separate how I feel, from the thought I am experiencing? Can I even choose a new thought, one that feels better? We can apply this to any thought, OCD thoughts, etc... This, my friend, takes practice - be patient. It's sortve like first taking a step back - then I get better at choosing what I want to think and how I want to feel. And as with anything, practice makes better. You got this.
Totally relate. Remember though OCD attacks what you care about. You don't want to die so OCD is going to go against that saying "you should" and "you will". These kind of thoughts used to terrify me so bad, so much so I couldn't be in a room by myself without feeling like I was going to k*ll myself somehow. I've learned the best way to combat these intrusive thoughts/urges is to be sarcastic with them, "oh yeah OCD I should totally k*ll myself because I have a bad cold" if that makes sense. Or saying "maybe it's you who should off yourself, OCD not me" Just so you know I'm rooting for you and I know how hard it is! I just want to remind you OCD is just a big jerk with a broken record player in hand. And you are not alone ❤️
Also I love your username btw 😊
There are times my harm ocd has me convinced that my feelings of self harm or suicide and harm are real and that any moment I could commit the act on myself or my family. Is there anyone who can chime in on this. I feel like all the time I want to leave run away or avoid my family because of these thoughts. Like I shouldn’t be around my children and I don’t trust myself.
so I need to get back into ERP, but it’s so hard to manage these thoughts and learn to deal with them. like I swear my mind has to make everything about it. Like every time I clean my room, my mind’s like yup make sure it’s clean so when your parents find you, or something so stupid like if I get a headache, my mind convinces me that I like the pain and that that’s why I get my thoughts because I actually want to do it. It’s so exhausting. Because I know I would never want to take my life and I treasure my life so why does it do it to me? It’s hard to comprehend the fact of these thoughts too because I don’t know many people with this exact theme. It’s such a scary feeling. And I’m constantly questioning whether I have actual depression or if it’s just my OCD. Yes I have been diagnosed with suicidal OCD, but my mind still tries to convince me otherwise. I just don’t know how to let these just sit and pass without panicking.
Whenever anyone starts to feel like their thoughts are less triggering or they feel a moment of happiness/ relief OCD tells you that you want the thoughts back or you actually like having the thoughts and maybe thats just the person I really am? I feel like im going insane😢
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