Not doing good

Today was a very hard day in my head. I am incredibly convinced that I am a p or I was one as a teen and I feel so incredibly worried and alone and defeated and scared. I’ve been thinking about things I did in the past and I feel very scared and convinced I am this person. I’m so messed up. I’m tired and I don’t want to die but I’m also suicidal and I just want it to end. I can’t do it. I need help but I can’t get therapy right now. I’m really not doing well.

[Deleted]

Date posted: 1y

Comment deleted by user

liliesinbloom

Date posted: 1y

@Eclectica Thank you so much for saying that. It’s very scary and isolating. Maybe I will have to try that, I feel desperate for some kind of help. Thank you so much for telling me.

liliesinbloom

Date posted: 1y

@Eclectica Thank you🥹

jpell0w

Date posted: 1y

Remember that you’re not alone! I like to believe a kind of kinship between us who are interconnected with OCD! As strange as it sounds! The purpose is for you and I and anyone to feel comfortable in our own skin, accepting it’s the thoughts but being less sensitive to its feelings! It’s hard I know and I’m no expert at all! But it’s from my heart!

liliesinbloom

Date posted: 1y

@jpell0w Thank you so so much for the kind words. It can feel very convincing and scary sometimes, and it’s isolating for sure. But that’s a really good way to think about it, that we’re all kind of interconnected. I think I get convinced that I’m the one who’s in denial. But it helps to remember there’s so many people here who are going through the same thing, so we’re kind of going through it together. Thank you❤️

star1232

Date posted: 1y

Can i talk to you plz?

liliesinbloom

Date posted: 1y

@star1232 Me? Sure

star1232

Date posted: 1y

@bloominglotus Yes but where?

liliesinbloom

Date posted: 1y

@star1232 What are you looking to talk about? Something you’re struggling with? If so it’d probably be best to make a post about it on here and have someone else help you. Not that I don’t want to help, but I’m not a professional and don’t have any kind of diagnosis. I just use this app for support until I can get a therapist. But I can listen. I don’t have any social media aside from instagram and I’m nervous about talking to anyone off of this app. I apologize

star1232

Date posted: 1y

@bloominglotus I just wanted to ask you something but its ok

Conquering_OCD

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 23w

Hurting so deeply

I am hurting so much right now. I feel sad and disgusted with myself that I would even worry about these things (pocd). What kind of a human even thinks that and has doubts about that?? Definitely not one that’s rational or mentally sane. That kind of stuff should be a no brainer so why do I worry about it so much and what does it say about me? I feel sick and disgusted and can’t stop crying over it. I just feel so defeated like I want to disappear. I started ERP and every time I resist reassuring myself it comes back at me from every angle. I hate this so much.

POCD

nae nae

Date posted: 19w

Tired of feeling like a bad person

I genuinely can't help but feel irredeemable over every little mistake made or regret I've had. It's so up and down, but I just miss the certainty. Knowing "this is who I am." I'm so disconnected from myself. Like, I'm really, really trying. Today is really rough... I got triggered the other night, and it's been hell since. I've been fighting seeking reassurance. I want it so, so incredibly bad, but I know it won't help me :( Some days, I just don't want to be here. It's funny because yesterday I felt amazing until I got triggered. I just immediately spiraled after that. I don't know. Does it genuinely get better? Will therapy really help me? Sometimes, I think maybe this is the best it'll get, and that scares me. Sorry for the vent. I'm just feeling so overwhelmingly anxious right now. I can't even cry (due to Zoloft). It feels claustrophobic somehow, having all these emotions trapped inside of my body with nowhere to go 😭

liyah1787g

Date posted: 18w

Anyone else?

TW: SEWERSLIDE WARNING I’m scared to continue living because I don’t want the worst to happen. The worst being me discovering I’m a sociopath, pedophile, ephebophile etc… I have people I don’t want to disappoint. I keep looking for an excuse/something wrong with me so that I can decide whether I want to continue living or just end my life and save myself from the embarrassment of my loved ones finding out. At the same time I’m afraid to die. I feel like I’m not making a lot of progress in therapy. The only thing keeping me going right now is the thought that maybe one day I will find out that I’m not a creep, a sociopath &/or an ephebophile. At the same time living everyday is hard with all this looming over me. Some days I feel like I can continue no &’s ifs or buts. Other days I feel like im my own cheerleader & i am actually this bad person i think i am. I am so confused. Yesterday this thing came up where i suddenly find myself thinking a 17 yr old actor is attractive mind you im 21 yrs old.. idk if this is arousal nonconcordance or what it is honestly..I’m just afraid that it says something about who I am.. maybe that’s why I like guys my age with smaller bodies because it reminds me of a younger person??? Idk

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