Not doing good

Today was a very hard day in my head. I am incredibly convinced that I am a p or I was one as a teen and I feel so incredibly worried and alone and defeated and scared. I’ve been thinking about things I did in the past and I feel very scared and convinced I am this person. I’m so messed up. I’m tired and I don’t want to die but I’m also suicidal and I just want it to end. I can’t do it. I need help but I can’t get therapy right now. I’m really not doing well.

[Deleted]

Date posted: 1y

Comment deleted by user

liliesinbloom

Date posted: 1y

@Eclectica Thank you so much for saying that. It’s very scary and isolating. Maybe I will have to try that, I feel desperate for some kind of help. Thank you so much for telling me.

liliesinbloom

Date posted: 1y

@Eclectica Thank you🥹

jpell0w

Date posted: 1y

Remember that you’re not alone! I like to believe a kind of kinship between us who are interconnected with OCD! As strange as it sounds! The purpose is for you and I and anyone to feel comfortable in our own skin, accepting it’s the thoughts but being less sensitive to its feelings! It’s hard I know and I’m no expert at all! But it’s from my heart!

liliesinbloom

Date posted: 1y

@jpell0w Thank you so so much for the kind words. It can feel very convincing and scary sometimes, and it’s isolating for sure. But that’s a really good way to think about it, that we’re all kind of interconnected. I think I get convinced that I’m the one who’s in denial. But it helps to remember there’s so many people here who are going through the same thing, so we’re kind of going through it together. Thank you❤️

star1232

Date posted: 1y

Can i talk to you plz?

liliesinbloom

Date posted: 1y

@star1232 Me? Sure

star1232

Date posted: 1y

@bloominglotus Yes but where?

liliesinbloom

Date posted: 1y

@star1232 What are you looking to talk about? Something you’re struggling with? If so it’d probably be best to make a post about it on here and have someone else help you. Not that I don’t want to help, but I’m not a professional and don’t have any kind of diagnosis. I just use this app for support until I can get a therapist. But I can listen. I don’t have any social media aside from instagram and I’m nervous about talking to anyone off of this app. I apologize

star1232

Date posted: 1y

@bloominglotus I just wanted to ask you something but its ok

flyana

Date posted: 24w

oh my god, I'm struggling today

tw . . . . . . I don't want to trigger anyone, so please be warned before reading. I'm feeling pretty hopeless. I don't know if I deserve... anything. I've had two therapists now tell me I'm normal and I don't need to worry so much, but I find it hard to believe them. Just when I think I'm doing okay, thoughts flood back in. I feel like the world is better off without me in it and that others would agree if they weren't a paid therapist there to give me reassurance. I'm tempted to break up with my boyfriend because he doesn't deserve this. I want to pretend I'm okay for the sake of my parents. But if they passed away, I'm not sure I'd have much strength to live for myself. This feeling is pretty bad right now. Overwhelming. I have absolutely no love for myself. I can't even distract myself by watching TV or shows I love, because all I can think is, "Look at those people. They deserve to live and be happy, and I'm not one of them." Gah, this is bad. I'm an adult, and I feel like such a baby for feeling this way. How dramatic am I? How can other people have similar (if not worse) thoughts than me, and then still be ok with themselves? I miss the person I used to be. I miss feeling okay. I feel ok momentarily, but then it all comes crashing down. I can't stand it. All I want is for things to go back to how they used to be.

Conquering_OCD

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 20w

Hurting so deeply

I am hurting so much right now. I feel sad and disgusted with myself that I would even worry about these things (pocd). What kind of a human even thinks that and has doubts about that?? Definitely not one that’s rational or mentally sane. That kind of stuff should be a no brainer so why do I worry about it so much and what does it say about me? I feel sick and disgusted and can’t stop crying over it. I just feel so defeated like I want to disappear. I started ERP and every time I resist reassuring myself it comes back at me from every angle. I hate this so much.

POCD

nae nae

Date posted: 16w

Tired of feeling like a bad person

I genuinely can't help but feel irredeemable over every little mistake made or regret I've had. It's so up and down, but I just miss the certainty. Knowing "this is who I am." I'm so disconnected from myself. Like, I'm really, really trying. Today is really rough... I got triggered the other night, and it's been hell since. I've been fighting seeking reassurance. I want it so, so incredibly bad, but I know it won't help me :( Some days, I just don't want to be here. It's funny because yesterday I felt amazing until I got triggered. I just immediately spiraled after that. I don't know. Does it genuinely get better? Will therapy really help me? Sometimes, I think maybe this is the best it'll get, and that scares me. Sorry for the vent. I'm just feeling so overwhelmingly anxious right now. I can't even cry (due to Zoloft). It feels claustrophobic somehow, having all these emotions trapped inside of my body with nowhere to go 😭

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