ROCD in Marriage

Hey guys. I haven’t posted on here in a very long time, because honestly it’s been great. Does it mean my husband and I haven’t had our moments where we have fought or everything‘s been easy? No. but when it comes to really intense spikes, those haven’t really existed and it’s been great. But about a month ago, I had a very gentle spike, where a question came up related to ROCD And my husband and I were with our family for the holiday, so being that we were around people I couldn’t really talk to him about it, so I texted him. The spike was really random, and it really caught me off guard, and being, so since I hadn’t felt something like that, and it almost being a year, it scared me a little bit. So I texted him since we couldn’t actually talk, And I was expecting him to be a little offended and frustrated because he feels like he is being attacked when these things come up, but he wasn’t and he was really supportive and loving and it was really nice and it actually feels like it diffused the ROCD a little, which gave me a lot of sense of support and love from him. Fast forward to now, I was on my drive home from my job, and I had just gotten off the phone with him, and I was feeling great, and I had a long drive ahead of me, and I was actually missing him and ready to be home. And then I had another one of those random spur thoughts that kinda gave me , a little of an anxiety spike, and this one surrounded More around the thought of me, thinking back to a year and a year and a half ago when I had my last impulse of wanting to leave. The impulses really came from nothing serious they were just these really really strong pushes of emotions that made me feel like I had to do that, and I absolutely hated those feelings and hated when those moments happened and when it came up into my memory today, it gave me a lot of anxiety cause even thinking about them isn’t something I want to do. And so with that question came up along with the feelings that really bothered me and then I started to think, well would that happened again? What will I do? How will we get through it again? Will I have control to stand against the impulses? Just so many anxious questions. So on the drive, I chewed on them, try to be present and enjoy myself on the drive, even though these were in the back of my mind, along with that, I was trying to figure out if I needed to talk to my husband about it. And so when I got home, all I said was “ hey I don’t want to talk about this long because I don’t want to feed it but here is what was on my mind tonight and this is how I feel blah blah blah blah blah” and I was expecting him to be the compassionate supportive person that I received last month. But instead he was hurt and frustrated and irritated at the fact that I brought this up and honestly that just added to my anxiety that I was trying to diffuse, and now we’re in a fight because neither of us feel understood and it’s just really hard. What started with one focus of my ROCD anxious questions has now turned into More based on his reaction. Then, because of his reaction, it puts my mind into a place of focusing on all the negative things about him, which is also another RCD thing that really sucks . It’s been so long since I have been through this, and these tensions between my husband and I when it comes to this topic, so I would really like some responses and encouragement and help on how you guys have gotten through these moments with your spouse? I am also strong in my Christian faith so if anybody else is, that would be super helpful also. Thank you!

ctmont

Date posted: 1y

Omg!!! I am literally going through the EXACT same thing. It’s been 3 years since my last big spike. I’m a teacher and my class this year has been hard and now the holidays have hit and added extra stress. My husband made a comment a couple of weeks ago like “I wish our relationship were flirtier like the neighbors’” and it has sent me down a rabbit hole of doubt. It has me doubting my entire existence. I keep trying to sit with the agony of doubt and not google (my compulsion) but it’s so hard!!! We’re supposed to go to Mexico for our 10 year anniversary in a couple weeks and it’s giving me more anxiety bc I’m afraid my OCD is going to sabotage everything. Ugh. The point is, I know what you’re going through and it sucks. Just know you’re not alone. We’ve beaten it before, and we can do it again.

JustMe2025

Date posted: 22w

ROCD hits hard

Hey I'm new here... Married for two years, not formally diagnosed with OCD but over 25 years, I've dealt with obsessing over my sexuality, then it has shifted to obsessing over my relationships. In my first marriage, I would notice other attractive men and at one point I started to obsess over one man at my church. Eventually it went away but I divorced for other reasons. Fast forward 15 years. I meet my now-husband, but we break up twice while dating. I was terrified. I have learned I do struggle with fearful/avoidant attachment, but I made it through to get married!! But now, the obsessing over other men is happening again. I work with a lot of men. If I notice one who may be handsome, all of a sudden I feel weird sensations in my body, my mind races, and I fear I want to cheat, or wonder if I'd be happier. It has happened with a guy at my church, several coworkers, my husband's best friend...so I know there's a pattern. But as of late, it has gotten worse with one coworker. I have to see him every day. The thoughts are loud. They feel real, like they're how I feel (I like him, he has nice eyes, I love you). I am a Christian, and when I pray about it, it's almost like something inside me says, 'don't fix this, this isn't OCD, I want this guy' blah blah blah. I feel awful, like a whore, like a cheater, like a double-minded person. And I feel so far away from my husband. I've dealt with feeling the need to confess everything early in our relationship. I've gotten better at not doing that, but I feel like I carry this private pain that no one understands. It really hurts. I guess I just needed to vent and let this out. Sometimes it feels so lonely. I feel crazy. I'm in my 50s, I have a full time job, I take care of my home, yet I feel paralyzed by this sometimes. Thanks for reading.

clair_m88

Date posted: 16w

ROCD help

Hi everyone. Definitely not feeling great these past couple days. I struggle with ROCD and have been trying to navigate that for a long time. I have a relationship that means a lot to me with a boyfriend that is extremely special and kind and we laugh together so much and it really is the best. However, there are some times where he has been destructive, not in a serious way, but just as a coping mechanism, like drinking, and going out with friends. I think for me, I come from a childhood where one of my parents struggles with drinking, and I know how much of a toll I can put on the family. Me and my boyfriend are not there, but I definitely project a lot of these things onto him and it really fuels my ROCD. He really started doing this more in our relationship once his mom passed away very suddenly almost a year ago. I think I’m starting to become nervous because the anniversary of her death is next month, and I can sort of feel myself starting to self sabotage. I’m kind of nitpicking certain things, miss reading his moods, and things like that. I can definitely tell that it’s just me trying to protect my fear of abandonment. But I’m just really having a hard time because I’m so scared that things are gonna be hard again, we went through a lot when she first died. Our relationship has grown so much since she did, and we’re at a very good place. I did feel myself starting a fight last night, and that just made this morning feel pretty terrible. If anyone has experienced something similar, that would be helpful. Please be kind, I think I just need some grace right now and some hope I guess.

Relationship OCD

Date posted: 13w

Struggling with ROCD

I’ve been really struggling with Relationship OCD since I got married, and 3 years later, I’m afraid I’ve lost the love of my life. Between the Relationship OCD, the Religious OCD, and the Sexuality OCD, she couldn’t handle it anymore. Now that she left, the fog of doubt has faded, and I’m realizing how much I truly loved her all along. I just don’t understand how our minds can play such sabotaging tricks on us. And why? I don’t know what to do. I hope and pray we eventually get back together, but I know I need help. I want to do whatever I can to return to a place where she can feel loved by me, the way she did before ROCD took over. Is anyone here going through something similar? Has anyone overcome ROCD? Were you able to repair your relationship? I’d really appreciate any insight or advice. Thank you.

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ROCD in Marriage

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