Real event happened(TW: harassment, stalking)

So I've been struggling deeply with uncomfortable intrusive sexual thoughts and it makes me feel so awful and like I'm a bad person even though I never ever want to do these things. I was doing really well recently but then at my school some stranger walked up to me and started being really creepy and making sexual comments and trying to touch me inappropriately and he was just being like really agreesive towards me. It really freaked me out and I've been feeling so dirty and gross. Apparently I found out it happened to another girl as well and now I'm worried about seeing him again or something. I guess I just feel terrible because my OCD is saying that im going to be like him or that I deserved what happened to me and it's been really difficult... I reported it and everything I just need advice on how to deal with this

NotSoNewb82

Date posted: 1y

Report it. Somebody else may be relying on you to do that.

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

@NotSoNewb82 1. Neko_Mancer did say they reported it. 2. I am going to respond as if Neko had not reported it, or had not shared about reporting it, for an educational moment: Respectfully, as a survivor of the same stuff, his behavior is not on Neko and saying it is on Neko to stop it puts shifts responsibility away from him. All Neko needs to worry about is healing from his behavior and coping with OCD. Choosing whether or not to report is up to Neko and is a process with many factors at play, including physical and emotional safety, and Neko does not owe us any more explanations about that as it can be emotionally exhausting to explain why you chose to report or not. It is not as simple as “report it,” though it is very understandably why one would have the impulse to suggest that and it comes from care and the desire to protect. If Neko has the energy, resources, and desire to report the behavior, that is up to Neko. Guilting Neko into it (even if that is not what you are trying to do) is not fair or helpful. It is more coercion when Neko has already been coerced. The best way you can help someone dealing with harassment and stalking is to honor their autonomy. You obviously care about people and protecting them, and dealing with this stuff and talking to survivors has a lot if learning curves. 💙

NotSoNewb82

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous I’m a survivor of abuse myself. In my situation and imo it should have been dealt with properly at the time. I do not blame Neko

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

@NotSoNewb82 I’m sorry to hear you’ve also had to survive abuse. I wish you continued strength and resilience in your healing journey. 🫶

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

Hey, I can relate. You are not alone. I am going to try to give support without giving reassurance which is hard because I know the agony you’re in and I am just getting back into ERP myself after a long hiatus to work on my OCD more. I will say just as a fellow survivor of this stuff, you did *not* deserve it. I feel like if that one’s reassurance screw it, survivors just need to hear that. My brain also tells me I’m going to be like the men who hurt me. I’m more worried if I give reassurance on that one your brain will do what my brain does and find a new “what if?” or a new piece of evidence to counteract it, and you’ll end up with more stress, so for now I’ll leave it at that. Try to treat yourself with love and lean on those you trust right now to get through. If you’re able to let the OCD thoughts pass through your mind without attaching emotion to them, that will help with time. I’ve done ERP on and off since I was 15 and that technique helped me personally the most. But hey, I’m back needing more support again too so I get it. Sending a lot of love. 💕💕💕💕💕💕💕

Ocd9239

Date posted: 1y

I'm so sorry:(

Uhhhh15

Date posted: 20w

I feel gross

I shouldn’t have done this (trigger trigger trigger!!) So about a month ago..maybe I watched this video (as a compulsion to prove to myself) The video was called “interview with a p3d0” And basically it was what it says, I watched or more like listened to half of it…after I was disgusted by the person, but now all I can think of is every little thing I do, I feel as if tho I’m monitoring every thought/moment and feeling I have it’s torturous and I hate it..I feel disgusting, the person in the video has empathy and sympathy and had those feelings yk, I can’t explain it you’d have to watch the video yourself but please don’t it will ruin your journey…I feel more hopeless then before, my OCD is telling me so many things trying to convince me things that Ik aren’t true, I’m just really scared I don’t want to be that person I want to be a good cousin and person to my family, I’m sick of my head and myself, I’m so tired that sometimes I can’t even think straight, my head is always in pain and idek how to help myself..compulsions have been becoming more and more exhausting… I need advice or even someone to relate to, I understand I shouldn’t have done what I did but idk how to forget it.. I had made this post already but when someone replied I couldn’t see it for some reason so I’m uploading it again

Neko_Mancer

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 11w

I feel broke and hopeless.

I'm currently at one of the lowest points with my OCD despite me working so hard on it and everything that I know it stems from because a lot of my OCD comes from trauma from sexual abuse as a kid and as I got older and a lot of other stuff which is also why I have Complex PTSD. I was doing so well, I started medication, and I was in this dual housing program for treatment and everything was going okay. That was until I ended up getting SA’D by a man there and none of the staff cared or did anything despite me doing everything possible and gathering all of this evidence and all the people there either didn't care or bullied me relentlessly as they laughed with my abuser. It was so painful and I felt so alone. I think what triggered my spiral was that it was very similar to the reactions of my past assaults and thus my OCD came spiralling alongside my C-PTSD symptoms and I feel like it is worse then before. I left that place but its still absolutely terrible and I feel so hopeless and hurt. Not only did this man hurt me like I have been in the past he brought back the very thing that caused me so many years of suffering. It makes me sick. I don't want to think these thoughts or feel these horrible urges and sensations. I feel so disgusting and broken.

POCD

Andi 🤓☝️

Date posted: 7w

So distressed plz help :( 18+

*tmi warning* I'm so worried im a P. Ive been crying daily unable to do anything else but ruminate over my real events. When i was 14 (before ocd) i was watching adult content and it was censored. The woman had similar features like hair and skin color as my niece. I remember noticing that and saying "huh i guess I'll imagine that as the adult version of my niece" and I did and after i was finished i moved on and didnt think anything was wrong. I dont know if i ever thought about that again? Its so blurry ocd keeps saying i did it again in a different time but i dont remember its too blurry and its scaring me so badly! I didnt even remember this till like literally last week and i wanted to die! Im 20 for context. When I remembered i immediately broke down in tears. I vaguely rmemeber this other thought i had of her when self pleasuring when I was 16??? I think it was a testing thought out of distress? But im not sure at all! It was extremely vague image and unrealistic i dont think I liked it but maybe i did?! Im so distressed its like i remmeber 2 versions of this particular event which is why I think its ocd false memories from there. Ive been ruminating and spiraling for almost a week. I keep crying i havent ate well at all in days ive been honestly dehydrating myself and i cannot sleep. I feel like a monster. I did the mistake of researching last night and kept comparing myself to the "criteria" of those sickos and like I felt so distressed. I also have been asking ai for hours on end everyday. I feel so distressed im literally crying rn as i write this i cant calm down i feel like this sick individual even tho I dont even like thinking of that at all i dont think I meant ill intent when i was a teen but its killing me inside. I would NEVER harm anyone nor want to or plan to, deep down i know I would never act out in those evil ways but like whats killing me is what if im attracted?! Is this a sign?! Am i one of those people?! Am i attracted to my niece bc of those 2 maybe even 3(??)thoughts years ago?! Did i mean ill intent?! Am I an actual danger?! Am I a monster??? I have so many urges to confess to my mom im so scared what this all means or could mean. I feel so alone and scared. Like legit whenever i get intrusive thoughts about gross stuff i feel disgusted and anxious and push it away. Those thoughts do not bring me pleasure whatsoever but this real event is making me doubt my own identity 😔

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Real event happened(TW: harassment, stalking)

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