I feel like something that pulls me back into the ocd cycle is the fear that I won’t ever feel like my normal self again. That every single thing I go through since OCD ruined my life will be tainted by OCD. I have been in therapy for six months now and days like today I feel hopeless that I will never get better coz it’s been too many months now and it still has a hold on me. Does anyone feel the same way?
I struggle with the same thing. To give you some context, I've been in therapy for 2 years and I still have OCD flare ups. I know that is probably triggering to hear, but something that I've realized is that OCD is a chronic condition that will never go away, but I CAN learn to manage it and live a happy, fulfilling life alongside it. When I started therapy 2 years ago, OCD had such a bad hold on me that I barely left my house, didn't have a steady job, and was terrified to pursue relationships. since that time, I've toured the country with my band, been in a relationship, got a full time job, and am starting college! I couldn't have done it without ERP. There are days (like today, like this very moment) where OCD feels so strong and I feel helpless and angry and scared, but I know deep down that these feelings will pass, and I will make it through! this. Keep doing ERP, it is so worth it. I wish you luck!
I’ve felt this way many times, especially within my first year of treatment. What I keep in mind is that I’ve had OCD for years, but didn’t get diagnosed until I was 31. So it will take time to re-wire my brain and change thought patterns (mental compulsions) that I had struggled with for years. Nothing happens overnight (though I wish I did). Your OCD will also try to tell you that you won’t get better. Ignore that voice. What may help is also looking at your progress. 6 months in therapy is a big accomplishment. Is there anything you can do now, that you couldn’t before you started therapy? Celebrate any and all wins.
well said! Whenever I beat myself up about being in therapy for 2 years and not seeing "more improvement," I remind myself I'm learning to rewire decades of faulty thought patterns. It takes time!
@Anonymous I’ve definitely made progress. When my OCD was triggered badly/ when I realise I needed professional help. I would hide in my room and cry all day and avoid everyone and everything. I now work a full time job - which is pretty amazing but I was saying to my therapist I’m functioning now but I’m not happy. OCD has sucked the happiness and joy out of everything and I can’t escape my brain it’s comes me wherever I go. It’s hard because I don’t like the treatment advice I get. Accepting the thoughts being there , when before this I don’t remember feeling like this, being scared of myself so why can I not get back to that without accepting the thoughts. I don’t want them there and I feel like I won’t feel happy until they gone 😩
@Lalala321 Working a full time job is amazing! That’s wonderful. Acceptance is really, really hard. I wish I had advice on it, but I struggle with it too. But I do know OCD will latch on more strongly, the more you wish you didn’t have the thoughts. But you can be happy even while the thoughts are there. Look at all your progress, despite having OCD.
I’ve been dealing with ocd my whole life, and just got diagnosed about a year ago. I feel my days becoming occupied with thoughts, urges, fears and worry that completely debilitate me. It’s getting to the point where i feel like it’s taking over my life. I don’t see this getting any better, even with the therapy and medication I’m on. I’m scared my life will be like this forever, I’m tired. My brain is tired of ruminating every second of every day from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep. I’m not sure how much longer I can go on like this.
I dont know what to do anymore. I think Ive had the 'pure O' version of OCD for more than ten years. I feel like so much of my life has been wasted from this disease. For the longest time I just tried to ignore the intrusive thoughts, and push them off as anxiety, and basically dissociated for years of my life. Feels like Ive just been on autopilot and a shell of myself for nearly 15 years. Its actually hard to even imagine of all the experiences, emotions, connections with others, and personal growth that Ive missed out on- if I do, I think it would be too much to handle. I think Ive even forgot and dont even know at this point what it is to live a normal life and experience positive emotions. Now that I sought treatment for it specifically, it feels like it's gotten worse. Like by acknowledging that part of myself, suddenly added focus just makes it more real and in the forefront now. I wonder if I am actually going insane. Will not go into details for reassurance but the thoughts just rip my soul out. Its so difficult as well because I will get random 'clarity moments' throughout the day where I feel like Ive solved something, then get completely derailed by another OCD thought stream and forget everything. It feels like Im just on a merry-go-round of hell, not going anywhere thinking I am at times.
I’m so scared I’ll be stuck in this forever soo soo scared
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