Accept uncertainty and question your assumptions about worst case scenarios. Recognize all or nothing thinking and practice taking a step back. It's tough, but we can do this!
Be willing to "experiment" with your treatment, approaches to intrusive thoughts may vary for instance. Some might welcome the thoughts, some might mock them - a bit of both is possible. Expand that toolkit and see what works for you š
I have primarily health OCD, and my biggest issue is that Iām not sure Iām capable of accepting uncertainty. Iāve been in a massive spiral now for over 2.5 months. I just keep jumping from one health thing to the next and Iām absolutely driving myself crazy. Not to mention the constant feeling of absolute terror and panic I have just about every day. Itās no way to live š how does one accept uncertainty?
@emilytravelswild Have you cried telling yourself these things might happen?
@nate01 Tried*
@nate01 Yes. Iāve gone the whole āmaybe it is, maybe it isnāt trueā and also just āyep, this will probably happen!ā It heightens my anxiety and then my anxiety doesnāt lower. (Iām having a difficult time with certain aspects of ERP)
@emilytravelswild I see, anxiety eventually falls but it does take a while. When a fear comes at you and you say I might get sick or whatever your specific one is. You have to sit there and breath as you let the thoughts run through your mind. Then it gets weaker
@nate01 That just feels like absolute torture. I donāt believe my anxiety will lower and Iāll be stuck with those awful feelings forever
@emilytravelswild That comment made me smile. Yeah it sucks but the way I see it if we donāt do something now than itās either a little torture or a life of torture
@nate01 Lol. I really have a hard time with ERP, particularly when trying to trigger it on my own. Itās like my body shuts down and I canāt get the anxiety to rise. Also, I have PTSD and was told not to go full in on ERP until that is managed? So I just donāt know what to do
@emilytravelswild Yeah PTSD probably makes it a little tricker to tackle. What my ocd therapist told me was if the treatment doesnāt lower anxiety than you to expose harder. You should look into worry scripts maybe that will help the exposure really cause anxiety
@nate01 I wonder if itās my subconscious trying to protect me. Because I have SO MUCH anxiety and panic throughout the day that when Iām trying to practice exposures, itās just like no. We need a break. I do treat the rest of my triggers with ERP so I feel like Iām still practicing. I just have a hard time triggering it on purpose.
@emilytravelswild Ocd is a safety mechanism. Before I ever noticed my ocd symptoms I went through a traumatic experience and they came out. So it was almost as my brain was defending me. Yeah erp is hard and it takes a lot of experimentation to get places. But you can do it!
So this is contamination specific, but I like to think something along the lines of "well I have an immune system so that can protect me from these germs" or whatever it may be
Those of you who have overcome at least a bit, if not all, of your OCD. When you went through the CBT and ERP, did it feel like the end of the world? And how did you face the fact that your fears and uncertainties might actually come to life?
Looking back, I realize Iāve had OCD since I was 7. though I wasnāt diagnosed until I was 30. As a kid, I was consumed by fears I couldnāt explain: "What if God isnāt real? What happens when we die? How do I know Iām real?" These existential thoughts terrified me, and while everyone has them from time to time, I felt like they were consuming my life. By 12, I was having daily panic attacks about death and war, feeling untethered from reality as depersonalization and derealization set in. At 15, I turned to drinking, spending the next 15 years drunk, trying to escape my mind. I hated myself, struggled with my body, and my intrusive thoughts. Sobriety forced me to face it all head-on. In May 2022, I finally learned I had OCD. I remember the exact date: May 10th. Reading about it, I thought, "Oh my God, this is it. This explains everything." My main themes were existential OCD and self-harm intrusive thoughts. The self-harm fears were the hardest: "What if I kill myself? What if I lose control?" These thoughts terrified me because I didnāt want to die. ERP changed everything. At first, I thought, "You want me to confront my worst fears? Are you kidding me?" But ERP is gradual and done at your pace. My therapist taught me to lean into uncertainty instead of fighting it. Sheād say, "Maybe youāll kill yourselfāwho knows?" At first, it felt scary, but for OCD, it was freeing. Slowly, I realized my thoughts were just thoughts. ERP gave me my life back. Iām working again, Iām sober, and for the first time, I can imagine a future. If youāre scared to try ERP, I get it. But if youāre already living in fear, why not try a set of tools that can give you hope?
I used to get caught in a loop with existential thoughts very frequently. Every question made my stomach drop: (TW: existential questions) ā¦ ā¦ ... "Why does anything exist at all? What will death be like? Is anything even real? Is there any meaning to this? Is the universe infinitely big, and if not, what's beyond it? Are there multiverses? Has the universe been around forever? Will the universe end for good, or will it keep going forever? What is forever like? What even IS reality?" It would get so overwhelming that I remember lying on the floor in a fetal position for hours because I felt like there was no escape. I spent most of my days reading articles and watching videos about theoretical astrophysics and philosophy in a desperate attempt to "figure it all out." Of course that only made me more anxious, raised more questions, and kept me trapped in the cycle. Things started to improve once I learned to turn TOWARD reality, rather than away from it, and ERP really helped me do that. I learned that these questions weren't the problem. I learned that I can actually handle the anxiety that arises when exposed to these ideas and concepts. I don't have to figure anything out to make the anxiety go away; it arises and passes away on its own. Ironically, bringing myself into the present moment and becoming more aware of reality helped me escape the cycle of existential dread. Because of that, this topic no longer takes over my life. If I'm triggered by something I see, hear, or think, I may still feel a little twang of anxiety, but then it just goes away. "Maybe, maybe not" has been the single most useful phrase of my life. Do you ever get trapped in a cycle of existential questions? Are you worried that the ERP approach would be too scary to handle? If so, I'm happy to give my advice.
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