I fear I’ve reached the end of my road. I’m scared. I don’t want to die but I don’t want to live. I’ve struggled with depression for years I’m 27. I can’t see away forward. OCD has consumed me. It sounds nice to not suffer anymore.
hey you aren’t alone. it’ll get better! just remember the thoughts are just thoughts. have you considered medication?
I was in your place, also 27 and still sometimes feel like giving up, but when I feel sad I try to do some intense workout or listen to nature sounds, ocd is hell but we are stronger. Its ok to lay down and embrace yourself if you have no strength. Hope you get better soon 🙏
Sometimes it’s incredibly hard. I get the feeling of not wanting to die but kind of wanting things to just stop. The pain will eventually go away even though it feels like it won’t. I don’t know how to keep going either but you gotta keep going through the motions until they don’t feel pointless anymore
The struggle is real
That’s your OCD taking over. Lean into it and don’t be afraid. You are not your OCD. You have value and there is help. Keep in the game so you got a chance to be happy.
I’ve tried meds before and they were terrible. I made another NOCD appt to readmit myself into therapy again. I’m so scared.
I’m 28 now, I went through a time where I did NOCD ERP and took medication and was able to experience a glimpse of a “normal” life. There were still intrusive thoughts but was able to cope. I stopped ERP and medication. I experienced different themes, but one of my hardest themes came back. It’s so hard, especially when you’re in your late 20s, but we can’t give up. We grieve that we were stripped from normal milestones and time lost. Sending you support.
@yessyess Thank you. I am scheduling with my previous therapist again. I just wanted to be a mom in the furtive and wife. I don’t want to lose that but my brain won’t stop. It’s saying I don’t want it.
I feel so bad right now, I feel like I’m back being in a dark place, I feel so convinced that I am attracted to these things like I genuinely feel like I am, and that it makes me agree with it, because it feels so strong… I don’t want to do this anymore, I can’t deal with this anymore, I’m getting in a dark place, I tried to see if my therapist was available and she hasn’t been available since September 17th, before my breakup, before my OCD got even worse. I feel like shit right now and I don’t know why to do anymore, I just want the pain to end so bad… I just don’t wanna fight anymore, I’m not trying to imply anything bad, but like genuinely give up. I just can’t handle any sort of photo of a kid anymore.
I haven't been officially diagnosed with OCD but when I learned more about it, I never related to anything more. A little back story: when I was younger, there were a couple of youth suicides in my area and the schools felt the need to have someone come in and talk about suicide. Well the person they had come in did a horrible job teaching it and basically made it seem like the smallest negative emotion or feeling or change in behavior made you suicidal. This ended up scaring me so much that I got horrid anxiety. Fast forward to now, Everytime I feel anxiety and panic, I fear I'm going to kill myself. Everytime I feel down and depressed, I fear I'll end it all. I'm scared to be around anything sharp because the "What if" I hurt myself comes into my mind. There are always intrusive thoughts at almost every point of the day. And it's not only for me. Everytime I hear someone being negative, I fear they will be suicidal. I know in my heart that none of this is true but it's terrifying me that it's stuck around so much that it makes me scared that maybe it is true. I've had a lot of death in my family in the past year and a half and a lot of other family drama that I'd never had before that is now also bringing up existential intrusive thoughts. And I'd never questioned anything about life before but now I get the "why is life like this?" and "does anything we do matter?" and I hate it. I don't want to think like that. I just want to go through life being able to handle things normally again. It terrifies me even right now going "what if you give up?"
Really bad theme right now is death, I keep thinking about how one day or at any moment my heart will stop my brain will stop & my memories & everything I know will all fade away. It is giving me so much anxiety I’m only 18, but I realize it all happens to us it is bound, we are born to die. I know it’s a silly thing to be scared because it’s not helping the quality of my life worrying about it and even when I do die, I won’t care , if you don’t have a working brain then how can you care 🤷♀️. It is tainting my everyday life currently & honestly making me terribly depressed & it is giving me derealization & making me feel nihilistic, I’ll remind myself it’s okay but then with my ocd i don’t stop thinking and thinking about it and it’s seriously so hard to stay present in the moment because this thought just feels like I can’t scrub it away it’s miserable I struggle with religion, but I do pray to anything that’s out there possibly listening, because it is comforting, it just feels like this whole experience Is pointless & I am afraid of the unknown and what is to possibly happen but I’m subjected to it anyways so why should it matter
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