Feels like Hocd is winning

think the worse right now is I get this urge and its saying,"just accept your gay" and it feels like I should but I don't want to be gay, but when I say that it feels like I'm lying to myself. I haven't felt anxiety or distress for a long time, and I know that before hocd I never had these feelings before, but my hocd loves to mess with my past and says,"when this happened you felt like this" Idk but I'm getting these huge urge to accept being gay, n it uncertainty, my hocd doesn't allow that to happen. But I really don't want to be gay, because I genually don't want to be gay, not because of others or anything else, me as a person don't want to be gay

Sexual Orientation OCD

Username: yessyessyessyess

Date posted: 1y ago

Experiencing this today, I’m a straight girl can’t even say I’m straight because it feels like I’m lying or doubting. But my mind is saying I’m bisexual and a lesbian, and the fact I feel calm is distressing. Also the past week my mind has been using my past. I hate OCD and this theme so much but I want to let you know you’re not alone.

Username: ZTValenZTValen

Date posted: 1y ago

One of the worst parts of OCD recovery, the dreaded backdoor spike. Push through and keep going!

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 1y ago

100 percent with you there. the backdoor spike is honeslty the worse thing possible

Username: Nicolas:)Nicolas:)

Date posted: 1y ago

I get you man, I kind of the same, I don't know if I have the urge, but I spend the whole day feeling gay, and it doesn't feel intrusive anymore, it doesn't even cause me anxiety

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 1y ago

i get that man it sucks, but the way I think about is, gay is not a feeling right? its who you are attracted too, so the way i think of it is if the"feeling gay" is there, its just HOCD anxiety and distress

Username: Nicolas:)Nicolas:)

Date posted: 1y ago

@Anonymous - Yeah but I also get false atraction to dudes, which honestly it's hard to call "false" cause it feels real, and it's mostly withouth anxiety

Username: Lizzie Lizzie

Date posted: 1y ago

Focus on the fact you never had these feelings before HOCD. Surely that tells you something. I have had the calmer moments which makes me worry about why I’m not as anxious as before and what if it’s the truth, but I’ve realised that even when I’m in a state of distress and totally crippled by the thoughts I think ‘what if I’m so anxious because it’s real, why would I be so anxious otherwise’. So basically the level of anxiety isn’t a measure of anything in the end. The OCD will make you question and question and question whether you are a little a bit anxious or having a panic attack. If it’s not one thing, it’s another, and another. It’s relentless and will convince you anything in the end. Jeez it’s hard, hang in there!

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 1y ago

Gotcha. firstly, I can say 100 percent that these thoughts and feelings have never been here before HOCD. But, when it comes to false attraction and false memories it loves to mess with me like that. Like for example it will say,"Hey remeber when you were a little kid and this cartoon character that was a male popped, well you were attracted to that." or with false attraction it will say,"before hocd you had this before" and logically i never had this thoughts or feelings at all but the feelings is whats messing me up because it feels like what my HOCD is telling is the truth, i hope its not tho.

Username: JenniesOCDBrainJenniesOCDBrain

Date posted: 1y ago

hey there, i can only imagine how tough it must be to have these intrusive thoughts messing with your sense of self. 😔 it sounds exhausting to have hocd constantly challenge your past experiences and feelings. you're not alone in this struggle. i've definitely been where you are, and what really turned things around for me was this free AI OCD therapy tool called "unstuck" ([www.keepunstuck.com/try](http://www.keepunstuck.com/try)) that my OCD therapist recommended. it'll be especially helpful for you because it offers personalized, step-by-step support that's like having an OCD therapist in your pocket, guiding you when those tough moments hit. i hate when people promote stuff, but i really think it can help you because it's changed my life. lmk if you have Qs or just want to talk more! <3

Username: ninkaninga

Date posted: 24w ago

Its so scary

I have no idea if this is just OCD and I’m actually just straight or i was in denial my whole life. Now it feels so scary, i feel like im realizing my true self, that ive always been gay, that im just using SO-OCD as a cover up. IT FEELS SO REAL. I even feel like others with SO-OCD dont experience this feeling and i must experience something different. Its literally a feeling like an urge to admit myself that I’m gay and it even feels like i know im gay and i was using OCD as a cover up for 6 years. I cant even describe that feeling. When i try to imagine myself with a girl in my mind it makes me feel like i like that thought like i want it😔 It feels all very very real. I think you guys with SOOCD have different feelings and you actually have OCD. I dont want these thoughts. I dont want to be gay, i dont want to feel this. But maybe i was my whole life in denial. 😭😭

Username: ninkaninga

Date posted: 24w ago

i dont believe i have ocd

I just need to vent. I feel hopeless. When i think about guys i feel anxiety. That’s why im scared that I’m actually experiencing comphet. I dont feel anything for guys. But i also do not want to do anything with girls. But i do get thoughts that im gay. It feels real. It makes me so sad that i feel like this. It feels like i should accept my true identity. I cant anymore. Why does it feel like i know im gay and i just have to come out and admit that I’m gay? 😔 i think no one feels like this. I want to cry. I feel empty.

Username: ninkaninga

Date posted: 20w ago

please help :(

I dont have ocd. I really dont. It feels like im actually a lesbian. I dont feel anything for guys. I dont know how to describe my feelings. It feels like i cant escape my body or my mind. I feel stuck. It feels real. It must be real. But i cant imagine that its real. But it feels so real like im actually a lesbian. I dont want to be. Today i had urges to come out. I feel depressed. I dont wanna live. I cant escape. I just have to accept that im a lesbian.

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Feels like Hocd is winning

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