Has anybody on here ever experienced a loss of sex drive that has caused intrusive thoughts around their relationship or sexuality? I have absolutely no libido and it’s causing me a ton of distress.
anxiety can cause you to lose your sex drive. enjoying sex has a lot to do with feeling a sense of comfort. if you’re constantly in a state of fear you’re not really in the moment therefore how are you gonna enjoy it. doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you. sex drive comes and goes for everyone
I will say that this theme has hit my sex drive pretty hard. The anxiety lowers it the most for me. It adds fuel to the compulsions, that's for sure.
@ZTValen I’m really sorry you’re experiencing this too. Have you tried anything to overcome this?
@al-pal For me, I've just been working on my exposures, as plain of an answer as that is. It's cut and dry, but it works. My wife understands that my OCD is troublesome, so she's patient with me. Outside of that, I've been keeping busy with work and my hobbies.
Me, which has led me to avoid possible encounters, even though I want them, but the possibility of failing due to low libido hits me hard.
@Carlos A I tend to avoid them as well, but it’s really hard being engaged. I want to be close to my fiancé but I have no interest in sex. And I can’t tell if my OCD is causing this low sex drive, or if my low sex drive is contributing to the intrusive thoughts.
@al-pal In my case I think that both scenarios that you propose happen to me, before all the obsession I did not fail, now after many years of rumination and fear and anxiety I am focusing a lot on every sensation and reaction, I am not relaxed and that feeds the obsession because it tells you that if I don't have a libido or I can't perform it means that my fear is real, which leads me to compulsions and being more anxious about intimacy, even though deep down I want to be there.
@Carlos A What have you tried to overcome this?
@al-pal I really haven't been able to do much, I constantly test myself and ruminate all day, I am mentally preparing myself to cut all connection with the compulsions, this is difficult because a failure in bed already happened to me and I was down for months, I could even say I have a trauma because of it, I'm just looking for a way to try again but at my own pace, without pressure, and reconnect with that confidence that I had before all this, but I think the main thing is to cut off the compulsions and expose myself to triggers, and then try, although my biggest fear is not connecting with women again, I hope it comes back in the future, I don't lose hope, it is there but quite weak
What is libido or lose of sex drive
@JohnKit Not wanting to have sex/no desire of anything sexual
Have you found anything that helps?
I started having intrusive thoughts about my sexuality when I got into a relationship with my ex and I wondered if it would seemingly go away but it hasn’t and I find myself ruminating about it constantly especially before or during my period. Has anyone else felt with this?
Hi everyone, I’m a 30-year-old woman, and I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 5 years. I’ve always felt emotionally close to him — he’s caring, supportive, and we planned a future together, including having a family. I don’t want to leave him. He means so much to me. But for a while now, I’ve been obsessing over the fact that I don’t feel much sexual attraction to him anymore. It’s not like I never felt anything — when we first met, there were butterflies, excitement, emotional connection… something real. He was never “just a friend” to me. But the physical side of the relationship feels like it’s slowly faded, and I’m panicking about what that means. I keep thinking things like: – “Maybe I chose the wrong person.” – “You can’t be in love without sexual desire.” – “If I was truly in love, I would still want him.” – “What if I’ve been lying to myself this whole time?” Sometimes my body reacts — I can feel physical closeness or even arousal — but my mind shuts down and says: “no, this isn’t right.” Other times, I feel tension, resistance, or even disgust during intimacy, and I can’t tell if that’s anxiety or if something is fundamentally wrong. What makes this even more confusing is that I truly believe that real love includes sexual attraction. For me, it’s all part of one feeling — not separate. So if the attraction is gone, does that mean the love is too? Is it possible that this is still OCD — that my mind is obsessing and disconnecting me from my real feelings? Has anyone experienced something similar? Any support would mean so much. I feel so stuck between my mind and my heart.
I’m struggling with something I’m afraid to even admit out loud. I’ve been in a long-term relationship with someone I love deeply. He’s kind, safe, and emotionally close to me — and we’ve built a life together. But I keep obsessing over the fact that I don’t feel much sexual attraction anymore. Or maybe… I never truly did? At the beginning, I felt butterflies, excitement, connection — and I assumed that meant I was also attracted to him physically. But now, after reading so much and reflecting more deeply, I’m starting to wonder if I ever truly felt sexual desire in the way I was “supposed to.” Maybe my feelings were more about emotional longing, comfort, and romantic closeness — but not sexual chemistry. And now I don’t know what that means. OCD makes it so much worse. It constantly tells me: – “If you really loved him, you’d want him.” – “You’re leading him on.” – “What if you’re lying to yourself?” – “If you try to fix this and fail, you’ll have to leave.” I feel stuck between wanting to fight for this relationship — and being terrified that trying will just prove it’s hopeless. Has anyone experienced something like this? Can OCD really make you question something so deeply personal? And how do you move forward when even trying feels terrifying? Any thoughts or support would mean the world right now.
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