my ocd lately is convincing me that I'm agreeing with my intrusive thoughts when I'm avoiding mental compulsions, it's hard to explain but it's giving me the gut feeling that I'm agreeing and letting my worst fears happen.. it's literal hell in my head
Oh my god. I swore I was the only one. Like “maybe I do wanna end it all” or “maybe I do want to harm *whoever*” though for 21+ years I have NEVER been like that. Lemme guess it feels like an urge? When you KNOW you won’t but everything else is saying you want to?
it's like.. its forcing me to agree and let the things happen to the point where I have to do the compulsion and yes it also feels like an urge which I DON'T want but still have it?
@iluvsatoru Exactly. I get a lot of feeling better but then suddenly it’s a FLASH memory of those problems or how they’ll never heal and I do well with the “this is uncomfortable but it’s not my value as a person so thank you brain but it doesn’t matter” then a little while later it’s an urge then I break again then I’ll feel much better and confidently say “hmm now I feel silly” just a cycle.
@Anonymous does your brain switch your thoughts ? for example when you're doing a compulsion it blocks what you're trying to say and turns it into the opposite of what you want to say, it messes your head and makes you feel insane
@iluvsatoru More like if I don’t finish the thought then I’ll go insane - like if try to distract or I interrupt what my thought was then it’ll feel like it didn’t finish but if I finish the thought then it’ll feel like an urge and I’ll get super distressed knowing I don’t want to but my brain makes me feel like I want to
@Anonymous im like this with the voice that's cursing god. if I do the compulsion my brain gives me urges to curse god even more even tho i don't want to but if i don't finish the compulsion I feel guilty as if my life is falling apart
@iluvsatoru I believe that’s the healing process. If you give into the compulsion then you’ll never be okay. Ever. Just temporarily and that isn’t good for anyone who was put here. God knows all things before we do so he knows what we go through. Your brain curses God but your heart knows it’s not what you want and so does God. I heard therapy is a nightmare but it’s what pulls you out. Like being underwater and losing the ability to hold your break any longer but you can’t come up without breaking the ice blocking your way. Once your out you can breath again. And worse part is compulsions can be anything to going outside, to thinking to much, to tapping your foot
@Anonymous I know right, the more compulsions I do the more intrusive thoughts my brain throws to "solve". I'm trying to recover no matter how hard it is. it won't be easy but we got this, I believe we can get out of this, stay strong <3
I experience this too, or that it’s a little voice and that little voice is my inner voice. I can’t tell what’s real or false anymore.
I have really bed harming intrusive thoughts and sometimes feels like it’s feeling! The thoughts happening every day and the hardest part is that I’m testing my self in head all the time if that’s what I am or want!!! Also, so many times feels like I’m been tricking myself and doctor or people and maybe I don’t have OCD, just that maybe it’s me really!!!! How can I know who I am really 🥹???!!??
It is not the thoughts or urges that scare me anymore. It is the way I feel like I’ve absorbed the compulsions into my identity :( I am doing them so automatically that it feels like I am choosing them freely and they’re me. and because of that, it feels like I AM the OCD now, not just someone with OCD. I think I’m just deeply trapped in a loop. I was trying to survive unbearable fear so I started scanning. Then I started pre-scanning. Then checking if I pre-scanned. Then I check how I feel during all that. I run to beat my OCD to the “punchline” (intrusive thought, urge, sensation) because I’m so scared all the time. So scared that I don’t even feel it anymore. I feel numb and all that’s left is this jittery residue and numbness. Now it’s all tangled together in a huge knot. I feel so extremely lost. I think this may just be meta OCD, but I’ve never ever felt so gone before :( I’m really scared.
My ocd them has gotten worse and I’m trying my hardest to not look for reassurance. Why does my mind play these tricks on me that I’m saying my thoughts out loud????? I’m trying my hardest to ignore it but it’s making me depressed. When I’m ignoring it my brain will go to “everybody will talk about you” “you said something bad” “you said it out loud and when you’ll live a terrible life”. I don’t know what to do anymore
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