Holidays and OCD

It’s going to be two weeks since this OCD flare or episode or however you call it started. I miss who I was before this, the one who did ERP and took medicine and got to see a glimpse of what a “normal” life looks like. I am a gift giver and would be so excited about Christmas and wrap gifts for my nieces and nephews, I forgot to buy gifts this year. I’m trying my best to stay present. I stopped going to church, this episode has been so bad it brought me to church again. Seeking comfort. I did so much mental checking that I had no anxiety and started crying that I didn’t have anxiety. Of course mental checking will backfire. I hate that I’m putting my family through this. I’m so thankful for their support, but I feel so incompetent. I just graduated college after struggling 7 years and feel like interacting with society is too much. I’ve done it before but I’m just scared what if this time it’s different? I miss who I was before this OCD episode.

yessyess

Date posted: 1y

Trusting that what I’m experiencing is OCD and that there are other people experiencing this gives me a bit of hope. That no matter how our brains convince that our thoughts are unique, that at the end of the day this has a name. Sending love to everyone struggling this time of year.

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

I'm sorry. I'm in college right now and had to take a break to take care of OCD, but it's been 2 years now and I feel the same, so I'm going back anyway. I'm sorry you're feeling this way. If you need to talk, I'll be open to listen to you :)

yessyess

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous Thank you so much. Proud of you for taking care of yourself before going back to college.

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

@yessyess Thanks. I'm trying. Life is really hard, ya know?

ZTValen

Date posted: 1y

Taking your time to get through college isn't something to be ashamed of. I think I changed my major three times before I settled on and finished my degree. Hope ya have a great holiday season, though!

yessyess

Date posted: 1y

@ZTValen Thank you so much! You’ve been such an encouragement the last week! Happy holidays

ZTValen

Date posted: 1y

@yessyess Anytime! I understand this theme is super stressful, it. Especially if you hit a point where you're panicking. I'm always open to chatting with others who are going through the themes I'm going through or have gone through!

Carlos A

Date posted: 1y

Before these two weeks how did you feel? Was there any trigger?

yessyess

Date posted: 1y

@Carlos A I would still experience this theme but was able to cope. I had it pretty bad a month and a half ago, but I shook it. But I had a dream related to this theme and it took me to one of the darkest places. It was and has been like experiencing OCD for the first time again. I started a low dosage of sertraline this week. It’s comforting knowing it has a name, that what we’re experiencing is OCD. But it’s living and experiencing with it. Sending you courage and strength this holiday season.

yessyess

Date posted: 1y

@yessyess I was in Mexico, surrounded by things that would trigger me now. There were so many cute guys, but my self esteem was low. I did get intrusive thoughts about this theme but was able to shake them off. I feel like this episode I’ve been experiencing has been an accumulation of graduating college and losing my identity as a student (took me 7 years to get my degree) and suddenly having too much time alone.

Carlos A

Date posted: 1y

@yessyess I have never taken medication, the symptoms drive me crazy lately, the worst thing is that now I am afraid of the possible opportunity to have intimacy with girls, this is due to a couple of previous sexual failures, before that I was not afraid, I was searching, timidly. because I have always been like that but it didn't petrify me, my friends invite me to look for girls on the weekends and it was something that I wanted before, to make friends to go have fun and look for girls, after this I avoid going out with them and I think that if If I had the opportunity with a girl and I failed, my beliefs would be reinforced and my friends would find out that I was failing, before I had no problems getting turned on with girls, it's a whole mental mess and it's automatic, at the same time I feel sad because I know that now I attract the attention of girls that I would love to approach, but my fear of what I expressed above makes me self-conscious about going after them, and that bothers and frustrates me.

Sb5

Date posted: 23w

Ocd relapse

Today is Easter and it was supposed to be low key for me and my family but my mom invited a family member that bothers my ocd alot and now they are on their way here and I'm freaking out I already had a panic attack (still having it) and my family is not helping either they keep making comments about how they just want one holiday with no problems and some other comments and it's like I'm sorry I'm not normal like my siblings I didn't ask to be like this now I'm just hurt, upset and I locked myself in my room for the rest of day. (And I was doing so good with erp and this is like making me have a ocd relapse)

Medicine2021_

Date posted: 19w

Suicidal OCD and harm OCD

I’ve recently been struggling a lot with OCD. I have had OCD for a long time I just didn’t realize it until more recently. About seven months ago I developed panic attacks one day randomly at work. I thought I was having a heart attack and went to the hospital where they told me it was just a panic attack and I assumed I would snap out and be better within a few days. However it didn’t. Here’s where it gets scary, I was staying at my then boyfriends house while dealing with blurry vision, anxiety attacks everyday, and more (unsure of what was going on). But at some point I saw my bfs (pew pew 🔫) on his table and it sent me into an anxiety attack after sudden thoughts that I was going to hurt myself with it. I begged him to put it away when I’m not looking so I didn’t know where he put it. He did. These thoughts lasted for about four days but began to go away. (I thought that was it and I would be back to normal). Unfortunately though I ended up moving back in with my family when we couldn’t get my panic attacks under control in time for me to get back to work and pay bills. However, coming home brought up a lot of trauma from when I was kid. My anxiety got worse but I didn’t have those thoughts again. About two and half months ago though, I got sick and went to the hospital where they gave me steroid pills and a steroid shot but sent me into some kind of psychiatric event. Ever since then though, I have been suffering from harm OCD, I have had moments of intense anger that I usually have to completely walk away and go on my own because of how intense they are, and it feels like it’s getting worse. Today I felt fine until about and hour and half ago where I started to dwell on the fact that my suicidal thought was influenced by my OCD and at the moment my OCD is at the worst it’s been. This caused me to get suddenly really depressed and I started crying thinking about how I can’t handle this. I then saw a post talking about how suicide rates are high for people with this form of OCD and it made me question if I am mentally strong enough to pull through this. I fear that at times I’m getting worse. I have good days but I have a lot of bad days. Unfortunately this sent me into such a bad panic attack I went over to my nanas crying about how I can’t deal with this. I took a 0.25 mg Xanax which helped calm down the panic attack portion of it but my brain is still uncomfortably active. I guess I just need hope. I’m so saddened by this. It’s like my life took a total 360 in 10 months and got even worse since the steroid shot. Idk what to do about it. I can’t stop the spiral. I talk to two different therapist weekly and start more next week, making it 5 times a week. I feel no improvements…

MichaelJH

Date posted: 16w

I’m just having a hard time

I don’t think much of this has to do with OCD and the subtypes that I struggle with: Harm OCD and religious OCD and Guilt OCD. Yesterday, I felt like a failure. I’ve been volunteering at my church to help families affected by some wild fires and I’ve been managing a lot of the logistics associated with it. I love this type of work and the people I work with. I consistently struggle with not giving my heart away so easily to the various interns or full time staff there. My affections were all over the place yesterday and thinking about how I looked or appeared toward one person in particular. I tried on four different occasions to remind myself and to refocus that she was an just like an older sister in my faith and to try and think of her as a literal sister as well, but it didn't really change how I was feeling. It was really cool at some points I felt very comfortable to talk briefly about my story. Told her about my wife and my son (we are currently separated and living in different states) and the battle I’ve had with OCD. Yet I could see that I was jealous for her attention. It was pretty much just us there yesterday. There was a guy named Jim and I felt like I was just irritated that he was there, because he was taking the attention from me. It wasn't all bad, we were able to help a lot of families, I made my son and awesome video, there were moments of relief when I recalled her as my sister and got to hear more about her testimony, in a way deeper conversations helped me see her more than just a crush or temptation. Idk. I've asked for forgiveness to the Lord and I know even though I feel guilty and upset at myself, that He is rooting me on. My wife and I have been going through an uncontested divorce, a lot of it has to do with OCD and this new diagnosis, but as you can see by what I’m struggling with there are other problems as well within me as I’m trying to be a faithful husband, a strong father, and a just good friend to the people in my life. For so long I went to relationships and the hope of one as a source of life, but when I got married I kept trying to find life in “what if I was with this person?” I’ve caused real hurt to my wife and struggling to stop the way I feel so easily when I’m around different people and love everyone how I am supposed to.

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond

Holidays and OCD

Related posts

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Be a part of the largest OCD Community