Books trigger me now

With erp I’ve been doing better these past few days, I used to love reading but I haven’t been able to with the fear of feeling like I’ll enjoy the man’s perspective of being with a woman, instead of the opposite. But I just started a new book and I’m being triggered so much :( it feels so hard to try to imagine from the woman’s perspective, I can’t even put a man’s face to the characters anymore. It’s like all of sudden I feel even more like I’ve been lying to myself about deep down not feeling like I’m gay. Fantasizing about either sex doesn’t work anymore, I feel like I enjoy the thoughts about the woman

Lizzie Scheav

Date posted: 1y

Hello, do you identify yourself as a straight woman? Because I'm a straight woman who loves books since my childhood. I love to read the male perspective, it's just our curiosity about the man's mind... Like to now how he feels about the girl... It's normal!!! I personally always seen memes about that, the girls just freaking out when the male part appears. About the fact you can't imagine the man's face... I can't imagine too. It's very hard lol

Anonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

@Lizzie Scheav I do identify as a straight women, that was before my hocd at least. And it’s relieving to know that you can’t either. It doesn’t help though for me because I was always into men, I grew relationships and connections and just knew I wanted to be with a man. But I couldn’t fantasize about my future husbands face like how some women can.

Lizzie Scheav

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous2120 Me neither. I can't imagine anyone's face. I've always liked men since forever. When I was a teenager I always heard that I could be a lesbian because I wasn't very vain and shy around boys. Then I had several intrusive thoughts and GR that I didn't even know about at the time. It comes and goes, but I never liked imagining myself with girls! Lately I've been having these thoughts that I'm a lesbian again... it's OCD...

Anonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

@Lizzie Scheav I’m having those thoughts too. I don’t like imagining it either but I doubt myself so much it feels like the more I try to imagine it, I’m slowly starting to like it. And it doesn’t help that I’m so numb and decensitized to men and my bf :( I feel almost nothing for men rn, can’t fantasize or anything..

Ditto

Date posted: 1y

@Lizzie Scheav I just want to say you seem so cool and smart. Thanks for sharing on this thread! 😊

Lizzie Scheav

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous2120 This sounds like anxiety. You are putting a lot of pressure on something that is common and nothing that you should take as your biggest challenge in this life! When I feel pressured about something, I can't do it. Everyone responds differently to anxiety, this could be your way of reacting

Lizzie Scheav

Date posted: 1y

@Ditto omg, thank you! I was unprepared for this compliment 🥰. You are a very kind person!

Ditto

Date posted: 1y

@Lizzie Scheav Of course! Good, wise support is so wonderful to come across especially with OCD. 😊 have a happy new year!!

Lizzie Scheav

Date posted: 1y

@Ditto Thank u. Happy new year 🎉

yessyess

Date posted: 1y

I’ve been avoiding everything and have slowly started watching tv five minutes a day. I’ve been watching nature documentaries and my world feels so small right now. You’re not alone! Proud of you for doing ERP! I know there will be a day where reading or listening or watching won’t be as triggering!

Anonymous

Date posted: 23w

What the HECK?

what the hell? this entire day ive been trying to do ERP right? allowing the thoughts feelings, sensations be there with very little reaction, saying"oh that's a thought", "that's a feeling" don't care" etc. But it seems to be making it 100x times worse. Like its impossible to just"ignore" it, it feels so freaking real as if this was the truth, the doubts are real, the false attraction feelings and lip sensations are REAL and genuine attraction, feels ego-synotic, its impossible just to ignore or move on from it because I think I'm so hyperfocused on it all so it last the whole day. IDK right now it feels and seems as if I lost? like its not a what if but it feels factual like"I'm naturally gay, I'm gay" and it feels like normal and become ok with that. But I don't want that I don't want to be gay.

Anonimus ME 🦋

Date posted: 19w

I can't do it anymore and I don't trust myself..😞

I can't anymore.. Erp is very traumatic for me. It's about a sexual topic, and I come out with those scenes in my head, as well as photos of that person where their face makes me think of sexual grimaces. Every time, but every time during practice, I get detailed scenes and groinal. To me it looks like real sexual excitement, and I don't know exactly how to be immune to something that is sex in itself! I don't believe it's part of ocd at all..because it won't come off me and I can't believe it's not me

💟

Date posted: 18w

therapy

it feels like therapy isn't working at all, like I've been super reluctant to participate or try and get better. I was doing really well at first but I've been in a slump with it lately, and the idea of doing exposures again makes me really scared. Like, I know if have to do them to get better but I'm so afraid that I'll pick something, watch it, and think the child character is attractive and start fantasizing about them. Like what if the only thing keeping me from doing that is because I've been avoiding them? Also is it normal for pocd to convince you that you prefer one gender more strongly than the other? Bc for some reason it feels more real with boys than it does girls (I'm mostly straight) and like.. idk I'm just not feeling good.

POCD

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Books trigger me now

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