I feel like I don’t know who I am anymore. Loss of attraction, constant running thoughts, groinal responses, intrusive thoughts, while trying to function like a normal person throughout all of it. I feel like I’m not a lesbian anymore :(
it’s just your ocd telling you that! it knows your fears, the things that make you uncomfortable, it tells you things that you know aren’t true (and makes you believe they are). but you aren’t your ocd, allow the feelings and thoughts to come and go without reacting negatively to them. if you act like you don’t care, it tricks your brain, and it won’t bother you about these things anymore. and when it does, it won’t affect you the same. it helps to say, “maybe i am, maybe im not, i don’t care either way” and it makes the bad intrusive thoughts not feel so bad and out of your control anymore
Dude I feel the exact same way :(( I love my identity as a lesbian and I’ve been out since eighth grade (in college now), but I keep getting a thoughts that I may be attracted to men. I’m constantly “checking” to see if I’m still attracted to women or if I’m attracted to men :((
@Josie Seger UR SO REAL
Hey, I'm sorry you're struggling. Try to keep in mind that OCD is all about uncertainty. The constant thoughts, groin responses, intrusive thoughts are all noisy OCD trying to get you to engage with the narrative. Try to allow all of that without engaging. I know that's easier said than done. Have you had any therapy? Therapy with NOCD was life changing for me. I learned the tools to help me not engage with these thoughts/feelings/urges. Know that you're not alone, and there are many of us out here, resisting these same types of things. Wishing you all the best.
does anyone else feel like they’ve completely lost themself and don’t know what they really feel like or who they are anymore. i have no idea what i should have as morals or if i even care about anything, i’m really stuck, i don’t even know my sexuality anymore, it’s really tough.
I feel like my sexual orientation has changed, it truly feels like I’ll never be straight again and I’m heartbroken. I go out in public and I check if I’m attracted to the pretty girls, I start to make new female friends and I worry I like them, I look at them in ways I never did before just to “make sure”. I worry that I’ll enjoy sex and feelings with girls more and that it’ll be greater than what I have with my partner. I worry that my struggle with intimacy with my boyfriend is because I don’t like men as opposed to my insecurities and inexperience and shyness. It feels like I can’t find appeal in men anymore and even though I find no appeal in women either, my mind tells me my lack of attraction means I Need to be attracted to women. I don’t want to. I’ve had two lesbian dreams this week and it felt like I wanted it. I try to imagine myself in same sex scenarios and I get confused , it feels like I want it when at the beginning of this it just didn’t click. It feels like all my close girl friends from my past are secret crushes. It feels like my attraction to men was never real. I’m so scared and so afraid and so lost, I feel like a prisoner. It feels like my sexuality has changed, I Must be attracted to women. Although I know I love my boyfriend deeply, I now worry a women will come and take his place. I hate this. It makes me feel like my bond with my boyfriend isn’t as special , when my bond with him is what I treasure most. Almost All the best days of my life were with him and now I feel like I’ll have to give it up to be with a woman. I feel like I’m living a lie, I feel like I’m going to have to come out and be with women, my grandma will treat me differently. It feels too real, way way too real.
Does anyone else get these feelings that they don’t even trust calling themselves their correct orientation anymore? Like I just feel like I’ve lost myself and deep down I’m not really a lesbian. Even though I was once so sure that I was :(
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