POCD

Ok, so I’m looking into past events…. So, I worked at a preschool and a little boy held onto my leg but I got a bad thought but still let my legs go apart to let him hug my leg. I feel awful cause I was thinking how his hands could’ve possibly hit my upper genital area…. I remember worrying about it back then and I’m still worrying about it to this day. Also, I remember thinking how this little girl may end up hitting my area if I don’t move. I didn’t move and felt awful cause I knew it would happen… it has bothered me ever since! I don’t know if that makes me an awful person. Was I taking away innocence of children by not moving?

Username: Berrymoe Berrymoe

Date posted: 50w ago

This does NOT make you an awful person, that is just the pocd trying to scare you. Those children were 100% unaffected by your thoughts, and any actions you think you may have done by not moving, no innocence lost. Take time to recognize that you existing, standing there, is not something sexual or harmful to children. None of the subtext to those situations was actually present other than in your mind due to pocd, those children are fine!

Username: Helpbrooke26 Helpbrooke26

Date posted: 50w ago

@Berrymoe Thank you. I guess cause I thought that then moved my legs to continue letting him hug me was what bothered me. I remember trying to just dismiss the thought… part me almost thinks I did ERP without realizing it.

Username: Berrymoe Berrymoe

Date posted: 50w ago

Yes! If you continue to put yourself through these safe situations that make you uncomfortable you can definitely overcome this through erp. You letting him hug you was a positive thing for him <3

Username: ktillettktillett

Date posted: 50w ago

i dealt with a similar experience at an old work place,a little girl that was often at the hotel i worked at would ask for a piggy back ride and it was easy and fun she got on my back i took her to the office all was good. then a week later or so i experienced what i believe to be pocd, i over analyzed that moment a million times in my head. The thoughts i had in my mind, were racing at this moment but when i gave her the piggy back ride nothing felt off not even my thoughts but due to me obsessing over it i kept convincing myself i was doing something wrong because of the intrusive thoughts i experienced after the fact. it’s not that i felt aroused it’s like a scary bad dream of thoughts but real life, i’m looking forward to talking to a professional and getting these kind of thoughts figured out but just know you are not alone and we ARE NOT our thoughts, and the difference between us and people who do bad things is that we are so afraid of implementing that pain on someone else it literally cripples us. so we really are so far away from being that kind of person. this reply was like a compulsion for me but it left me feeling a lot better i can breathe so i hope maybe it can help anyone else struggling too.

Username: Helpbrooke26 Helpbrooke26

Date posted: 50w ago

@ktillett Thank you for sharing. It is definitely crippling. I have the thoughts a lot of times during the moment which makes me feel so so bad. Sometimes I have the thoughts afterwards. I have NO attraction to kids, but I can’t help but feel like I’m an awful person. Every little thing I do feels as if I’m doing it with a bad motive cause my thoughts keep making me believe it. If I keep doing the action I feel even worse.

Username: ktillettktillett

Date posted: 50w ago

@Helpbrooke26 sending you all the love and strength, truly and i know it’s hard to tell yourself what we tell others struggling with pocd but it’s true! we are not those bad thoughts and the fact that we feel so deeply disturbed with these kind of thoughts validates that we are certainly not pedophiles. pedophiles find those kind of thoughts intriguing and arousing, and even if your pocd does include intrusive thoughts with arousal it doesn’t make you a pedophile. thoughts are just thoughts, they would typically just pass through someone’s mind like when ur driving within a high pedestrian area and the thought of running over someone passes through your mind you let it go, but when it’s something triggering and you’ve been through it such as CSA for instance it sticks in your mind a lot longer when faced with a intrusive thought (like when holding a child and then they shift their weight and you feel them move). my point being the reason we obsess and fear over these thoughts is because it’s quite literally the opposite of who we are and want to be.

Username: Helpbrooke26 Helpbrooke26

Date posted: 50w ago

@ktillett Exactly! Sending you love and support! I’m always here to talk. I definitely love having my therapist. She specializes in ocd and erp. She has helped me out and will continue to. Even though it’s quite uncomfortable.

Username: letsgo

Date posted: 5y ago

POCD TW: HELP Haven’t been on this app in a bit because I’ve been doing pretty well! But I had a pretty bad day. I work with children. And my ocd has been targeting one child mostly. (I hope it’s ocd) Today, while hanging out with her she was joking around with me and she was trying to steal a baseball bat out of my hand. She put it between her legs. I started to lose grip of it, so I switched my hand to get a better grip and I pulled it and took it from her, and it moved upward and she instantly said “ouch that hurt” and I think I accidentally hit her in an in appropriate area. I feel really bad. And I’m afraid that she’ll tell her parents I did it or something. My OCD is telling me I did it on purpose but I know I didn’t. Ugh. I was doing SO well before this. But it feels like I’ve moved 10 steps back.

POCD

Username: Anonymous

Date posted: 4y ago

WARNING: POCD I need to know your thoughts... I'm panicking and feeling horrible This is probably one of the first events that made me wonder if I was a "p". (I'm female, 20s) Two years ago, in the summer, I went to a friend's house and I met her younger sister (8, at the time). She was very sweet and adorable and I liked her so much! She showed me her toys and she was always around me... I feared I was feeling some sort of attraction to her... And now that I am recalling the event, I'm getting so afraid that this attraction was, in fact, real. I'm on the verge of tears right now ... Because it was so strong... Believe me, this felt like attraction. I'm thinking about her as I'm writing this and I'm remembering the warm feeling I experienced (like I was developing a crush) - I just want to cry because I don't want to be a "p". I spent the whole day in panic and wondering If I was "p" and if I was attracted to her. I tried to dismiss the thoughts and enjoy the day. I've always wanted a little sister and one day (at that time), I wanted to have a daughter someday. I've played with her and talked with her. Later that day, we went to the pool and I played with her again and even gave her piggyback rides (which now, I know it was a mistake - because I am getting flawed (false) memories that I touched her butt but I'm almost sure that I only touched her legs when giving the piggyback rides but I'm afraid that I touched her butt on purpose too to be deviant! I feel like I would be capable of doing such a awful thing). I remember enjoying her company and wanting to be more time with her... But now I'm so scared that I had bad intentions, because "p" people want to be around children. I feel like there was more than "having a child/sister for a day" because of my strong feelings for this girl. I regreted this whole dayAnd when I went back to her house, I avoided the child at all costs. What do I do?? I feel so hopeless... I am crying like crazy, not knowing what to do. I feel like a "p". I am so scared that I was attracted to her and now I have this new false memory that scares me... Please help me... I'm in despair..This particular story weights on me. I'm reviewing it over and over (taking the false memory off) and I don't think I did anything wrong BUT I cant help but to feel uncertain about it... Even if I didnt do anything wrong, I still feel bad for not avoiding it. I felt like a "p" the whole day... I had these intrusive thoughts the whole day... Yet, I wanted to be near the child and play with her?? I was trying to dismiss my thoughts - I tried to fight them! but I can't help to feel that what I did was predatory! Or wrong! I have been crying so much about this subject... I have high morals... And everytime an adult plays with a child is usually a "p" or a predator... I am so afraid that my "desire" to be with this child was an indicator that I'm a p or a bad person in general. Please... I want to know your opinions (I also have another question. I also felt "dirty" all day. Are all of these symptoms normal in ocd? Do people with ocd can like being with children? Are even these questions making sense?) I can't help to reinforce this! I felt terrible afterwards - I regret it so much... I felt dirty during that event, after that event and even today! This was my first time (or one of the first times) dealing with with pocd... I thought it was my brain trying to get me... So I tried to fight it! But... I feel like shit for not avoiding her... I'm so afraid I actually felt attraction for her because it was so strong the affection I experienced for her... I feel like a p... I'm so done...

Username: anotherocd123

Date posted: 1y ago

POCD

Yesterday I was helping a child change and I was touching their skin for some reason (helping them pull up their pants or something) and then I was like “wow their skin is so soft and then I had a bad thought and then backed away. I’m really scared I am I p*do pile and did I touch them inappropriately?? I don’t want that answer to be yes or else I’m gonna throw up. I feel like I should’ve backed away when I was touching their skin soft but it felt like I was in slow motion. I’m so scared.

POCD

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