Im sorry I need to rant, idk what to do :(

Not sure if I should be doing this cause at this point idk what’s real and what’s not. But I keep asking myself the same questions and imagining the same scenarios as a regular person who’s questioning their sexuality would, and it’s starting to feel like I really am lesbian :( I’ve asked myself “could I go my whole life without being w a woman (romantic or sexual)” or “if there were no men left and I was surrounded by women for the rest of my life would I be content” I either can’t confidently answer the question or it feels like I’m just leaning towards women :( the scenarios I play in my head now feel like I want them. not sure if it’s just because I’ve been thinking about it sooo much that my mind is everywhere, but I feel nothing for men anymore .. I don’t know who I am anymore. Before the ocd I was perfectly happy with my bf. Sexual and everything, everything was great. I hadn’t even thought of being with a woman :( I don’t understand and the thought of leaving my bf makes me want to cry. But now it feels like I’m going ti be forced to be with a girl, or if I stay with my bf and recover then I’ll actually realize I am lesbian.

Date posted: 1y

This is exactly the same as me. Like same thoughts and feelings

Anonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

@gp I hope we bother recover soon /:

Ltrecovery

Date posted: 1y

i’m going to give my thoughts as someone who is a lesbian. while i don’t feel attraction to men, if one day i were attracted to a man, then so be it. i think it’s okay to go on a case to case basis of “am i attracted to this person” rather than an entire gender. people can also go through phases of leaning more towards women or men one day to the next and it can ebb and flow throughout time. it can be scary not having a solid answer, though allowing your feelings to flow day to day may allow for the rigidity of labels to alleviate

Anonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

@Ltrecovery Thank you I appreciate you response <3 it’s been really hard on me because I honestly don’t relate to a majority of the “signs you might be lesbian” but the couple that I do come across every once in a while cause so much anxiety and fear knowing that I loved my bf without a doubt before all this started. But you’re right, thank you so much

Date posted: 1y

@Ltrecovery You are very right. It’s just so troubling to have these thoughts and ideas, and most of the time, I have no idea why they trouble me so much. I’m not homophobic or anything like that. I couldn’t care less who people want to have consensual relationships with. But for some reason, the idea that I am somehow gay without ever having known or noticed right up until I was 26…and then since then, not seemingly having any positive/natural want for it. For some reason, it absolutely smashes me. It’s like I can’t not be anxious or panicked about that idea? It’s so so difficult to explain in words.

Date posted: 1y

@gp It’s almost as if my brain decided one random day that it wanted to check my sexuality. Since then, it’s been convincing me over and over again that I am gay. But it’s something I seemingly just don’t want? I want myself back.

vaiiolyn

Date posted: 19w

Lesbian with Sexual Orientation OCD

I need too know that I'm not insane, really. I am 16 and for the past two weeks, this has been completely ruining my health and happiness. I only recently came out as a lesbian like 3 months ago after a lot of confusion about my attraction since I used to think I liked men. At first, I felt so sure that I liked women, but lately, I've been having these unwanted thoughts about the possibility of liking men. I never used to feel this way, but now, every time I look at a man, my brain obsessively fixates on it. It forces me to imagine kissing him, loving him, things I don’t want, and then tries to convince me that I do. It’s painful. The thought of this fills me with fear and anxiety, leading to panic attacks and breakdowns. I don’t want these thoughts. I hate them with every fiber of my being, but I’m terrified that one day I’ll act on them and somehow like it. I used to think I liked men, but back then, I was in a very unhealthy space in a time of escapism and something deeply parasocial. I’ve only ever liked the attention and validation a man could give me, but these experiences are somehow treated as further proof that I’m "bisexual." I’ve never been in a real relationship with anyone, which makes my brain constantly challenge me—telling me, “You don’t even know what love feels like.” It won’t shut up. It keeps obsessively trying to make me prove that I’m a lesbian, testing my reactions and questioning my certainty. Is this normal?

vaiiolyn

Date posted: 19w

feeling helpless

As a lesbian with SO-OCD, I feel so helpless. It's truly exhausting because no one I know understands what I'm going through. The first response is always, "You're just confused" or "You don't have to know yet." But that's not the issue, I do know. I just never see any lesbians with SO-OCD so I feel so invalidated. These thoughts flood my brain constantly, forcing me to analyze my reactions to every man I see. I feel trapped in an endless cycle of "testing" myself, trying to prove that I don't like them. But my brain fights back, telling me I do want to love a man, making it feel real even though don't want it. It's terrifying. At this point, it's hard to even hold onto my identity as a lesbian because I'm so overwhelmed. I don't know if this is what real attraction is supposed to feel like, and that fear eats away at me. The truth is, when I think about being with a man, all I feel is disgust and fear-but my brain twists that into doubt. I hate it. I'm at the point where I'm scared I'm going to have to accept something I don't want because I don't know if this will ever go away. I miss who I was before all this.

Mags2002

Date posted: 16w

Soocd: need some response , is this even ocd?

I really dont know if it is ocd anymore I dont want certain sexual things with my bf anymore that i used to like When i envision it with a girl it is so easy to envision and it feels like i want that , that will give me the satisfaction This feeling is making me really question if i am still into men , desire men sexually Is this still ocd , i really dont know anymore , as it is a feeling it is too real

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Im sorry I need to rant, idk what to do :(

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