i could use some support right now. I had a harm thought and then another one like “i think im gonna do it” and it didn’t cause me anxiety and i don’t understand why. and it felt really real and now i just feel scared and confused i keep telling myself i dont want to hurt anyone and then im like what if im just saying that
You know your heart. It's literally the OCD. The OCD will tell you that you don't care. But if you didn't, you wouldn't be making this post. I'm not giving you reassurance because that's what fuels OCD. Just know that OCD plays so many tricks on us. It has told me I don't love my child so many times when I know I do. Or that I'll hurt her. It's evil.
@shouseholder@hotmail.com i just feel like i can’t even trust myself when i say i don’t want to hurt anyone. i don’t get it.
@shouseholder@hotmail.com and like it feels like i try to make the thoughts happen idk
@kodyisland I deal with these same exact thoughts. My ocd always tells me it's not ocd. I even have urges that send me into a panic attack.
@shouseholder@hotmail.com how do you handle it
Hey Kody! So when you keep telling yourself you’re not going to harm anyone that is a compulsion. If you could just sit with the thought. And tell yourself “I’m having the thought I think I’m going to harm someone, this is My OCD and is not a problem to solve.” Then move on with your day. Also! I’ve heard a lot about back door spikes-An OCD backdoor spike is when a person with OCD starts to feel better with less stress and anxiety and fewer intrusive thoughts and doubts, and then begins to “obsess” that they are not worried about thoughts in their head and almost fears starting to feel better. As OCDLA notes, they worry they are not anxious enough!
@JessieB i feel like even that compulsive saying is giving me anxiety ?
@kodyisland Sounds about right. That’s how OCD works. It’s a leech! Leeches on to anything and EVERYTHING.
@JessieB i guess i’m just like how do i know this is ocd so the thoughts are ego dystonic and not something else yk
@kodyisland Totally get it. I have the same thoughts wondering. But the fact you’re reaching for an answer or a coping mechanism tells you it’s ego dystonic. Here I am telling you this when I need to be telling myself the same thing 😂. But even when I do I’m like you, my brains like well what if it isn’t? <———thats ole Brenda(OCD). Give your OCD a funny name!
@JessieB lol it sucks. it tries so hard to convince you it’s real
@JessieB i think one thing i worry about is like by thinking about it so much that ill manifest it into something else kinda you know what i mean
@kodyisland I’m trying to learn how to not ruminate on it all day. I ruminate from the time I wake til the time I go to bed. Mostly about the OCD itself. And in my mind I realize how stupid and irrational it is. I find myself trying to distract ALOT. And I’ve got to stop and just sit with it. Easier said than done right lol. If you can check out this book I think It could help you out - OCD, Anxiety, panic attacks, and related depression The definite survival and recovery approach by Adam Shaw & Lauren Callaghan. I’m currently reading this one via audible.
@JessieB oh cool thanks. and yeah i ruminate p much all day too
@kodyisland If you find any tricks let me know! I wanna get this shit outta my head! I always say you’re only thinking about it bc you’re thinking about it! Grrrrrrrrr
@JessieB could i ask you a question
@kodyisland Sure!
@JessieB idk if you have harm thoughts but have you ever had one that like sounds like it’s reasoning with you like “do this because ___”
@kodyisland I haven’t had that. But I’m sure someone somewhere has. Ole OcD throwing curve balls! ;-)
@JessieB or like feeling like you made the thought happen?
@kodyisland Now this YES. Sometimes I just look at something (anything really) and I’m like oh ok I made that thought. But that’s all they are. Just thoughts.
@JessieB but like with intrusive thoughts tho. it’s weird cause i feel like i made the thought happen or like thought it on purpose ? but it also gives me anxiety so i feel confused idk
@kodyisland I’m trying to figure out what my triggers are? Like I have no idea. They just come outta no where. I’m 38 and I’ve only had a slew of these spikes in my life. This most recent spike is when I realized it was OCD. So I’m still trying to figure out everything. Mine is mostly centered around Suicidal OCD. But I have had the harm thoughts before too. And Health OCD. Which I find so odd that they coexist.
@kodyisland Yep! I’ve had the same. With anxiety. I believe it’s all OCD. Have you been diagnosed with OCD yet?
@JessieB yeah mine flips around when i don’t respond the way it wants me to
@JessieB kind of? when i first started seeing someone they diagnosed me with GAD and depression with suicidal ideation. then it kinda started being around health and my therapist was like maybe it’s ocd. and now doing NOCD they did assessments and were like it definitely sounds like ocd
@kodyisland I have GAD and panic disorder as well. It’s just lovely lol.
@JessieB the biggest part of my struggle is the reassurance seeking
@kodyisland I understand. I do it too with Google and this app. It’s hard. But we can do it! I haven’t started ERP yet. Hoping to with the next session. I’m so impatient.
@JessieB lol same! it’s been 3 sessions and we haven’t done my hierarchy yet. i was really hoping to have started before i start school back up but luckily it seems like im having a backdoor spike kind of thing so apparently thats a good sign
@kodyisland Just started my hierarchy on 3rd session.
@JessieB awesome! how’d it go?
@kodyisland Still not finished. I’m supposed to work on it for homework but the triggers have me stumped lol
@JessieB ah. i worked on my list a little. triggers could be anything: even the thought itself or like the thought of the thought, seeing dangerous things, videos, talking about suicide, etc.
@kodyisland Oh well ✔️✔️✔️✔️✔️😂
@kodyisland I think I was thinking like what started the thoughts.
@JessieB i feel like it could be either. but i was thinking more like what’s the obsession: “im gonna hurt myself”, what triggers that fear: “thoughts/images/urges to hurt myself” and what not
@kodyisland Makes sense
@JessieB oh you know what else is so weird that i’ve noticed? when i feel happy like normal happy i feel like i shouldn’t be and then like make myself anxious again. it’s strange
@kodyisland Yep! My OCD catches that too. Like why are you happy, you’re suicidal. Imma start telling it to F off and laugh in its face! Like a savage! 😂
My therapist has taught me a technique that helps so much. Like when I have an image or command pop up about my daughter I say "maybe I will, maybe I won't. This causes us to trick our brains into thinking that thought isn't a threat. It was hard at first but it's helping so much.
@shouseholder@hotmail.com i’ve tried the maybe maybe not but i get nervous because then it feels like admitting i could even do something like that
@kodyisland Try laughing with it. And fully trust it will work. It sounds like you still have doubts. Remember ocd feeds off any doubt.
@shouseholder@hotmail.com wdym
@shouseholder@hotmail.com i just don’t want to even like put the possibility into the universe yk
@kodyisland Yes, that's why it took a while for me to even be able to start saying that.
@shouseholder@hotmail.com any easier tips lol?
For the urges I breathe through them and I've learned to sit with the anxiety and feel it instead of trying to run from it.
@shouseholder@hotmail.com i think my issue rn is that i’m not getting significant anxiety with the thought like i usually do
@kodyisland Yes I have that issue as well. It's bc ocd is telling you, you are starting not to care. That's a lie..
Meaning, like harm OCD for example. You don't want to stab someone but you keep getting images and thoughts like you want to, even though it's totally against who you are and not something you would do. It then turns into a fear that the feelings and thoughts will be so strong that you'll actually do the thing that you're afraid of. I could really use some recommendations, and support. Don't reassure please, just provide your support and your thoughts on what could work to help this. Thank you in advance as I'm really really scared right now. Also, welcome to anyone who wants to share their own situation if you need support. Please feel free to comment here and let's support each other Thank you so much in advance.
i had a harm thought at like 10 pm that was like “i have to…” and it really freaked me out and now i can’t stop thinking about it and i cant sleep idk what to do now my brain just keeps repeating it and it’s really scaring me what do i do
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond
