- Date posted
- 1y
Self esteem
I'm struggling with myself esteem right now. I'm wondering how I can raise my self esteem without giving into compulsions and ruminating on obsessions. I know that if one has OCD they should not seek reassurance. I could be wrong with this definition or perspective on what self esteem is, but isn't a big part of self esteem based on having reassurances or having schemas about one's self that they are a good person, deserve love, and have good things happen to them? Deserve may be loaded word but for simplicity I'm using it in this context to describe feeling that I or one should feel good about themselves and have good things happen to them. What I mean to say is doesn't self esteem take into account evidence of whether one is a good person, that one holds values that make them virtuous, or one has qualities that make them a lovable person, and one uses such perceptions of one's self to re themselves that to maintain or raise their self esteem a form of reassurance? I may be wrong but reassurance with people who do not have OCD may be a few quick mental reviews of what happened in the past or whats happening in the present to asses themselves, however the people without OCD only need a reassurance or two to accept their persecutive on themselves based on the events that have happened or are happening; and such reassurances in people who do not have OCD do not become obsessions of needing to know for certain that how one assessed themselves is correct. I know someone with OCD needs to sit with the discomfort of doubt and uncertainty that obsessions remind one of, then refrain doing compulsions to make one's self feel less anxiety along with being ok with the idea that one's obsessions may or may not be true or can become true if one doesn't do their compulsions. This makes erp tough but so important and necessary. So then how can I, a person with OCD, have good schemas or conceptions about myself, that I may look to for evidence that I use to reassure myself enough to accept them as a fact, and that which would help me then have better self esteem without giving into my compulsions of reassurance to alleviate the stress I feel from the doubt I have of from my obsessions of whether I'm a good person that should be loved and respected? In other words, how can I do ERP and become comfortable with being uncomfortable with the uncertainty that arises from preventing myself from doing compulsions, while also reminding and/or reassuring myself that I'm a good person enough to feel and think of myself as a good person? I think that my low self esteem comes from partly that I'm always obsessing over whether I'm a good person or not. If the feeling and/or obsession of being a bad person spikes, then I feel I deserve to have bad things happen to me at worse, have good things not happen at best, feel undeserving of love, feel I'm a failure of a man, and etc.. I think another major of component is I was bullied a lot in middle school and high school and I use to be very sensitive and cry. Then I went to college, and when someone would bully me or do something to me that was akin to bullying, I would get angry instead of crying partly to feel more masculine and partly because I had had enough of people treating me like that. If my rambling and run on sentences are hard to follow, I can try to explain further if you ask me to explain what I'm asking. tldr: I think someone, whether they have OCD or not, needs to reassure themselves of certain perceptions they have of their qualities that will raise their self esteem. My question is when does that become the compulsion of reassurance or seeking certainty about making sure they don't have qualities that they feel may be indicative of them being a bad person or reminding themselves they have good qualities that would lead to a improved self esteem, and when is just one stating their perception of themselves to themselves to have evidence that would raise their self esteem?