Seeking for support and hope. Has anyone experienced something like this?

Hi everyone, this is my first post here. I have OCD for as long as I can remember. But the last year it has become unbearable... I don't know how to move on... My brain began to generate terrible, and scary thoughts about the people who are the most important and dearest to me. It's tough even to write about this... My fear is based on "magical thinking" and the belief that if I think something bad about someone I love, bad things will happen. And the more I worry about it, the more terrifying scripts my brain creates. Here is my OCD story in a brief summary. I started to have intrusive thoughts as a kid. Even in my childhood, my rituals were mostly mental. During my college years the obsessions almost disappeared. Then a few years later they came back (probably because of stress at my work), but I still could live with intrusive thoughts because they didn't take up most of my time. Everything has changed recently, after a chain of traumatic stressful events occurred in my life in a very short period of time. My anxiety has increased significantly, OCD has gotten worse. When I was looking for some useful information about struggling with intrusive thoughts, I read a post by a woman in which she wrote that she was afraid of accidentally cursing her child. I understand that it sounds crazy and there's no logic at all, but after a while I realised that this thought popped into my head and I can't get rid of it. This really scared me. I know that OCD quite often attacks the things we love and care about. For me, it's my family. I'm afraid that I'll wish my loved ones something bad and it will hurt them... These thoughts come up against my will. I realize that this is illogical, and probably the only person I can harm with my thoughts is myself. But the "what if..." thought destroys me. Unfortunately, I can't afford the ERP therapy because I live in Eastern Europe. At this moment, I'm researching sources and specialized literature on my own. As I understand one of the main factors in the success of therapy, and one of the first steps is the acceptance of the thoughts. But in my case, the problem is that there remain a couple thoughts that are still in my mind unacceptable (like wishing bad things on my family). I don't know what to do about it... I'm so desperate... Maybe someone has experienced something similar? I really want to believe that there is a way out of this trap because OCD is taking everything I care about... I'm really scared, and it's occupying all my mind.

Username: Nick11Nick11

Date posted: 50w ago

Hello Tatsiana, Thanks for sharing what struggles you have with OCD. It takes a lot of strength to publicly expose your ailments, especially when your mind is running rampant with obsessions and worries. I would say you are not alone. I struggle with worrying about health for years but after going to the emergency room enough times, I learned the problems were in my head. So I graduated from worrying about help to worrying about being in control of my mind I have intrusive thoughts just like you. They are scary and your mind and really exaggerate everything. I’ve learned they are just thoughts. They can’t hurt you. You don’t want to hurt anyone or be the result of some ill fate or anything like that. That shows you care about your family, and that your thoughts conflict with your values. You perceive yourself as a good person and these obsessions makes it feel the opposite. I struggle with intrusive thoughts, my fear is that I’ll lost control and just something bad will happen even though I would never do such a thing or wish such a thing. It’s a scary feeling. I’m still working through it but I will say one thing that helps is reaching and talking to someone. Decluttering and getting the thoughts out helps you gain control. He least it does for me I hope you found this helpful Best of luck on your journey. Nick

Username: JoyasJoyas

Date posted: 50w ago

Thanks for sharing your story with us ☺️ i also have the same thoughts, i am learning how to focus , they are just thoughts💭 nothing else, they don’t have any relation with reality, i mean they will not happen, the fact that you think bad thoughts on your family means nothing ! It’s just in your head, in reality they are living normally and in case someone of your family have something bad, it doesn’t mean it’s because of you, personally im learning now how to separate my self from the Ocd thoughts and to know which thoughts are mine and which ones are not, all is behind the FEAR unfortunately, the fear of losing someone in our family we love, i think that the best thing is just to let it go and to let everything on God, accept your fear and accept that bad things could happen in life and that nothing last forever, accept that your thoughts are Ocd they are not you, and be grateful of everything you have, All the best for you 🤍

Username: nka

Date posted: 3y ago

so i need to vent here because i'm sick to the point of wanting to throw up. ill be talking about how my ocd started. I think my ocd is a little different as I've never seen anyone with that kind of intrusive thinking, so my ocd makes me think it's real. my intrusive thoughts are like "I wish something bad could happen to this person" and it's something really, really bad that I abhor. I just don't want it to happen to the person, it's totally automatic and makes me want to cry all the time. and it all started with a book I was reading and I didn't know it had things like pedophilia and rape. and as I'm underage these things can easily get stuck in my head, there was an explicit scene and it felt like my body was reacting to it, even I DON'T WANT TO and that made me feel really bad. I never had thoughts like that before reading that fucking book I regret so much. and then for me it's very hard to recover, because my ocd says something like i want it to happen, but definitely not. I can't access the erp because I'm not fluent in english and much less have money already converted to real is absurd. I'm afraid to go to therapy because there aren't many therapists who specialize in ocd here and I'm afraid it could get worse. I already talked about ocd with my mother but she didn't understand much, in fact I was fine and she said something that made my situation worse. so that's it, sorry for the big text, but I needed it.

Username: Bicebolje

Date posted: 2y ago

OCD or real desire?

Hi, I have been struggling with OCD for 7 months now. First there were incestuous thoughts related to the mother. I was very bad for two months, I couldn't sleep and I had severe depression. I went to a psychiatrist and started therapy. After two weeks it was as if I woke up from a nightmare. All the obsessive thoughts stopped, the anxiety stopped and I was back to my new life again. I found a girlfriend and it was great. After about 3 months, the thoughts came back again, this time about my girlfriend. I started to wonder if I loved her, if I would be better off with someone else. And that stopped over time. A few days ago I went to the kitchen and saw a knife. I suddenly got scared and thought what if I hurt my girlfriend. I constantly analyzed that thought and asked myself if I could do it, if I wanted to. And it got to the point that I convinced myself that I wanted to hurt her and that I was just lying that I didn't want to. I became very anxious and scared again. My girlfriend has known about my problem from the beginning and is a great support. She even gave me a knife and told me to sit next to her. Of course I didn't do anything, I just threw the knife away and started crying and hugging her. But in my mind I still want to do something bad. Can OCD convince you that you want something, even though deep down I don't want to hurt anyone. I just want everything to be like before and to have a normal life without obsessive thoughts. I really love my girlfriend and I want to have a family with her. Can OCD cause false desire and will it ever stop. I heard that ERP is the best way to fight OCD. How can I do ERP alone without a therapist. I am really afraid that I will hurt someone and become a murderer. Thank you for reading this and I send many greetings and I hope you are well.

Username: Try2023

Date posted: 1y ago

OCD Fighting Back - Harm OCD

I am fairly new to the site, but have already been able to connect with a few of y'all that are struggling with some of the same things as I am. I have had OCD for years, but I never attributed my struggles to OCD, until I started down the path of harm OCD and the intrusive thoughts. Back in the beginning of December, I had a couple of intrusive thoughts come in about "what if" I harmed my husband and then one towards my youngest daughter. I let it get me so overwhelmed that I ended up in urgent care after passing out at my in-laws due to dehydration and lack of sleep. I finally found a therapist who informed me that I had OCD and that I hadn't just suddenly become a psychopath. But, even knowing that it is OCD, there has always been that doubt, as I am sure all of you have experience with. I am working on accepting the thoughts as just thoughts and moving on with my day. I have been working on not ruminating and just telling the thoughts, "maybe, maybe not." The problem is, every day, it is like the OCD is trying to convince me why I might harm my family. Every little thing that irritates me, my brain says, "See..you're getting frustrated with your kids. It makes sense that you would hurt them." On and on it goes and then I get the thought, maybe this is what I want. Maybe I am just an angry person. Maybe I have just finally had enough. I hate the "I" statements because I have never wanted to harm anyone, let alone my babies or my hubby. But, OCD tells me that I do. Has anyone else struggled with this? I have never wanted to harm anyone. I have always tried to protect my babies and do everything I can to protect my marriage as well. I just hate that OCD seems to be trying to convince me that it's not just thoughts, but that I actually want these things.

Harm OCD

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond

Seeking for support and hope. Has anyone experienced something like this?

Related posts

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Be a part of the largest OCD Community