First time sharing my ROCD

I’ve been with my boyfriend for three years. This past year we were at the best place we have ever been which honestly isn’t saying too because we’ve always had a pretty healthy relationship but last year we took a lot of big steps together. Moving in together, spending more time with each other’s family, sharing milestones like graduation with each other and our families. At some point I started getting real nit picky. Analyzing everything that he did. Constantly checking if I found him attractive. Comparing him and our relationship to what people around us looked like. It started to feel like everything he did I found a flaw in and it made me feel horrible. I’m with the best guy ever and he is so dedicated and loving. I would push these thoughts away, try and pray them away and that would work for a while. Eventually it felt like I was going insane. Things that I never( in all my years of dating) cared about now seemed to be all that I could focus on. I started measuring my attraction to everyone ( people who before this I never even gave a second thought to). I just wish I knew why it’s like this now or what triggered the intrusive thoughts. It makes me wonder if I’m settling but then I don’t feel like anything about him could ever be considered settling. I’m constantly praying for a sign or divine intervention. It wasn’t until I stumbled across a TikTok post that described Relationship Anxiety that I finally felt seen, like to a T every detail described what I’ve been feeling and doing. I’m not sure how ROCD differers from Relationship Anxiety but I’m hoping that by finally sharing and not holding this all in I can start to face and conquer this.

Username: Dalia H.Dalia H.

Date posted: 45w ago

It’s definitely ROCD. I’ve been there. I am in the healthiest happiest relationship I could ever ask for, with the most amazing guy, but I have had ROCD “episodes” (that can last for weeks or months), during which I am just comparing attraction constantly. Since you’re new to the idea of having OCD, I just wanted to give you a small reminder/warning that OCD can and will make you feel things that are SO realistic that you will have trouble believing it’s just OCD. When I was in the midst of a particularly bad episode last year, I was “testing” my attraction to my partner literally 24/7. It got so severe that I felt like I had entirely lost all attraction to him. It got so severe that I had this weird feeling of not even being able to think of him if that makes sense. Like I couldn’t picture him, it was like he never existed and like I had lost all connection to him, like our memories meant nothing. That was particularly freaky. For months it was like my attraction was just entirely gone (which is very unusual for me). I was convinced it was over and I’d lost feelings. I’m saying this not to scare you, but I think it is important to know that you may start feeling things that feel extremely realistic (even repulsion), and you might have trouble believing it’s just OCD. And I wanted to offer some peace of mind and remind you that yes, it can be OCD, even if it’s THAT realistic, even if it feels so real. And remember that it WILL stop eventually. It may come back, it might always keep coming back every now and then, but it can and will stop eventually when it desensitizes you enough. And you will be able to feel “normal” in your relationship again, trust me. I didn’t think it was possible for me given how seriously I felt like my feelings had changed. But it’s now been a year and we are doing better than ever and I love him like I did before the OCD bit

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 45w ago

@Dalia H. I’m grateful for your response. I’ve had some moments that I was almost convinced that leaving and exploring options would be best but then I remember that during a four month break up period( unrelated to my ROCD) I did date a little and found that/ what I have with my boyfriend if rare. ROCD sometimes makes me question what I already know. It’s made me loose some confidence in myself and trusting myself.

Username: Dalia H.Dalia H.

Date posted: 45w ago

@Anonymous Breakup urges are extremely common with ROCD. Sometimes people get so overwhelmed with their anxiety that they start to feel like leaving would be the best solution. ROCD is a monster like that. It’s always important to remember not to make any big decisions during an episode. When OCD is acting up, you are not thinking “clearly” and you may have urges or thoughts that are NOT representative of what you really feel. It’s always best to wait for the peak of the anxiety to pass before making any big decisions. OCD will always make you question what you know, that’s why it used to be called “the doubting disease.” It’s awful like that, but moments of clarity WILL come eventually

Username: LittlemisshissLittlemisshiss

Date posted: 45w ago

@Anonymous Yes! We also had a four month break, earlier this year, and I couldn’t agree more. That last sentence is like your taking the words from my mouth 😵‍💫

Username: LittlemisshissLittlemisshiss

Date posted: 45w ago

I recently learned about ROCD for the first time and had that same ah-ha moment. Where it felt I was being described to a T and that was such a relief. I’d say your trigger for these thoughts is probably the fact that you are so strong right now, that you did experience all of these new life events together, that inevitably makes any couple stronger. From personal experience this is what triggers me bc it’s almost like, you’re doing so great that you start to think big picture. Am I content with being with this person forever?! Am I actually attracted to him? Am I settling? I get it, I face these too. Feels like a form of self sabotage when things are great, focus on something that normally you couldn’t care less about just to make an excuse to question the relationship. Then we feel guilty and rinse and repeat. In the end I find comfort in asking myself would I really be happier if we broke up. Really playing that through in my head, every-time I quickly come to the conclusion that would definitely not make me happy. It’s totally normal for us to question our relationship when it takes that turn to a more serious long term commitment. I’ve been with my boyfriend 4 years and as we are coming up on another big life change my ROCD has taken over and this is how I have actually learned I have it. It’s scary to question the person you love in your head so much.

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 45w ago

@Littlemisshiss Every time I think about us breaking up because of this it doesn’t even make sense to me. I’m grateful that I can finally share this with someone. I did therapy before and it kind of felt brushed off as normal relationship doubt or even ungratefulness( which was definitely how I felt). Having a name for it has helped me feel like with proper treatment it can be tacked. From my understanding of ROCD even if we were to break up and I end up in another healthy relationship if left unchecked it could resurface. I also don’t want this to linger so long that these feeling and emotions are all I remember from this stage in my relationship. I find myself taking mental notes of all the good times just so when I get to the other side I can say “see, there was still some good there”.

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 45w ago

Then after discovering Relationship Anxiety I felt peace for while but then the thoughts of the thoughts would bother me. Like what?!

Username: foreverhatin...

Date posted: 5y ago

Hey guys, I’m new here but I’m already loving this supportive app. I have been with my boyfriend who is so sweet and amazing for 4 years now, but about 3 months in I started feeling like I was settling or that something was not right because I did not have the same sparks that I did with previous not so great boyfriends. I would talk with him about my thoughts and feelings and he would talk me down and say spot on things that addressed what I was thinking/feeling without even knowing he was doing so, and things would go back to normal for a while. Every few months I would freak out due to an “inner feeling” and feel disabled in my body and thoughts- heavy anxiety, depression, comparison, nit-picking, constantly googling relationship articles, talking to friends and so on. Every article, friend, and even my therapist at the time would say “maybe he’s just not the one for you and your body is letting you know, or maybe you’re looking for permission to break up with him.” So then I would become obsessive over that thought. Finally, a few months ago I came across the term “ROCD” and it pin pointed all of my thoughts and actions that I’ve been struggling with for 4 years. I didn’t believe it at first, thinking that the ROCD is a new thing for me, but after thinking on past events in my life I figured out that I’ve had always had different forms of OCD, and I actually have experienced ROCD before too. Anyway, all of that to say, today I am experiencing the thoughts again. “Is he attractive enough, or am I attracted to him?” “What if there is someone who could better suit me?” “Could I live with him forever (he’s so great)?” “Sometimes great people in a great relationship just aren’t meant to be. Is that my relationship?” “Am I really in love with him?” Etc... Two weeks ago I literally skipped all of my classes one day because I was googling articles. I’m ashamed of it. Am I alone in this or can someone else relate? Sorry for the super long post! Just wanted to give some background info! Thanks in advance for any help!!!

Relationship OCD

Username: Sapphic Soph

Date posted: 4y ago

This is so long ah I’m so sorry. I’m really just trying to get all my thoughts out/ see if anyone feels similarly/ and what they’ve found helps. I’ve never been diagnosed with OCD, but I’ve looked into it a lot and feel that I might have ROCD. (I was once diagnosed with anxiety, but didn’t keep up with therapy because my parents weren’t keen on it.) Now I really want to invest in it to get a formal diagnoses/help, and I’m going to start looking into that. I’m scared that this isn’t ROCD, and I’m truly just in the wrong relationship, or not actually in love with my partner. But then sometimes I’m certain it is? We’ve been together for a year and a couple of months, and it has been wonderful. She makes me feel so loved and so understood. She is my best friend. But this summer when we were on break from school I started getting major doubts once I’d found out about ROCD and some of my thoughts lined up with it’s description. I’d already started to have doubts before the summer. She is the first person I‘ve slept with, and it took a while for me to have an orgasm, and that made me freak out and start to question my attraction towards her/our compatibility. Every time we’d have sex I’d worry over this. (Though I also think it has to do with me not knowing what I wanted/what I liked in bed) Our sex life got better but I still had obsessive thoughts. I have them daily - “what if I don’t love her” or “what if this isn’t the right relationship” or “should I be dating someone else” When I’m with her I’m constantly checking. If we kiss, I’ll analyze how it feels (or how it doesn’t) and the same thing goes for when she compliments me or says she loves me. I’ll say I love her but something in my brain will say “but do you really?” Honestly, I’ve gotten to the point where when I think of her or am with her it makes me so anxious. I literally feel it in my stomach and chest. It’s so hard to deal with. I can’t make it stop. I think part of it is that I’m anxious that I’ll feel anxious/start to have obsessive thoughts, so I get anxious? I just want to be able to think of her and be around her and not feel so scared and anxious and always checking. I feel like my anxiety isn’t letting me truly experience my relationship.

Relationship OCD

Username: Anonymous

Date posted: 1y ago

Rocd

I’ve been in my relationship for almost 9 years and I’ve been married to him for one year. I love him so much, he is such a great man so patient and caring and kind. And I’m very lucky to have him honestly I feel like it’s really hard for people to find someone they love so much they are willing to do anything for that person even though they may get on your nerves sometimes. But unfortunately I’ve been experiencing rocd I’ve been doubting how I really feel about him, if I actually love him, if I love him “enough” rather I want to be with him, I’ve been questioning what if I end up liking someone else? What if I do like someone else? What if he isn’t enough? What if that’s why I’m feeling the way I’m feeling? Feeling guilty at the same time because I feel like he deserves the world, and I feel like I’m letting him down (although he has been super supportive) I feel like I’m not giving him what he deserves. And it’s been an ongoing anxious feeling like a ball of fear in my stomach crying asking god why, having panic attacks and constantly fearing the worst possible outcome. All I want is to be able to be happy again and sit with him and live our lives happily and forget that this ever happened but it feels impossible. It’s like I know I love him and that I want to be with him but I can’t get these thoughts to go away. And the thought of “you’ve been with him for so long if it was actually ocd this would’ve happened awhile ago” keep getting to me or feeling like what if it’s not ocd? What if this is actually how I feel and if it is then how can I move forward with him? I don’t like talking about how I feel much besides to him and my closest friends, and it’s really hard for me to fully open up but I want to be able to share how I’ve been feeling so that maybe someone on here can feel not so alone. Everything I look up for rocd it happens a lot earlier within the relationship and everyone has their version of it. And it’s hard to find people that just start experiencing it way later in their relationship so I really do hope that someone that is going through the same thing sees this and just knows their not alone and I really hope I don’t trigger anyone else. This is something that is awful dealing with it’s like living in your personal hell. It’s by far one of the hardest things I’ve had to deal with, I’ve been feeling so exhausted and drained today. I’ve been very sad and just very gloomy today (I also deal with depression) and I have tried everything to make me feel better but it’s just one of those days. Everyone stay safe and you’re not alone, I really hope that each of you overcome your ocd for the better.

Relationship OCD

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