Comphet is awful

Just did a big exposure and watched a lot of “ I thought I was straight until x” videos of women in hetero relationships realizing they were lesbians in their 20s and 30s and I’m so scared and uncertain. I feel like I would actually be insane to have made up all the feelings I have felt for men consistently over the years, and I’m simultaneously afraid I’m bi and just don’t know/can’t figure it out. Today is hard and a day when I feel like I don’t have ocd and I might just be lying.

I’ve gotten alot better but the past week has been hard. I ended things with this guy who I thought I really liked but he was seeing other people and I couldn’t take it. The cherry on top I had a panic attack and thought I was pregnant. I’m not. Now I’m back to thinking I’m a lesbian. I was talking to my aunt and mom about my future wedding and children and got excited. I feel like I’ll never feel attracted to another man again or never enjoy sex. And then seeking reassurance I went on the nocd page and read a story about a woman who had so ocd that turned out to be queer. And now I feel like this is going to happen to me. I also redownloaded tik tok and I keep getting videos about late bloomer lesbians. It feels like the world is telling me I am. Despite the feelings I just had for this guy I feel like I must be a lesbian and I’m just deeply in denial. It’s coming back and I feel like my attraction to men has always been forced.

Hi guys, do you ever feel, even when the anxious feelings are gone (and your not in the back door spike window) that you still dont know who you are and what you're afraid of ( for instance in this case, not being straight) is actually true and that whole OCD cycle you're in might or might not be OCD but it doesnt matter because you're just using it as a way of proving that what you're feeling is normal and not actually face the truth? these are my thoughts right now... I was doing well, but even when I am doing well I still think about those stuff idk... like how do I know what true love is? am I faking my love for my bf and one day I'll be tired and actually just "want to accept the truth because its lighter?" becaus at that point I really feel like I'm in a movie and just playing the role of someone. Between renée rapp coming out as a lesbian after saying she was bi and sophia bush an Chrishell stause falling in love with women after being with men all their life its been kind of a triggering week (even tho when I learned it felt like I was happy like yes! they're a part of the lgbtq+ community as if I was part of that community too which triggered me even more) PS : no disprespect to anyone I'm just really triggered and confused!!