I think I really am lesbian

I have no anxiety with my thoughts, sensations, and images of being with the same sex anymore. It’s like my body finally decided to just accept that I am really lesbian.. my mind starts to wander now of dating women and even though I don’t enjoy the thoughts, it feels like I want to do them. Or I would want to do them one day. This literally crushes my heart to think that I’d have to leave my bf whom I love so much, as soon as my mind throws the thought or image of me breaking up with him over this my chest hurts and I instantly start crying. My heart is in pieces…but at the same time it feels like that’s what’s needs to happen 😭

Username: matthewwaitsmatthewwaits

Date posted: 45w ago

I think ocd plays on your fears and I think naturally more extreme things scare us than mild things. Maybe your just bi or maybe you can recognize others as attractive and your mind has just latched onto it. Or your lesbian. It doesn’t really matter. Whenever I’m high up and looking over a ledge my mind says “jump” and there’s an anxiousness of “wait should I?” and I almost want to jump, not to kill myself but to end the uncomfortableness. My point is that decisions trying to get rid of anxiety and fear typically aren’t healthy ones. Try to slow down. Try to schedule your thoughts, like 15 minutes a day for a week. Sexuality is only one color of life, it’s fair to everything else to let it take 100% of time and energy

Username: FoolishMortal1000FoolishMorta...

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 45w ago

Either way it wouldn't be the end if the world. If you leave him to be happy as a lesbian, you'll be okay. If you stay with him despite having feelings for women, you'll be okay. If he leaves you because he resents you for being a lesbian, you'll be okay. In every scenario, OCD is making these thoughts out to be far more catastrophic than they actually are. Radical acceptance that the thoughts aren't going to completely ruin your life and your ability to have eventual happiness are the key to beating OCD and living the life you desire.

Username: anonymous1315anonymous1315

Date posted: 45w ago

I don’t know exactly how you are feeling, but don’t feel like it’s just something you “have to do”. My ocd likes to tell me that I just have to be a lesbian in order for these uncomfortable feelings to go away. And the truth is I don’t necessarily know what would happen if my boyfriend and I broke up, who I would date, or if I’m actually bi and not straight. I just know I love him & I trust that I want to be with him. OCD clings to the uncertainty of it all, but if the decision makes you so uncomfortable and distraught I don’t know if that’s really the healthy decision to make. Like I said I don’t know exactly what you feel, but I wanted to give my perspective in case it’s helpful to you!

Username: Rachel12345678910Rachel123456...

Date posted: 45w ago

Hey, in the exact same situation! Love my boyfriend so much, do not want to leave him in the slightest. Why do I assess every single girls attractiveness looking for an answer? Why do I get constant thoughts and ruminate all day long ? I DNO. Butttt I seen someone who was a lesbian say this, but it would apply both ways. Ok so if ur in a relationship with a guy and ur really happy etc there’s nothing to be questioning, see until u find a woman u adore and want to be with them u can “reassess”. I find it quite helpful to say to my thoughts when they say well what if u find x attractive??? I’ll say I’m not sure , if I did I’ll reassess. Sending love

Username: Itsgonnabeokay

Date posted: 5y ago

My anxiety is pretty much gone...the thoughts are not...here’s the thoughts I’m having... -it’s not hocd this time, it’s the real thing -omg you’re attracted to your friend you’ve known for 18 years and you’re just now realizing it -when you see your boyfriend you’re gonna realize you don’t love him because you’re a lesbian -then I get intrusive thoughts about kissing girls...over and over and over again The hardest part is that the anxiety is gone so I don’t know if these are real thoughts...what if they are? What if I’m lying to myself? What if every boy I have ever fallen for in the past was just a cover? What if one day I’ll wake up and decide that men just don’t do it for me anymore? But I love them. I always have. The broad shoulders, the big arms, the height, the scent, the feeling of a boner on my butt while we spoon (so sorry tmi moment), I’ve loved them since I was 3! What the hell happened?

Username: brhtpurple

Date posted: 3y ago

I feel like a lesbian. I feel bisexual. I feel like that’s what I want. It feels like I like the thoughts. I feel like I have to leave my boyfriend. I don’t want to lose him, but it feels like I need to leave him. I feel sick. I feel like I’m hiding it from myself and using ocd as a coverup. I don’t want to be one of those woman who find out they’re lesbians later than life. I’m afraid of being one of those woman who convince themselves they can be into men when they can’t. What if that’s me? What if I never enjoy sex with my boyfriend? I don’t enjoy it now, because every time I try to enjoy I get thoughts like, “you want him to be a woman. You’re not attracted to him. You’re not attracted to men. You need to leave him for a woman. You would enjoy sex with a woman.” I don’t want that to be true, but it feels like it secretly is. Am I denying my true sexuality? Is me thinking I have ocd just a coverup?? There’s a lot of proof for me being a lesbian that constantly haunts me. For example, I used to watch lesbian porn. But the thing that really bothers me is that I (TMI) masturbated to a picture of two cartoon characters as lesbians, videos of woman twerking, and music videos of woman. I don’t know why I did those things. It makes me feel like I would like having sex with a woman, because I liked seeing their bodies in porn and masturbated to it. I want to be with my boyfriend. I don’t want to leave, I don’t want to lead him on. But I can’t be happy around him, because sometimes he will cause these thoughts and memories to arise. I keep seeing lesbians on tik tok and i feel like I want to be with them. I keep thing about my boyfriend and marrying him, then I get the thought, “you don’t want to be with him, you want a wife when you’re older.” I also don’t want to be homophobic. I’m afraid of that. I’m supportive of the lgbtq community, but it doesn’t feel natural for me. The thought of ME specifically being lesbian or bi doesn’t make sense to me. Or at least didn’t. Now I feel like I want it :(

Sexual Orientation OCD

Username: Ridethewave

Date posted: 2y ago

Must be real

I have chronic anxiety all day thinking my sexuality.. It feels like I want it and thinking about a future my boyfriend is riddled eith anxiety and feeling like I don't want it and would rather be with a woman. I feel sad because I feel like i have to end things with my boyfriend to be a lesbian. I'm riddled with anxiety, sadness, guilt and helplessness. I can't take this feeling anymore I want it all to stop! I'm at my whits end, I feel like I've been thinking about this shit forever, even before I met my boyfriend. I'm just so done

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I think I really am lesbian

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