Career choice

Hey everyone, I just wanted to share something I’ve been struggling with, especially around making decisions. It’s really hard for me to feel confident in the choices I make, even when I know what the right thing is. I constantly find myself needing validation from others—whether it’s about something small or something really important. For example, at my job, I might know exactly what I’m doing and have done it right a bunch of times, but I still feel the need to double-check with someone or ask if it’s okay. It’s like this fear kicks in, and I start imagining worst-case scenarios—like what if I mess up and someone gets hurt, and then I get blamed or even end up in jail or prison. I know that sounds extreme, but these thoughts just come automatically, and they feel so real in the moment. This has been going on for maybe a year or two now. Even outside of work, the same thing happens. Like recently, I’ve been trying to figure out a gym schedule—my girlfriend wants to go with me, and I’m trying to plan the times and make it all work. But instead of just choosing what works best for me, I overthink it. I go back and forth in my head, and I ask other people what they think, even though deep down I know this is something I should be deciding for myself. It’s my life, but I still need that reassurance from others, and I don’t really know why. It’s exhausting to always doubt myself and to feel like one wrong choice could lead to something terrible. I’m trying to work through it, but I just wanted to put it out there and see if anyone else deals with this or has advice. Thanks for reading.

I’m 21. The 3 year anniversary of my graduation from high school is soon. Lately, I’ve been worried about where I’m going in life and if it’s even worth it because I don’t know why I exist or what my purpose is After graduating I lost a new job I loved due to poor management on my boss’s side, they failed to teach me my job then fired me for it, and moved from my mom’s house into my dads house due to issues with my stepdad, both of which put me into a depression. I got a new job 3 months later. But ever since being fired and moving out, I feel like I’ve been in a depressive cycle of Eat, Sleep, Work, Repeat. I’ll get home and doomscroll for hours, and occasionally play games with friends at nights. Occasionally I’ll do my hobbies but usually feel guilty for it. I don’t see my friends and family nearly as much as I used to. I want to, but it feels like everything I want to do, my intrusive thoughts find a way to keep me at home. “It’s a waste of time.” “You need to be productive on your time off or you’ll go nowhere in life so stay home.” But then if I stay home it’s “you need to go out and do something.” “You’re being unproductive sitting at home all day.” “Seeing them wont make you feel better, you’ll never be happy” My girlfriend lives 6 hours away and is usually the only time I’d go outside and live and feel in the moment, but even then I’d feel guilt. I feel like my OCD makes me feel guilty for everything. She’s helped me a lot, but lately we’ve had a few issues we’ve worked past that made me fear for losing her too. I’ve felt depressed for years now. Before being fired, I usually felt pretty good and was almost normal feeling. I’d had control over my fears and intrusive thoughts of suicide and the meaning of life, and had accepted them and wasn’t afraid. I knew it wasn’t me. But lately I’ve been trying to push myself out of this depressive cycle, and it’s made my OCD and fears of suicide and if life has meaning, come right back. I’m handling it slightly better, but it’s still hard. I just want to move past this and stop questioning why I’m even doing anything, if I want to end it all, when I know for certain I don’t want to and that I get to make my own meaning in life. I have dreams, I want to get back into art. I want to move in with my girlfriend eventually and start a family. But my OCD makes me so scared to even try to make art, and it makes me so scared I won’t be happy or content with my dreams. I feel so alone and sad. I feel like life will pass me by while I’m stuck feeling this sad and scared. It sucks, but I’m trying my best to get there. Gotta keep moving

I’ve had OCd my whole life since I was young. It’s just never bothered me. In January this year I had a severe onset which within a month led to some thoughts of suicide, worthlessness, etc. My OCD comes from my career choice and path to be a musician and be a professional guitarist. I play in professional bands that do wedding gigs etc. I practice incessantly and that’s where the OCD comes in. I felt worthless in February because I felt like I can never get better, I’ll never be good enough, or I’ll never achieve what I want. I ended up getting a therapist and a few sessions later I felt a lot better. I was on the up and up and no longer trying to play till 3 am in the morning to perfect something. So much to the point we dialed back sessions and I thought we were close to being out of the woods Fast forward to now and I feel back at square one. A large part of this I think is my uncle passed away and I really mourned his passing a lot. That seemed to be the catalyst for this. But now I’m at a point where once again I feel worthless. I feel like my life is meaningless because everytime I pick up the guitar I can never progress to where I want. If I don’t get what I’m working on in one practice session say a song or a solo it was a waste of time and I’m no good. Yet if I don’t play for hours on end I consider the day a waste because I could’ve been practicing guitar, getting better at my craft. And this intense OCD that makes a vicious cycle with guitar has caused me to hate it and hate that I do it. I no longer have the joy of playing like how I did when I picked it up and now I dread working and doing gigs because of it. It’s been such a long 6 month battle with OcD I just want to be better. I try to tell myself I should live a balanced and have relationships with my gf, friends, family, and that I can have those things, practice a few times a week for like 2-3 hours and achieve what I want. But everytime I say that my OCD trips out and I fall back in. My ocd says I should practice for 8 hours a day, commit myself to guitar so that I can achieve what I want. And what makes it harder is that ocd is backed up by rational thoughts like the fact that practicing does make you better, the best guitarist do practice a lot, etc. I’m just feeling hopeless. I need figure out if I want to live a balanced life or dive into guitar. Neither of them feel like the right decision, and at the same time they both do. My erp training, cbt and everything I talk about with my therapist goes flying out the window when the thoughts get heavy. I just want to be able to achieve my wants and goals on guitar and hopefully not loose my friends family and Girlfreind in the process. Yet I don’t even know what my goals are on guitar at this point because of the cycle I’ve put myself through. Idk if anyone has ever had the experience with ocd and music/career path but if anyone has insight or advice I would appreciate. Thank you 🙏