- Date posted
- 1y
someone from before recovery reached out to me
i starting having really bad relationship ocd symptoms in freshman year of highschool. i have an obsessive fear im an abusive person who is secretly hurting the people that i love. throughout all highschool i attached myself to this one friend group, and so did my ocd. my compultions centered around them, and i quickly became toxic to be around bc my need for reassurance was insatiable and i was constantly negative to be around. they cut me off when my symptoms starting to get really ugly and it was hurting them. it’s been 4 years since i’ve spoken to any of them. i’m 22 now and one of the members of that group just reached out to me on discord? they said they hit friend request on accident but that i’ve genuinely been on their mind recently and they don’t have the words for what they want to say to me yet but they hope i’m doing well. i told them thank you for telling me and for now i would just let them be and wait for them to find the words they want to say, but leave them alone until then and that i hope they’re doing well too. every since then i can’t seem to stop thinking about them. i want so desperately to mend things especially since i’m doing so much better now, but also the fact that i can’t get this interaction out of my head makes me think maybe that’s proof enough i’m not ready. i have to be ok with the fact that they COULD reach out again, or they might disappear again. neither option is guaranteed, and i have to be ok with both options. still though, im trying to at least tell myself that the fact that this interaction was so kind might be evidence towards the fact that i wasn’t as awful of a person as my ocd thought i was