It feels real

Is it normal to have moments where it feels so real? Like where it feels like you’re fantasizing and you’re enjoying it and you like all of this? But I know there’s nothing there. There’s no desire to be this person. I don’t want or like this. I feel like I’m voluntarily doing this and bringing it on. There’s people saying they want to throw up on here because of this and I feel like I’m not as worried. But I worry every day. I saw someone say people who actually are that person can be distressed but not disgusted and I’m worried that that’s me. But it is disgusting. It’s both disgusting and distressing but I’m worried that I’m not reacting how someone who’s really disgusted would. But at the same time I know it’s not real, it’s not me at all so I feel like I don’t react as much. I literally have no attraction to children. There’s no part of me that wants that I feel absolutely nothing for them in an inappropriate way. My only feelings are that I want them to be happy and enjoy childhood and never ever be hurt by evil people who are actually that. I can’t imagine harming ANYONE. But it’s really confusing how I know this and tell myself this but then I’ll have images pop up and thoughts that feel like I’m into it and thoughts that sound like I’m making sick jokes. It’s so hard to keep up with and I know I care I think I’m just so tired of it. I hope it’s just pocd. I hope I can get a therapist this year. I’m afraid to do anything with my life.

Username: lightlovelightlove

Date posted: 43w ago

maybe you have an anxious attachment style that causes you to not trust in yourself but instead put all your trust in others. you can have all the reassurance in the world, but it still can't prove the obvious truth which is that you do not lust after kids just cuz you love them. it's like proving that the earth is round. the conspiracies your anxiety made about you in your head are not true, you are gonna be okay <3

Username: bloominglotusbloominglotus

Date posted: 43w ago

@garlicamoeba Thank you, this is is such a nice message and I appreciate it so much.🥹

Username: JessIsConfusedJessIsConfused

Date posted: 43w ago

I relate completely to this post. You are not alone. It is so scary. Sending my love ❤️

Username: bloominglotusbloominglotus

Date posted: 43w ago

@JessIsConfused Thank you so much. Sending love to you as well. That helps a lot to know I’m not alone. I don’t know what I would do if it wasn’t for this app and seeing other people going through similar things. It is really scary and hurtful too.

Username: JessIsConfusedJessIsConfused

Date posted: 43w ago

@bloominglotus Trust me I have been dealing with this stuff for about 3 years now. The main thing I learned is that mental health is not linear! You will have ups and downs all of the time. I like to think of times where I was really happy and able to enjoy my life. Those will happen again before you know it! No matter who you are or what u have, you deserve happiness and you will get it. This app is the first step! One day at a time!

Username: bloominglotusbloominglotus

Date posted: 43w ago

@JessIsConfused I’m so sorry you’ve been dealing with this for so long. You’re so strong. Thank you for the sweet words, that makes me feel hopeful.🥹 I appreciate it so so much.

Username: 6827368273

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 43w ago

Sending you hugs. This is a hard theme

Username: hailhydrahailhydra

Date posted: 43w ago

i’m feeling the same way with harm ocd thoughts towards others

Username: hailhydrahailhydra

Date posted: 43w ago

i relate where it’s like sometimes i do it on my own and think of it purposefully or i keep bringing it back on my own. it’s so hard to explain. i feel you.

Username: bloominglotusbloominglotus

Date posted: 43w ago

@hailhydra I’m sorry to hear you’re experiencing this. It’s a difficult thing to deal with. It feels a little better to know I’m not the only one. Don’t give up.

Username: AndyJones65AndyJones65

Date posted: 43w ago

hey there, i'm so sorry you're navigating through such confusion and distress right now. that's heavy. i can feel the anguish in your words, and i think it's really brave of you to reach out about your struggle. 🌼 have you heard about "unstuck" (unstuckmyocd.com/try)? it's this ai therapy tool for ocd that has been a game changer for me in the past month—it might be worth a shot for you too. i got the suggestion from another member here on the forum and only wish i'd known about it sooner. ✨

Username: jelly

Date posted: 5y ago

Hey so I’m an 18 year old college student I’ve had ocd for a long time but I never wanted to admit this aspect of it as part of it and I still don’t. That’s why I won’t say it cause I’ll just end up crying again. I don’t even want to post about it cause this would just make the problem real. I know I’m not sexually attracted to them but my mind wants to trick me and I end up getting confused on which is rlly me, like the other aspects of my ocd. It spiked ig when someone sent me a meme and it was fine but at the end of it it showed a child being shown in a sexual way which was suppose to I guess be funny but it wasn’t rlly funny to me at all and got uncomfortable and the pocd thoughts came in hard and I had such a bad panic attack and then I felt the need to go back and check to see what I was feeling and went to the video the next day after avoiding it to see which after reading the threads here is I guess a big no no? I know I’m not sexually attracted but my mind is playing these games and confuses me and I’m so scared to even talk to my therapist about it or ask people for help cause what if they think I’m a pedophile? Children genuinely make me happy and I have a motherly instinct to care for them but my mind turns it into something darker and I know I don’t think of these kids sexually but it’s like I have the power to?And that freaks me out so much and it won’t leave me alone I don’t know what to do I know I’m not one but my mind is tricking me and it’s freaking me out and if my mind says it could be what if other people think I am no one I trust will even understand idk what to do I just needed to put this somewhere to vent

POCD

Username: rosequartz

Date posted: 30w ago

Help

What do you do when it starts to feel really real and you lose yourself? I constantly get thoughts/images of me being romantically involved w a child and I disgusts me to my core but at the same time I get thoughts and this "feeling" that I like it and it freaks me out. I tend to say "i want to be someone my age or older" when I get those thoughts and I get thoughts that I’m lying and that I don’t see myself w someone my age or older and it’s so weird and gross. I’m so scared that I’m going to become something I don’t want to be. I haven’t been diagnosed fully but my psychiatrist said that she’s sure that it is anxiety disorder and impulse phobia which is very close/linked to ocd. I’m so scared that my fear is gonna become real and this is turning me into one and I’ve always been one or something.

POCD

Username: co653

Date posted: 25w ago

giving up

constant intrusive thoughts, constant groinal responses. couldn’t even watch a video on TikTok of a toddler throwing a fit bc she opened her legs and immediately my pocd acted up. it gives me groinal responses, bad thoughts, and feelings of anxiety, fear , and shame. I hate this. How do I get through life like this? I can’t even imagine being a teacher or a parent, because the next thought that comes is images of me hurting children. thoughts of “ur a p, ur destined to be a p, ur gonna eventually end up hurting a kid” “ur only freaking out because u know u will be shunned” I hate this. The thoughts go into so much detail and feel so real. No matter what I say or do, it argues back and convinces me im a p. Everytime I see children, anywhere, I can’t stand it because of this. I’m scared to have kids out of fear I will hurt them and do something bad to them for my own pleasure. I feel like one day im just gonna snap and hurt kids. I can’t take this at all. It feels so real. I don’t know what to do. I am crying as I am writing this. The groinal responses feel like actual arousal. I feel so angry, and sad, at the world and myself. I am scared and I think I am actually a p, and instead should get help for that instead of ocd. I don’t know what else to do

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