keeping me up
i had a harm thought at like 10 pm that was like “i have to…” and it really freaked me out and now i can’t stop thinking about it and i cant sleep idk what to do now my brain just keeps repeating it and it’s really scaring me what do i do
I have harm, suicide, and health ocd so we are very similar just keep up with your therapy. Sometimes when I have thoughts I do use distractions like I play a game on my phone or something as well but be proud of yourself that your getting the help you need and your gonna beat this doubting disorder !
@Rycahall it’s just really annoying because all in all i had a pretty good week. and then friday and yesterday were like hell again. and like i was thinking about going to the hospital but if i do that they may keep me and id have to take time off school and i cant do that
@kodyisland Yeah going to the hospital would be a compulsion. And that is what you want to avoid ! I went when I was really sick… to get stabilized on meds and also because I had no idea what was happening to me. But now that I know it’s ocd and got the correct help then I got better. Maybe schedule an emergency appointment with your therapist.
@Rycahall it would? i have an appointment with her tomorrow and im trying to see if i could get in contact today
@kodyisland Yes ! Because you’re avoiding the problem. And yes I would try to see her today since it’s really affecting you!
@Rycahall idk if they’re even available on weekends. i just asked the advocates if they could reach out to her and see if she can message me
@Rycahall but like what if it’s bc u don’t feel safe
@kodyisland I'm a student too and I also get worse on the weekends. I think it might be because you're not working as much and your mind has time to wander and dwell on bad thoughts. It really helps to stay busy, if you can.
@alisonjoy i try. but i’m also in school so much during the week i don’t wanna do anything on weekends lmao. do you ever worry that your ocd is gonna affect your grades?
@kodyisland Yes, all the time. I worry my OCD will get in the way of me doing my work. One of my intrusive thoughts is that no matter what I do, I will fail. But I just have to realize that that's an irrational thought and try not to believe it. And I get what your saying, you do need to relax on the weekends, but maybe try not to be alone with your thoughts. Maybe try talking to a friend, and it doesn't have to be about OCD, it could be about anything, as long as it gets your mind off the bad thoughts. Or even watching TV sometimes helps me, although I do try to avoid violent shows if my thoughts are bad because they can make them worse. I hope this helps. ♡
@alisonjoy i really appreciate it. it’s nice to know someone has a similar experience to you. i feel like with my new semester starting im obsessed with the thought that i could fail
@kodyisland Yeah, if you ever need to talk, I'll try my best to respond asap. I really relate with you. And remember: you're not failing as long as you are trying. You are so strong. I believe in you. ♡
@alisonjoy same to you!
@kodyisland Man, I wish you could friend people on here
@alisonjoy ikr they should add that feature. or like a dm or something
@alisonjoy is finishing/adding onto a thought an intrusive thought or compulsion? like say you have a random regular thought and then it like adds on or finishes the thought with some messed up thought
@kodyisland I think so. I get that too. Man, we're so alike fr
@alisonjoy tea we are the same. who do your thoughts target, if you don’t mind my asking
@kodyisland Mostly myself. But strangely, instead of it being close friends in family, it's also random innocent people on the street or my pets. 😞 I hate it.
@alisonjoy i get that. for me it’s myself or my mom and sometimes my friends
@alisonjoy can i ask you a question?
@kodyisland Sure :)
@alisonjoy thanks lol! i’m actually gonna change my mind because i don’t want to seek reassurance
@kodyisland Lol, okay
@alisonjoy can i ask you something?
I have felt this exact same thing when I'm getting ready for bed. It can repeat in your brain for hours, make your heart pound and your thoughts race, and keep you up. I know it's upsetting, but try to tell yourself they're just thoughts and you don't have to act on them. By voicing your concerns, you have shown that you don't want to act on them. The thoughts are the opposite of what you want; that's why they disturb you so much and get under your skin. Try to distract yourself. Listen to calming music, read a book, close your eyes and try to picture different images for each letter of the alphabet, anything you can do to keep your mind off it is good. Often, telling yourself "don't think about it" only makes you think about something more, so distraction is the way to go. Get your mind engaged in something you love or something challenging. This usually helps me, speaking from someone who has been experiencing this exact same thing every night for months. You are strong. You can get through this. You are not alone. ♡
@alisonjoy thank you. i woke my mom up crying and told her i wanted to go to the hospital but she made me sit down and breathe and now we’re just laying here. it’s scary cause the thoughts are about her but yeah. im still feeling nervous tho
@kodyisland You laying next to your mom would be an exposure which means your showing yourself that these are just as they are ! Thoughts! Keep laying with her and the thoughts will slowly fade away because your showing yourself that you will not do these horrible things. I have the same harm ocd and it always go for who you love the most. I still have little flare ups but the thoughts are just not sticky anymore ! You got this love just relax and remember it’s not forever ! You will beat this flare up !
@Rycahall have you ever had them present with different words like that?
@kodyisland I have ! Many different ones ! Very similar I would tell you but I don’t want to trigger you at all or start a new thought!
@Rycahall have you had the “i have to” one. i like just can’t get it out of my head
@kodyisland No it was more like “just do it”
@Rycahall yeah i’ve had that. do you think the i have to is still ocd
@kodyisland Absolutely if it’s stuck on repeat it is ! But the more you expose yourself and show yourself that you won’t do what your thoughts are telling you it will pass little by little. I promise ! If you’re looking for reassurance just to give you a piece of mind you won’t do anything I promise it’s all in your thoughts and that’s all it is is a thought !
@Rycahall thanks. sorry for the reassurance seeking. the repetitive “i have to” is like really freaky because it feels real
@kodyisland I have the "I have to.." all the time.
@alisonjoy this makes me feel like 10x better i really thought i was going crazy. thank you so much
@kodyisland No problem at all :) Your OCD will try to tell you that you are alone with these thoughts and you are a horrible monster, but there are so many other people out there living with your same problems. You're thoughts may be bad, but you are not your thoughts. ♡
I’ve also had “today is the day” now I think about it and just roll my eyes I’m telling you exposure therapy helped me so much …. And you exposing yourself and laying next to your mom is showing your thought that you don’t have to do anything is give you more details but I’m not a therapist so I don’t want to have you doing exposures especially when I’m not a trained therapist but I would definitely look into ERP therapy !
@Rycahall i do therapy with nocd!
All the time man, I’m trying to find a way to fight this, it has completely taken over my life
@Lilpeep12 have you ever had it present like that?
Oh ok ! Well I will tell you my exposures got really intense …. And it saved my life I was a vegetable and wouldn’t even get out of bed lost my job I could drive without having a panic attack. And I recovered but I do have some bad days and when I do I do exposure.
i wanna fucking scream and cry over my intrusive thoughts. it's incredibly disturbing and won't stop. i can't stop it. i can't not perform a compulsion(every though it only makes them worse, and i can't ignore it. i hate this. i hate myself. i just want to go to sleep without thinking about this please. i feel so sick and ashamed of myself. i'm genuinely so scared i'm gonna hurt someone. idk what to do anymore. i just want help.
i was trying to sleep and i randomly got a thought what if im schizophrenic im so scared now im getting really hyper aware of myself and i cant sleep im so scared someone please speak to me or something😥😢
my ocd is being the most annoying thing in the world right now. my intrusive thoughts keep telling me to cut myself and its keeping me from falling asleep. i have to be up in 5 hours. i dont want to and im not gonna but i feel like i have to to make the thoughts go away. this is really hard :(
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