ROCD massive shifts

So confused how I can go from feeling this strong sense of “Nothing can happen to my husband, he needs to be safe, I’d never fall in love again or find a better man if something happened to him, we have to grow old together.” (For months!) to suddenly feeling “I’m not attracted to him, oh no my friends’ partners at this cabin retreat are more attractive than him, oh no everyone agrees they’re super attractive, no one said anything about him, maybe we’re going to split up one day because I don’t feel attracted enough to his personality and physicality and maybe that’s why I have vaginismus.” Trying to ride out the wave and figure out what my values are telling me. I know everyone goes through less attracted periods (this one literally started in the car on the way to the cabin so it’s been two days and a half but my brain is thinking such DIRE and depressing thoughts constantly). Anyone have any helpful resources they might recommend? I really wish my attraction wouldn’t unplug like a cord. It seems to be very triggered by public settings with comparison to super cute and happy couples and/ or by my own feelings of boredom with more nerdy topics he discusses with friends.

Username: AndyJones65AndyJones65

Date posted: 48w ago

hey, i can hear how much you're struggling with these disruptive thoughts about your husband and their impact on your relationship. it's super tough when your mind starts comparing your partner to others around you, especially in social situations. i totally get how that can lead to feelings of doubt, creating anxiety. 😕 have you heard about "unstuck" (unstuckmyocd.com/try)? i've found it really helpful dealing with my ocd in the past month. it's an ai-powered therapy tool specifically designed for ocd, another member here actually suggested it to me and i wish i had discovered it sooner! 🌈 maybe give it a try?

Username: Rocd-friendRocd-friend

Date posted: 45w ago

@AndyJones65 Thank you so much 💕 I really feel your kindness in your words and that means the world. Thank you for your compassionate response without reassurance and for the tip! I’ll try it out! 🙏🏼

Username: Rocd-friendRocd-friend

Date posted: 45w ago

@AndyJones65 Oh and I left an update below 💛

Username: Emgirl5458Emgirl5458

Date posted: 48w ago

Hey, I am going through this same exact thing right now. It’s been a pattern with me for a few years now. One day I’ll be perfectly fine and be so in love and attracted to my husband then the next just nothing . And social settings with my friends husbands , boyfriends don’t help because I think the same way as you described . It sucks and is super discouraging. Hoping it can get better for you:)

Username: Rocd-friendRocd-friend

Date posted: 45w ago

@Emgirl5458 It’s rough! I’m going on a few years too and I’ve noticed some things have improved and yet some triggers remain. I actually believe I need to do trauma therapy as I previously discovered some ROCD triggers are deep rooted in fears of my husband being anything like my father or me becoming like my mother. IFS sometimes has helped identifying trigger roots too. What’s gotten better is I’ve been doing better on holidays by actively planning rather than passively expecting certain things from him (testing). For the past two years I had panic attacks on my birthday related to ROCD and this year I didn’t! All 3 holidays of new years Christmas and my birthday were fantastic so I was encouraged by that. Naturally this cabin trip was a downer on that progress. Thank you for your kind words of empathy! I wrote an update down below! 🫶🏼🙏🏼

Username: Emgirl5458Emgirl5458

Date posted: 48w ago

I don’t have too many helpful tips for you other than think about times and memories that you enjoyed with him and a time where you felt so deeply for him. Latch on to those thoughts. Hope fill that will help and hopefully knowing someone else going through the same thing will help so you’re not alone!

Username: Rocd-friendRocd-friend

Date posted: 45w ago

@Emgirl5458 Thank you so much! It really does help to know I’m not alone! :) I’m grateful for you sharing that with me. I do have a question — I’ve actually wondered if thinking about those good time memories could be reassurance? Then again I feel like the center where I did ERP was really stern and I feel like my trying to understand what is and isn’t ocd can become ocd sometimes - so a therapist told me that you do need actual healthy reassurance at times, especially from a beloved partner. It’s more about where the motive for it is coming from. I’m kinda brainstorming at this point. Anyways I left an update below and I’m rooting for you too. We can keep moving forward step by step! 🌟⛅️🙌🏼

Username: Rocd-friendRocd-friend

Date posted: 45w ago

Thank you all: update for now — I’m back to feeling better! I will admit I have this superstition where I feel the reverse will happen as soon as I utter it (magical thinking?) but I thought y’all should know. Thank you for the suggestions, I truly appreciate it! It’s interesting bc as soon as I resolve in my mind and heart that I do love him and love our relationship, another concern rears it’s head. It’s a valid and serious one, granted. Right now a big concern popping up that’s threatening me is not knowing if I want kids anymore when I know he wants to be a father so dearly. I’ve been googling on Reddit for the past 3 hours, and I know I need to stop bc it’s part of the ocd cycle. This is legitimately a threat to the relationship… with everything that’s going on in the world and with my own personal feelings of not feeling like I may be cut out to be a mom… it feels very urgent to figure it out ASAP bc that could be a dealbreaker (spoiler alert, everyone on Reddit says it’s a dealbreaker). I see the cycle happening and I’m going to cut it off now, but i know it’ll be in my mind circulating and ruminating (another compulsion). So I think I will try the unstuck app and my exposure list too so I can get back into a centered place.

Username: Butterfly_23

Date posted: 2y ago

ROCD

General statement/question for anyone who can possibly relate: I've been struggling with ROCD for about 3 months now, the typical "do I actually love him", "what if I don't and I'm just leading him on", "why don't I feel connected any more, this must mean something is wrong with us", "planning the future makes me anxious because we might break up"...the list goes on. I've been especially struggling these past few days. I want a big future with this man and I've never second guessed it until all these intrusive thoughts have come into my life with a bang. I hate them. I feel so emotionally drained and incapable of enjoying the moments I have with him because I'm constantly thinking about the things missing. The fact I struggle to stay present. As we all probably know the age old reassurance after an anxiety inducing thought- I do this fairly often, googling my thoughts and why I'm feeling this way. I am so beyond exhausted. I know I want to marry this man and a future with him isn't scary, it's just significant moments that trigger me and suddenly I'm spiring into the OCD cycle again. I just want to know other people feel the same? I've been feeling so flat and disconnected from everyone, especially him which breaks my heart. I know I love him, so deeply - even writing that my brain said "are you sure you do?". I just want to see if other people experience ROCD similar to me. Thanks

Relationship OCD

Username: lilbill

Date posted: 1y ago

ROCD

My rocd flared up around the time my girlfriend and i were starting the process of getting an apartment. At the start, I was very excited and so happy to be moving together. then my mind kept thinking “she’s not going to let you have any say in anything, she doesn’t want you decorating, you guys don’t like the same things” and i started to believe that, which eventually led to me saying all that. and from there on, it gradually got worse. I started having thoughts like “do i even love her? am i in love with her? having i been faking it this entire time? do i have feelings for anymore? etc” and then i would have thoughts of breaking up and i’d get so anxious. now i wake up every morning thinking “i don’t love her, i don’t want to be in a relationship with her” and i get sooooo anxious. i know i love her, i know i don’t want to break up with her, i know the apartment is something i genuinely want, i just can’t feel any of it right now. every time i think of breaking up, i try to imagine my life without her and it doesn’t seem right. i genuinely can’t imagine not being with her. my feelings and thoughts before all this were very much happy and healthy, like i was smitten but now my thoughts affect me everyday, they’re all i think about. it’s all i research, i talk about it too much to other people, the thoughts are making me feel like i’m faking everything. does anyone have tips. i just want to feel like i used to feel

Relationship OCD

Username: Elicambel

Date posted: 26w ago

ROCD

i know alot of other people experience this but i’m just so worried that i’m not attracted to my partner anymore like i remember when i was with them before i felt like turned on or whatever and really attracted and for the past 2 weeks it’s been a lot less intense and i don’t know why, i think it could be because I’ve been EXTREMELY stressed lately and my period started yesterday so im not sure but im scared

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ROCD massive shifts

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