- Date posted
- 6y
- Date posted
- 6y
mine started about my son when he was 8. i didnt get help until now even though ibtried. now all of the b.s. help i got and thebadvice i got is all wrapped up in the ball. all the research i did. its all so wrapped up i just spin and spin and spin. sitting in a recovery house in California bc i tried to hurt myself last month during ssri withdrawls. my heart is with you and i hate this shit too
- Date posted
- 6y
I have harm ocd and mine started a lot like yours did. Therapy has been number one for me to help manage but some days are really hard still
- Date posted
- 6y
Meaning I labeled them as just thoughts. But I realize I have rituals to “keep the thoughts at bay.” IT IS SO HARD to type that! It’s scary and I feel the same way!
- Date posted
- 6y
I never had it until I went though a very stressful time in my life, my grandma passed and my nephew tried to hurt himself and my brother. My mom was so upset about everything and I then internalized and thought “what if something happens to me?” “What if I die?” What if I hurt myself what if I hurt my kids? ... it just spiraled from there ? it’s been 2.5 years. It sucks. I want it to go away and live just like I used too ?
- Date posted
- 6y
To further that thought, I love my daughter more than anything in the world. Some days guilt of not finding recovery until she was a few years old also consumes me. Being a good mother is my number one priority in life. My doctor said that my brain goes to worst case scenario when I panic, and it’s natural. At first I was petrified to share my thinking with someone but I know from experience that the more secrets we keep the more power they hold over our lives. Since sharing it, it’s gotten better, but none the less terrifying when the thoughts happen. I guess my question is, has anyone else had thoughts like this and what do you do to help? I’ve read articles about rumination and one tip in particular that helps me is acknowledging the thought, “this is a scary thought, but it’s just a thought” and letting it pass.
- Date posted
- 6y
So did yours progress? Mine come and go. I didn’t think I ever acted on them but the more I learn about ocd the more I learn I’ve had rituals for most of my life. Not sure intense and life altering rituals, but for instance I will go in her room and check on her 6-7x at night for fear that if I didn’t, shed stop breathing. I’ll pray about it as well. Or if I leave the house I have a fear that I left the stove on or the door open and something awful will happen. I’ll go in and out of the house before I leave a good 5-6x to check that the same thing is done that I know is done.
- Date posted
- 6y
That’s ocd in a nutshell. I used to check on my baby like that when she was little because I was so afraid. I don’t do that anymore - but I still have other issues. What do you mean act on it? I have intrusive thoughts about me actually hurting my own children. Gosh it’s so hard to even type that but therapy has helped me label and understand these thoughts even though it’s still really hard to do some days. I don’t want to act on my thoughts - let alone have them, they cause extreme anxiety to me. I’m sorry you are dealing with this as well, I suggest a good ocd therapist
Related posts
- Date posted
- 24w
TW- POCD people only please. Am I a criminal hiding behind a diagnosis? I woke up in the middle of the night breathing and I was having groinals because she laying across me. My mind told me I had already hurt her so might as well do something else. I then was like well I have nothing to lose and I had to think of what to do. The only thing I could think to do was move my elbow towards her groin area to cause a feeling. Well I did that and my elbow touched her groin and caused an unwanted feeling. I then immediately asked my child to move. After that, I went back to sleep but I believe in a state of shock as to what happened. I woke up panicking completely thinking I have done ruined my life. I was going to prison and would lose my child. Since then, I haven't stopped ruminating. I have had days where I feel okay, but then there are days where I can't stop crying. Thinking I don't deserve my child, and I deserve to be in the ground. I was on a new medication that was causing me to spiral and giving me insomnia during this time. I wasn't getting much sleep at all. Since then, I've slept on the floor, and I eventually got my child to sleep in their own bed to avoid this happening again. I got off the medication and feel so much better with my thoughts and sleeping so much better. My daughter tells me how wonderful I am often, but I don't feel that I even deserve to celebrate Mother's Day this year. I'm not a good mom. I was four months ago before I spiraled. What's wrong with me? (edited)
- Date posted
- 20w
Am I the P I was always scared to be? Or am I still the amazing mom I once was? I need support. I just need someone to be up front with me. Tell me the truth. I want to get past it all. My mind is telling me I'm the only one who is dealing with something like this. Idk why I did my biggest BIGGEST fear. I was put on a new medication when this happened which caused me to spiral, my thoughts to be more often, and have insomnia. I have been diagnosed with POCD as well. I woke up in the middle of the night when my child was laying completely cross my chest. I was breathing and having groinal sensations. My mind told me that I assaulted her by this, and I was going to prison for it. My thoughts started going like this, "you're already bad might as well do something else", "no sense in stopping now" "you can finally do what you've always wanted", "what would you do if you could do anything to cause harm" So I had to think of what to do in the moment. The only thing I could think to do was move my elbow towards my child's groin. In the moment it felt like I really wanted to do this. I proceeded to do so, and my elbow touched her groin. I immediately told my child to move off me. I then went back to sleep. When I woke up, I began panicking, confessing to a family member what happened, and crying immensely. I feel like I failed as a mother. I'm in such distress since I started sleeping on the floor to avoid it from happening again, and I got off the medication. I'm so much better OCD wise since I got off the meds. I was the BEST mom months ago before this happened. The thoughts have always bothered me, and I was always scared I would give in and act on them. I'm living my worst nightmare. I feel alone. Felt so wanted in the moment and SO real. Ugh. Could someone just give me some support?
- Date posted
- 18w
Hi everyone, this is giving me so much anxiety even saying this out loud because my OcD is telling me that somehow someone will know who I am on here and report me this goes with what I’m about to say about my irrational stuff. Since my baby was born I’ve had a lot of majorrr anxiety about him getting sick. From there my postpartum ocd spiked. I had this irrational fear someone would falsely report me as a bad mom and I’d get my baby taken from me. I’ve NEVER had anyone tell me I’m a bad mom, as a matter of fact, almost every day I get praised for how good of a mom I am. My child is so loved and taken care of. So why did I have that fear? it CONSUMED ME. Obsessively cleaning my house in case a social worker came. Stopped posting myself having occasional girls nights out for dinner because I thought one of my followers would think I’m a bad mom for getting a break. Not being able to talk about ANYTHING or send pictures of my baby to family and friends to update them since we live out of state because somehow I thought I would say something wrong or do something that would make someone think I’m a bad mom. I was convinced my baby was gonna be taken for zero reason. I still sometimes catch myself over analyzing myself and what I say because I don’t want to say the wrong thing and someone think I’m not a fit mom. I would even replay every scenario I remember and then second guess myself if that really happened or if I said something or not and freak out and spiral from there. with driving, if I go over a speed bump I have to double check it wasn’t magically a person. Then I panic even though I know for a fact it was a speed bump. I hate living like this. I feel crazy. I don’t open up because I feel like I’m the only person in the world. The one time I opened up about driving it was used against me. I feel like I’m drowning and I’m failing as a mom. I don’t even open up to a therapist about my irrational fear about baby being taken bc I don’t want them to think I’m a bad mom. It just doesn’t stop.
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