- Username
- KRod
- Date posted
- 5y ago
mine started about my son when he was 8. i didnt get help until now even though ibtried. now all of the b.s. help i got and thebadvice i got is all wrapped up in the ball. all the research i did. its all so wrapped up i just spin and spin and spin. sitting in a recovery house in California bc i tried to hurt myself last month during ssri withdrawls. my heart is with you and i hate this shit too
I have harm ocd and mine started a lot like yours did. Therapy has been number one for me to help manage but some days are really hard still
Meaning I labeled them as just thoughts. But I realize I have rituals to “keep the thoughts at bay.” IT IS SO HARD to type that! It’s scary and I feel the same way!
I never had it until I went though a very stressful time in my life, my grandma passed and my nephew tried to hurt himself and my brother. My mom was so upset about everything and I then internalized and thought “what if something happens to me?” “What if I die?” What if I hurt myself what if I hurt my kids? ... it just spiraled from there ? it’s been 2.5 years. It sucks. I want it to go away and live just like I used too ?
To further that thought, I love my daughter more than anything in the world. Some days guilt of not finding recovery until she was a few years old also consumes me. Being a good mother is my number one priority in life. My doctor said that my brain goes to worst case scenario when I panic, and it’s natural. At first I was petrified to share my thinking with someone but I know from experience that the more secrets we keep the more power they hold over our lives. Since sharing it, it’s gotten better, but none the less terrifying when the thoughts happen. I guess my question is, has anyone else had thoughts like this and what do you do to help? I’ve read articles about rumination and one tip in particular that helps me is acknowledging the thought, “this is a scary thought, but it’s just a thought” and letting it pass.
So did yours progress? Mine come and go. I didn’t think I ever acted on them but the more I learn about ocd the more I learn I’ve had rituals for most of my life. Not sure intense and life altering rituals, but for instance I will go in her room and check on her 6-7x at night for fear that if I didn’t, shed stop breathing. I’ll pray about it as well. Or if I leave the house I have a fear that I left the stove on or the door open and something awful will happen. I’ll go in and out of the house before I leave a good 5-6x to check that the same thing is done that I know is done.
That’s ocd in a nutshell. I used to check on my baby like that when she was little because I was so afraid. I don’t do that anymore - but I still have other issues. What do you mean act on it? I have intrusive thoughts about me actually hurting my own children. Gosh it’s so hard to even type that but therapy has helped me label and understand these thoughts even though it’s still really hard to do some days. I don’t want to act on my thoughts - let alone have them, they cause extreme anxiety to me. I’m sorry you are dealing with this as well, I suggest a good ocd therapist
My heart hurts so much right now. I am a mother of two and I am afraid to be near my children. Two weeks ago, everything was fine. I never had an intrusive thought about them at all. My mother recently told me that my father SA’ed me and I do not remember it because I was too little to remember. Well, while trying to cope with that information… I had a terrible intrusive thought. “What if I become like my father?” “What if you’re attracted to you kids?” I instantly felt sick, I threw up and then I could NOT stop thinking. I keep getting this horrible sinking feeling near them. I keep crying and missing how simple it was before. I love them so much and it’s only pure mother love. I don’t even have any urges it makes no sense why I can’t let this thought go. I just want to go back to being their mommy. I was looking at videos of when they were tiny babies or even from a few weeks ago and just crying because it was just simple and life was amazing and I cherished my children… now I am afraid to be near them. I told my boyfriend because I was having such terrible anxiety from this and I’ve been in a dark place. He knows I’ve had other obsessions and panic attacks so he is being very helpful through this. He says he trusts me and knows I would never harm our kids. But I keep feeling so guilty for even having this thought at all.
Hi all. I opened up to my psychiatrist today (my therapist and ocd therapist know) about the intrusive thoughts I've been having. The one thought would pop up over and over "child porn" and it made me so sick to my stomach because I can't believe I would think of such a thing. Then the thoughts were more dark like thinking of touching my son and even images of that happening..then came urges...and i felt so guilty and disgusted with myself :( after I told my psychiatrist ( who is currently treating me for bipolar 1) he was so concerned and told me I need to stay with my mom to make sure my son is safe. To not trust myself and have someone watch me. Well that made me feel a whole lot worse! The thoughts were actually subsiding this week and talking about it with him made the "child porn" thought pop up again. I just feel like I'm failing at life and as a mother. My immediate family think I should turn myself into a mental health facility and have intensive treatment. They think because I have those thoughts that I want to act on them or to let it go. I don't want to act on them and would never! Im scared of my thoughts and thats the problem. This is so frustrating.
Hello I am new to this application. I am 34 years old and I’m not sure if I have OCD but I’ve noticed that the last two weeks I have been having these horrible thoughts I can’t believe I am having them. It makes me so sad and scared and I can’t seem to stop crying. I’m going on week two feeling this way and can’t seem to get myself out of it. How can I possibly have thoughts about harming my child? They are the precious gift from God. They’re my flesh and bone how can I?? The anxiety I get every day has turned into having it all day and night, just the thought of How I can could possibly think of such thing, now followed by depression and lack of sleep. I have never had this problem ever up until now. I can’t even watch any crime shows or the news because it spikes my anxiety. I can’t even look at anything like knives, guns because it causes me major distress.
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