So I am new to this. I’ve always been diagnosed with GAD, depression, panic disorder, and am in recovery from SUD for 5 years. But about 6 months ago I started having thoughts during rumination of being a horrible mom. During that time, I couldn’t stop the thoughts. Then I started thinking, “what if something horrible happens to her?” And from there it went “what if I do something horrible to her?” I was terrified by that thought and now anytime my panic picks up my mind goes back to that thought. I’ve done a lot of reading and even talked to my doctor about this. I started back on my SSRI medication & it is managed more now. But every now and then this thought comes back and scares me as much as it did the first time, and when it does I obsess over it. “Why do I think like this? I must be a horrible person, etc.”

mine started about my son when he was 8. i didnt get help until now even though ibtried. now all of the b.s. help i got and thebadvice i got is all wrapped up in the ball. all the research i did. its all so wrapped up i just spin and spin and spin. sitting in a recovery house in California bc i tried to hurt myself last month during ssri withdrawls. my heart is with you and i hate this shit too

I have harm ocd and mine started a lot like yours did. Therapy has been number one for me to help manage but some days are really hard still

Meaning I labeled them as just thoughts. But I realize I have rituals to “keep the thoughts at bay.” IT IS SO HARD to type that! It’s scary and I feel the same way!

I never had it until I went though a very stressful time in my life, my grandma passed and my nephew tried to hurt himself and my brother. My mom was so upset about everything and I then internalized and thought “what if something happens to me?” “What if I die?” What if I hurt myself what if I hurt my kids? ... it just spiraled from there ? it’s been 2.5 years. It sucks. I want it to go away and live just like I used too ?

To further that thought, I love my daughter more than anything in the world. Some days guilt of not finding recovery until she was a few years old also consumes me. Being a good mother is my number one priority in life. My doctor said that my brain goes to worst case scenario when I panic, and it’s natural. At first I was petrified to share my thinking with someone but I know from experience that the more secrets we keep the more power they hold over our lives. Since sharing it, it’s gotten better, but none the less terrifying when the thoughts happen. I guess my question is, has anyone else had thoughts like this and what do you do to help? I’ve read articles about rumination and one tip in particular that helps me is acknowledging the thought, “this is a scary thought, but it’s just a thought” and letting it pass.

So did yours progress? Mine come and go. I didn’t think I ever acted on them but the more I learn about ocd the more I learn I’ve had rituals for most of my life. Not sure intense and life altering rituals, but for instance I will go in her room and check on her 6-7x at night for fear that if I didn’t, shed stop breathing. I’ll pray about it as well. Or if I leave the house I have a fear that I left the stove on or the door open and something awful will happen. I’ll go in and out of the house before I leave a good 5-6x to check that the same thing is done that I know is done.

That’s ocd in a nutshell. I used to check on my baby like that when she was little because I was so afraid. I don’t do that anymore - but I still have other issues. What do you mean act on it? I have intrusive thoughts about me actually hurting my own children. Gosh it’s so hard to even type that but therapy has helped me label and understand these thoughts even though it’s still really hard to do some days. I don’t want to act on my thoughts - let alone have them, they cause extreme anxiety to me. I’m sorry you are dealing with this as well, I suggest a good ocd therapist