Im SO confused

Thing is that i'm OBSESSED with a girl, i think about her all day and i hate this, i love My boyfriend, but she appears everywere and un everything, Even in unrelated things, She's a classmate and it's the third time i have an HOCD obsession with her, it makes me think and tried to make me believe im really in love with her, to also make me think i'm gay and makes me feel as if i don't want to be with my bf anymore, when i really love him and this actually started when i was scared of my bf falling in love with her.. i don't know what to do anymore, because Even if i Say i don't like her, it feels as if i'm lying, and also feels that i don't like My bf anymore which makes it Even MORE real, is this OCD? It feels like denial, but after the first 2 OCD obsessions with her i kept going with my normal life and loved My bf normally (Even tho i still had HOCD), pls answer:( i'm not gay, also, it came back because she cut her hair and now uses glasses, which i thought she looked cute or good in, but was scared of my boyfriend liking her, then it turned into, what if i liked her to directly thinking i'm in love with her (which i'm not and saying that made me anxious)..PLD READ I NEED ANSWERD :(

Username: Kaitlyn🌸Kaitlyn🌸

Date posted: 47w ago

This is very relatable to me! I have this guy friend and when I was growing up I had a big crush on him. But now we are grown and I’m in a relationship with a man I adore! I want to be loyal, it’s one of my biggest measures of my self worth, but oftentimes I have thoughts as if I still have feelings for my friend. I know logically that I don’t like him and I don’t want to like him, but it makes me feel like the thought alone is a betrayal. You know, I actually talked to my boyfriend about my worries. I expected him to be mad at me as if I cheated, but instead he was very calm and understanding. He said that actions have more value than thoughts. Thoughts come and go, they pop up uncontrollably, they don’t mean anything on their own. Actions are easier to trust, they are the real indicators of who we are and what we want.

Username: pengunaranja pengunaranja

Date posted: 47w ago

I see, also I didn't liked her, and I'm not gay, I have HOCD which makes me feel and believe I'm gay, out of fear I blocked and literally deleted her contact, had two panic attacks, I don't even want to look at her because it feels as if I do then that will make me like her.. my decision is to love my boyfriend unconditionally, I love him sm I want to marry him and take care of him:(

Username: Kaitlyn🌸Kaitlyn🌸

Date posted: 47w ago

@pengunaranja Have you ever seen Zach_westerbeck on instagram? He makes videos that have helped me get tools for my OCD. He made one that reminds me of what you’re describing.

Username: Married19$Married19$

Date posted: 47w ago

Unsure, but I learned just to start a conversation. Also, be ok with the thoughts. Maybe see the thought through whatever your fear is. Then you will see it was all in your head literally.

Username: jsajsa

Date posted: 47w ago

I think we need an HOCD group! But then will it make us have more HOCD

Username: pengunaranja pengunaranja

Date posted: 47w ago

FR WE SHOULD!!

Username: AshleyWilliams45AshleyWillia...

Date posted: 46w ago

hey, it sounds like you're going through a seriously tough time right now, and i can imagine how hard it must be dealing with these obsessive thoughts about your classmate, while trying to remind yourself of your love for your boyfriend. ocd can take various forms, and i see how this might be pushing you to question yourself. 😔 though i'm not a professional, i want to point out that there's a tool called "unstuck" (unstuckmyocd.com/try) that might be of help. it's an ai-powered therapy specifically for ocd and did wonders for me in the past month. a fellow forum member pointed it out to me and honestly, i wish i'd found it sooner! 🙌

Username: Idk

Date posted: 5y ago

I’m so afraid I might be lesbian. I was very anxious at first but it started to calm down. I’m only 15 and I have a boyfriend I love. At least I think I do, I always chose to question everything and over analyze. I found out about hocd and it described everything I was feeling. I’d take test and read articles like “am I lesbian” but I have never fantasied a girl or wanted to be with a girl sexually or romantically. But what if I’m in denial? I do think girls are physically attractive but I never crushed on a girl. I have always crushed on boys. And liked being with them. I’m just so lost. My anxiety about it had calmed down. But the question is still there sometimes. Earlier today, I found a girl pretty and I got scared thinking that meant something. Then I read about women who have married men, but they know they’re lesbian. I’m scared that that’ll Happen to me. I don’t want to be lesbian. No disrespect. But I just want to be happy. I think I’ve suffered from ocd before. Tell me anyone if I’m wrong. But I used to have thoughts of that my boyfriend would murder me in the future because of theses videos that triggered me. It caused me so much pain and felt so real. That I eventually started to think I’d murder my mom and sister for no reason. I felt so helpless. But I got through it. I hope I get through this. Please any advice? Is this hocd?? Does anyone else feel this way?

Sexual Orientation OCD

Username: anotherocd123

Date posted: 5y ago

Okay so I have been struggling with HOCD for so fucking long. I never felt like I had crushes on boys growing up but I wasn’t attracted to girls either (this was through 5th grade). Until 6th grade hit. I remember it like it was yesterday. I had the thought walking up the stairs and it was “You’re lesbian.” And ever since that thought was there and I fought it I have been dealing with all types of OCD ever since (been going on for 7 years). And only this year I found it was OCD. But it’s hard because I don’t know if I’m actually gay or I convinced myself I’m gay because I gave up and gave in. Now whenever I see I pretty girl I feel tingling. And I wanted to prove to myself that I wasn’t a lesbian so I look up pretty pictures of girls with their boobs out and I loved it. And I wanna make out with a girl so intensely. But then at the same I don’t wanna be in a relationship with a girl and I wanna marry a guy and I just desperately wanted to be like by a guy. But I get so horny whenever girls are in bikinis and stuff. But I have OCD and I’m so confused.

Username: Ridethewave

Date posted: 5y ago

HOCD, ROCD and TOCD . . . So my OCD recently all began with ROCD, I felt guilty all the time with my boyfriend, I wanted to stay with him so bad and I love him so much but my anxiety kept telling me to leave and that something wasn't right, that I'm going to be alone forever. Then my HOCD came up, "something doesn't seem right, what if you're actually gay?" and I struggled with this for about 2-3 months. After accepting that even if I am gay, I'm staying with my boyfriend.. The theme of being a transgender came up. That was the absolute worst of them all. It was at a time my anxiety was at its Peak so I was feeling disassociated and my mind just tried to explain that feeling as "you're in the wrong body". I was thoroughly convinced I was a man in a girls body for a solid 3 weeks, I woke up and that was the first thing on my mind "your a man and now youre going to lose your boyfriend, your life and everything that makes you, you." I didn't want to be a man, but my mind was saying "too bad, you are". I eventually went to therapy for this feeling, (they didn't diagnose me with OCD so they weren't treating me as an OCD patient) the thoughts eventually went away but now I'm back on my HOCD. Ive now thorougly convinced myself that I'm gay and will be with a woman for the rest of my life. I don't want to be and this thought scares me. I want to be with my boyfriend, not a woman. But my mind is saying "too bad, just accept that your a lesbian, you're in denial, just come out" but I don't want to be a lesbian ? can anyone relate to the feeling of convincing yourself to the point where you believe it?

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