The worst day of my life

I think I may have had the worst day of my life yesterday. It started when I struggled with sleeping, only getting three or so hours in before waking up at 6am. Around 8 I had a bad panic attack. I haven't had one that bad in a long time. I had to call my mom to come hang out with me until it passed. Then I finally got some more sleep, not enough still but a few more hours at least until my partner got home from work. They were tired so I had my mom take me to the grocery store so I could get something for dinner for us but we didn't make it there. We got in a car wreck. No one was seriously hurt thankfully. I was pretty shaken up, we both were. I had another panic attack from it in the parking lot of some random hair salon that we pulled into to get off the road. I already feel pretty invisible and like I don't matter so when the paramedic only asked me if I was ok and I said "I think so" it hurt my feelings a little that he left and never checked back on us. Someone else did add before leaving that we could go to the ER if we wanted but it just made me sad to feel so dismissed after getting into an accident. It didn't help that the police officer was a little combative too. We had to wait there for a good 45 minutes before we could finally go home. Of course, with my OCD, I had to shower right when we got home before doing anything because I was "dirty" for going outside. That was frustrating, I couldn't even sit down for a second first. And now it's the next day and I'm still so utterly exhausted and my poor partner, it was there car and they've had to be on the phone with insurance and stuff so they're pretty stressed about everything too and I feel like the absolute worst partner because I can't be there for them more or comfort them. With my OCD I can't even hug them unless I know we're showering afterwards. :( Plus it was partly my fault for the wreck since I was the one that asked to go to the store. If I didn't none of that would of happened. There was a lot of reasons it happened though so I don't fully blame myself and I'm not beating myself up too much but still. Worst day of my life I think and today isn't much better.

Flower1004

Date posted: 24w

It’s been getting worse..

Just sorta to vent and maybe get advice… I normally struggle with OCD and other MH/ medical issues.. I’ve sorta become acclimated to the stress, pain, mind games, and constant perfectionism. I thought I had it under control but this OCD has just been creeping back in small ways over time. I’ve caught myself doing behaviors and not feeling able to stop it. (This is combo of OCD but not sure how to categorize it all) - compulsively counting body movements til it’s the right number and feeling - adjusting papers/rewritten notes numerous times - irrational thoughts of my new pup being dead when I check on her - irrational thoughts that I don’t love my partner or he doesn’t love me after almost 10 years - every plate, cup, utensil has to be properly inspected before being able to use it - food can not have day of expiration (or even close to it) or a weird look or smell = it is inedible - recent close call accident led to dread driving and constant thoughts of a crash even though I did what I could and didn’t crash The list just keeps going.. but it has simply been a struggle that has lead me to feeling self conscious, unprofessional, childish, ashamed, and crazy. It’s a hard thing to accept that this has begun to return after finding ways to cope and manage in the past. I am struggling with finding ways to cope with it all cuz it is constantly disturbing my relationship, work, and personal well being Well that’s my truth for the day

winterdays

Date posted: 22w

A really crappy year.

Sorry for the long post but I really need to vent. It’s really not a good period. It hasn’t been for a year now. There have been highs and lows, but the truth is I never addressed my problems, never tried to solve them but just pretended they weren’t there. I reached my lowest point this time last year, my OCD had never been worse, I was extremely burnt-out and couldn’t study anymore. And since then, I haven’t been able to study. Everytime I try I get a panic attack. OCD gets better then it gets worse. I probably have ADHD as well, and my parents probably still believe I’m making it all up. They tell me to “try harder” but I really, really can’t, and I’ve tried. And let’s add to all this all the people who have broken my heart, both exes and friends; and they just go on with their lives like they didn’t break me. I also had to quit my job (where they treated me like crap) and had to listen to them tell me that I’m an egoistic person and other awful things I will not say. Yeah, this last year has been the worst. I have come to the point where I can’t pretend anymore. I can’t pretend everything is fine. I’ve come to the point where I can’t leave the house without having panic attacks and fearing I’m going to die. This Monday I have my first appointment with a therapist. I’m a pessimist person usually but this time I feel hopeful. Maybe because I think it can’t get worse than this.

Young adults with OCD

BigGyro09

Date posted: 19w

Life kinda just sucks right now 18+ only

Never feels like I can fully put my mind to rest. The problem with OCD for me is once I'm over one worry there's another buried deep into my mind that I'm not fully over. The two events I'm not completely over is when I tried to help a 17 year old with POCD when I was 19 and the topics unfortunately were detailed and even then I explained to them I wasn't comfortable with talking to them. I guess I just had a hard time saying no to someone needing help but it eventually made me so uncomfortable that I stopped talking with them altogether at some point. Then the other thing is being so worried that I committed a crime because my elbow touched someone's behind when I didn't want that to happen at all. I didn't want to listen to my OCD by saying move my arm or something horrible is going to happen so I didn't and then something bad actually did happen. I thought it would just be a light touch while zipping a bag up but then it was worse than I ever wanted it to be and it was so awkward and I hated it. I feel like I just won't be able to get back to the way I was before OCD started all of this. Aside from that I've just had extreme health anxiety but am too afraid to reach out to a PCP even though I need to. Something deep down is telling me I should do this but I'm just so anxious and embarrassed about sharing things to them. I can't even enjoy the things I used to do because this is constantly just messing up my life. I'm hoping I get a start of positivity next time I see my therapist. This just sucks. Feels like others around me are doing so much better than I am and I'm just kind of stuck on these same problems and feeling absolute shame and guilt from the past over and over again. I'm just so sick of dealing with this every single day so I just use escape whenever I can. Even that doesn't really work. I just wish I could go back in time.

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The worst day of my life

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