- Date posted
- 1y
Restaurant
Going to a restaurant for this tasting. My friend is late and we need to walk. The tickets were free so it doesn’t totally matter. I’m having a lot of catastrophizing thoughts.
Going to a restaurant for this tasting. My friend is late and we need to walk. The tickets were free so it doesn’t totally matter. I’m having a lot of catastrophizing thoughts.
Ah man, that sounds really disappointing about the restaurant, I’m sorry you experienced that. Sometimes my thoughts ramp up and get really intense. It makes me think, “whoa, how did I get here? Just a while ago I was fine. This seems like such a small thing but now it’s gotten bigger.” I don’t really know yet how I should deal with that best. But I do know, that my thoughts have less power when I don’t push them away. I saw this cool video of guy sharing a visualization technique for OCD and it’s been helping me a lot. I picture a party! With decorations and music and food and all sorts of things I like. And then my thoughts come and they try to crash the party. And they expect me to say, “nooooo, get out! You’re not welcome here!” But instead, I put a party hat on them and say, “hey thoughts! Welcome to the party. Make yourself comfortable, mingle!” And they thoughts are so shocked that they’re like, “wh- wh- what?!” Anyways 😅, I’m kinda rambling, but you get the point.
Went and my coworker was there with her boyfriend and a couple friend of theirs. I feel weird about did me and my friend crash their group hang because they invited us to sit with them but it is what it is. I’m went and stayed despite feeling a lot of discomfort.
Because you are tuned into them. Try and tune them out. The more tuned in you are, the more the thoughts will attack your mind. Remember, you are the one that's real. Not them
My last and almost life long theme/sub-theme largely subsided recently and my ocd felt like it wasn’t even an issue. Then I went on winter break from uni and being alone made my mind come up with a whole new topic to obsess over. TLDR on my fears, my advisor wouldn’t email me back for a while about signing up for classes so my mind started to worry “what if he doesn’t in time and you can’t enroll this semester and you lose this whole life you just built and all these new friends” So when that issue was resolved my mind found other scarier ways I could be uprooted from my current life and friends that I’ve grown so attached to. Then my mind remembered back when I was struggling with false memories and scrupulosity and I essentially made a post on a forum 2 and a half years ago saying I did something or was convinced I did something that I never actually did. Now I’ve been spiraling about someone finding it reporting me and I either get seen as a horrible person or arrested or something over something I never actually did but “admitted” to out of fear of going to hell. My mind won’t let it go and keeps finding new reasons for it to be “valid” “logical” or even inevitable. I feel like it’s just hanging over my head and I can never rest easy. Especially when I try to focus on my daily tasks or plan for the future I get this horrible flair up of “why plan for the future when this could come back in that future and you get uprooted from all of it” my mind won’t rest without certainty being uprooted won’t happen but certainty doesn’t exist, at least not with ocd. This sucks and I miss being care free.
Currently having a mental breakdown as I have to get on a plane by myself for the first time. It just feels like since I’ll be alone everything will go wrong and I don’t want that. All of the flights I’ve been on have been mostly smooth. It’s a short flight but I just can’t get the imagine of me dying alone out of my head. I’ll go a couple hours being fine about it to freaking out. Also, a side from safety I just hate being up in the air with no where to go. I genuinely can’t comprehend it and now I have to do it by myself.
(21+ ONLY: TRIGGER WARNING) I have therapy today and I’m nervous. I just started going to therapy and I really like my therapist. She talked to me about doing ERP and I’m really nervous about it. I’m scared to tell her the extent of my OCD, and my themes. I’m scared to tell her about my false memory OCD, because I’m scared that what I did was real and I’m just excusing it as false memory, although I have no memory of it. I’m scared that I am truly a monster and I’m using OCD as an excuse—and that she’ll find out and distance herself. I’m just scared that my whole world is gonna fall apart, all around me.
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