Restaurant

so I scheduled my free call today, then I had this anxiety that maybe I shouldn't do this, I dont have ocd, im faking it all, blah blah. So I canceled it- fear that I'll waste there time and yeah. I also fear I'll get locked into paying for something I dont need even though this call is free, and also think i was lying to them for attention as I think all my symptoms are fake and it's all in my head and im just dramatic😅 Idk if this was a mistake or not, I want to know i rlly do but that nagging fear is stopping me.(sorry if i repeated anything)

For context: ive been diagnosed with arfid. But my brain refuses to accept it and that i don’t have an issue with eating. So this past weekend has been anything but chill. Today felt like the tip of the iceberg. My mom called me out for having an irrational fear of food textures, food appearances, and smells i find distasteful and told me i just let myself get too carried away by the “what if” “could be” “might be” “looks like/smells like/tastes like..” thoughts. I just have to get over it essentially and stop giving it too much meaning. Its ridiculous. I was taken aback cos we weren’t even talking about food to begin with and it just sort of came up with her. Still in disbelief and so frustrated. Seriously thinking about just isolating myself and not talk to anyone about anything cos i don’t know what to do anymore.

Yesterday night I drank a bit too much and felt like I wasn’t in as much control as I’d like to have been. I took an uber with some friends home and we had a really chill driver, my friend was having a good conversation with him in the front seat and the driver seemed to be chipper and in a good mood the entire ride (which I feel like is good for me in this situation). Anyways, I woke up this morning anxious that I said something or did something bad in the uber because I remembered there was a front facing dash cam and being around video or audio recording spikes my fear of being cancelled (especially things that passively record like ring door bells or dash cams). I asked my friends if I said anything bad, the one in the front seat said not to their knowledge and the one on the back said no but I was speaking in an accent for a little bit to them quietly (which is what im worried about since it could be seen as offensive or insensitive). The front seat friend said they didn’t even hear anything and they both assure me its fine but im terrified of the dash cam having audio and the driver posting me all over social media saying something and cancelling me to people who know me/career.