- Username
- clouds10
- Date posted
- 40w ago
Is my trauma causing OCD symptoms, or do I have HOCD?
Trauma or OCD or Both?
It's been a couple of years going through my mental health journey. Long story short I had an identity crisis after smoking a lot of weed consistently. Psychosis runs in my family along with some other mental health issues. I started to question everything about myself I broke down in front of coworkers and they started tormenting me. Purposefully taking fallic shaped objects and dangling them around my face. Telling me I'm gay, purposefully triggering me by messaging me you don't know who you are multiple times a day. It was psychological warfare. Everytime I tried to stand up for myself my body would freeze and I would go into survival mode. I would black out and suppress these memories to make myself feel better. It became a habit. At home I was also getting bullied by people that I thought were friends. One of them grabbed my testicles and told me to repeat after me "you're gay". I remember repeating "you're gay" back to him as I was in survival mode and had no control of my body or mind in the moment. I couldn't even see clearly or hear my own voice. This happened 3 more times. I now think I say my trauma out loud after I'm triggered. I believe I go back into my trauma moments and repeat things people may have said to me while I was "spaced out" in the past. I have some memories but they are very foggy and I feel as though I can't trust my own mind right now. I'm scared to go into any social situations because I'm afraid I may say my trauma responses out loud. So do I have HOCD which is then triggering my trauma? Can trauma create OCD type symptoms? I am doing trauma threapy but should I be more focused on OCD therapy?