bm111111

Date posted: 1y

😓

I'm really saddened by the effects of all this. Like, there's this constant thought that I've done something bad to my little cousin that prevents me from acting normally with him, it breaks my heart because he likes me a lot, he's never acted like I'm a danger to him, the only thing he does most is give me affection and I'm often unable to receive it because of this fear of being a possible danger to him. My aunt often says that he wouldn't act like this if something bad had happened, and that comforts me, but then I think, "What if he didn't notice? What if he was asleep at the time? What if his mind went blank and he didn't even know anything bad had happened?" These thoughts scare me, it's as if I'll never know for sure and I know we have to deal with uncertainty, but how do we do that when it involves something so serious?

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

I was in a similar situation before. The only thing I can say, is that if you genuinely wanted to hurt him, you wouldn't be worrying about it so much.

bm111111

Date posted: 1y

It makes sense. I don't know, I think OCD is very tricky and anxiety ends up hindering the process of thinking clearly

bm111111

Date posted: 1y

I realized that I explained my thoughts a bit wrong in the post. He was actually asleep, it's just that it was morning and we were starting to wake up (me, my aunt and him) so I ended up putting it as if he was already awake. In fact, my aunt says that nothing happened, but something in my mind says things like "What if she was still asleep and doesn't remember?". Anyway, look how the simple fact that I typed something wrong makes me think it's a sign that I'm a bad person 😓

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

@bm111111 You're not a bad person. Your brain is thinking of the worst case scenario. I do the same thing, I seek reassurance but then question it, "what if they're just saying that to comfort me?" "what if they don't remember?" "what if they're trying to deceive me, am I being manipulated?". It's never ending and I understand. Try to distract yourself. It's the only temporary relief I get.

bm111111

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous It's exactly this kind of question that's on my mind all day, it's as if there's no solution, as if there's no way out, my mind always creates the worst possible scenario. I'm trying to occupy my mind with other things but it always comes back. I know ERP helps, but I'm going through so much that I feel incapable of dealing with high doses of anxiety. Anyway, I hope you get well and I hope I get well too

ConfusedDrew

Date posted: 1y

hey bm111111 i'd love to help you, what you believe happened with your cousin would you say it falls under pocd?

bm111111

Date posted: 1y

I think so, but sometimes it feels like I've hurt him in some other way. I don't know how to explain it, it's like a mixture of the two perhaps?

ConfusedDrew

Date posted: 1y

@bm111111 - I see, and only you remember this right? or did someone else mention something along those lines and it stuck with you ever since?

bm111111

Date posted: 1y

@ConfusedDrew Just me. Deep down I have the feeling that I just had intrusive thoughts that day and now for some reason my mind works as if they were actions rather than bad thoughts

bm111111

Date posted: 1y

@ConfusedDrew I realized that I explained my thoughts a bit wrong in the post. He was actually asleep, it's just that it was morning and we were starting to wake up (me, my aunt and him) so I ended up putting it as if he was already awake. In fact, my aunt says that nothing happened, but something in my mind says things like "What if she was still asleep and doesn't remember?". Anyway, look how the simple fact that I typed something wrong makes me think it's a sign that I'm a bad person 😓

ConfusedDrew

Date posted: 1y

@bm111111 - i see what your saying, it sounds like your minds playing tricks on you and rather the initial thought be rejected you believed it causing these current issues. from what it seems I also don't believe anything happened but you need to convince yourself that it hasn't the best way to do this in my opinion would be to ''logic it out'' notice how everyone else has told you it's fine, your cousin never told you something happened. Believe them and trust in what you're told and over time you'll accept everything's ok.

bm111111

Date posted: 1y

@ConfusedDrew I'm trying to think logically too, I'm just trying to believe, but it's as if OCD makes all the evidence seem dubious. Sometimes I even think that the only way to be 100% okay would be to go back in time, I know, it's completely clueless because it's impossible. Despite the anxiety and despair these thoughts cause me, I'm trying my best 😓

ConfusedDrew

Date posted: 1y

@bm111111 - sometimes all we can do is our best give it time try to stay calm and negate those thoughts when they come up distract yourself

bm111111

Date posted: 1y

@ConfusedDrew I will! Thanks for talking to me, it helped a lot

andrea_sam730

Date posted: 18w

I’m feeling bad now and scared

Hey everyone, I’m going through something that really shook me up and triggered my OCD. Today I was talking to my mom about how people in our family have been talking badly about my cousin, who’s 17 and pregnant. I haven’t told my cousin anything about what they’re saying, because I don’t want to add any stress to her. I’ve honestly tried to protect her from all the drama. But then my mom told me to be careful about what I say to her, because she’s really worried my cousin could have a miscarriage from stress. She said if that happened and I had told my cousin anything, it would be my fault. I think my mom meant it out of concern, like she just wants to protect my cousin—but the way she said it came off as really harsh and it hurt me. Especially because I’ve never said anything to my cousin and I would never want to cause her any stress. Now my OCD is grabbing onto that fear. Even though I haven’t done anything wrong, it’s making me feel like, “What if something happens to the baby and it somehow ends up being your fault?” Logically, I know that doesn’t make sense. But the guilt and anxiety feel so real, and it’s hard to shake.

str4berrycoo...

Date posted: 17w

how i deal with the "what ifs" (+18)

i feel like i have been posting a lot about this and i will try to stop since now but i just don't know where to start or what to do, and i can't take therapy right now either. my event is about something that did actually happen; i had a boyfriend and we had a 1.5 age difference (i know this sounds stupid) but the thing is that we both started to sext a lot since he was 14 and i was 15. we shared audios videos pictures ect and i don't know how to just let this go, even when i know that i never really forced him into anything and i was always constantly worried about him being comfortable, when to stop and ect. the memories keep coming back to my mind and the guilt is eating me up slowly because i keep thinking that i'm a predator or a groomer or something like that. i don't know how to deal with the what ifs either, lately i haven't stopped thinking what if i sexually harassed or sexually exploited him or something like that. how do i deal with the cycle of guilt and constant what ifs if i also feel like my event is worse than others i've seen? please help me with this. it's getting a lil tiring and even if somedays i know how to deal with this, i still get really triggered sometimes. this wouldn't even bother me before, i wish i could just get back in time before this theme popped into my mind. my life has been a hell since then and i live constantly scared and suicidal.

sanshine

Date posted: 16w

I'm scared....

𝕊𝕔𝕒𝕣𝕪 𝕚𝕟𝕔𝕚𝕕𝕖𝕟𝕥 😞𝕋𝕎𝕋𝕎𝕋𝕎 ℙ𝕃𝔼𝔸𝕊𝔼 𝔻𝕆ℕ'𝕋 ℝ𝔼𝔸𝔻 𝕀𝔽 𝔼𝔸𝕊𝕀𝕃𝕐 𝔻𝕀𝕊𝕋𝕌ℝ𝔹𝔼𝔻 𝔹𝕐 𝕋ℍ𝔼𝕄𝔼𝕊 𝕎𝕀𝕋ℍ 𝕂𝕀𝔻𝕊 hi everyone, I am really struggling with something disturbing and I'm so afraid I'm a PDF. So my sis came to visit with my nephew for the first time. So the other day we were taking pics with the baby I was already feeling kinda nervous cuz I never held a baby before. Anyway it was my turn and I like I wonder if this would sexually stimulate him( not exactly the thought but the of thought was more graphic and I don't wanna disturb anyone). And I can't remember if I thought that while I was bumping him on my stomach (like how people bump babies on their hips) or before I started doing so. Anyways I can't really remember what my reaction to that thought was or if I started bumping him before or after I had that thought... So I tried not to think much of it but over time I started to spiral really bad and wonder why I thought that and why then I would bump him on my stomach after having that thought or during. I just feel so disgusted. Like was I curious about it? Did I disregard the thought because my brain thinks disturbing things? Ik right now away from that situation that ofc I have no sexual interest in my nephew at all. I played with him and helped changed diaper and everything and never had the urge to do anything inappropriate to him besides that one weird instance. So like I'm so disturbed like did that mean something? I have P OCD but that didn't really feel like an intrusive thought? I also can be very impulsive, and if it was impulsive does that mean I had a desire? Now I'm terrified of having kids even though I wanted some or to foster some. I mean I know but myself I'm not sexually attracted to kids but then why would I think that I am so disturbed really and feel so sick. 😞😞😞😞 I don't know what to do I'm so scared about what my motivation was I feel so bad and scared😞😞😞😞

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