first kiss

so me and my boyfriend just kissed. it was my first kiss and his. i was playing with his hair like putting it in a ponytail then i said “can we kiss” and he’s asked me before and i kinda avoided it because of hocd and rocd. we both went in but didn’t really like pucker or anything and im so embarrassed and i didn’t feel ANYTHING. it was so awkward after and we just said i’m sorry and moved on but like i didn’t feel anything, except anxiety after because i didn’t feel anything. i would just say our lips touched for like a second like nothing even happened. please help me

Username: LissyDollLissyDoll

Date posted: 48w ago

My first kiss was terrible and I remember feeling heartbroken thinking it was supposed to be this magical moment- and then I hated myself trying to figure out what was wrong with me for not feeling anything. I cried over it, I didn’t know I had ocd back then, but now looking back at that memory it’s really clear to me that I was having OCD. I had a few more awkward kisses, but eventually I kissed someone and it was good. and now I look back on my first kiss and smile, I think it’s funny now. Even if it wasn’t what you think it should have been like- never forget that moment. One day you will grow up and look back and cherish the memory of what it was like to be young and experience these new things for the first time

Username: user74128588493user74128588493

Date posted: 48w ago

i’m also scared i don’t feel good enough when he touches me and i’m scared i want it more with a girl

Username: _egg_egg

Date posted: 48w ago

@user74128588493 It sounds like you have been through a lot today and you aren’t alone. You’re handling things so well by coming on here to find some support in your ocd 💕 what you’re going through isn’t easy for anyone let alone someone with ocd. When I had my first kiss I had no idea I was queer I also didn’t know I had contamination ocd and felt dirty afterwards. If you are queer or not I just want to be the first person to say you’re accepted and welcomed in this world just as you are without judgment or hesitation.

Username: I wish this was easierI wish this ...

Date posted: 48w ago

My first kiss was when I was 25, with my first girlfriend, and it was so underwhelming. My nervousness overshadowed everything, I was still dealing with so much anxiety and shame over my body. I didn't even know I was living OCD at the time. But the memory was good, having someone be gentle with me was good. I went on to fall in love with that girl, the kisses got better, and then I dated someone new. I liked kissing the new person but didn't like them as a person. Things got a lot easier when I figured out I was Grey Asexual (and Grey Aromantic is also an identity). That is all to say, it's a journey and there are bumps. If you continue to date this boy and you like him, you don't have to kiss him if that's not what feels right.

Username: Elicambel

Date posted: 25w ago

triggered

so about 2 weeks ago me and my girlfriend had our first kiss and afterwards i felt very uncomfortable and off and very like dirty and i felt really upset and i couldn’t pinpoint why but i eventually did, and i think it may of been a trigger because in the past i was sexually assaulted so it may have been an unexpected trigger for me, and now i feel like I’ve lost some feelings of attraction and it’s scaring me because i don’t want to not be attracted to my girlfriend and i also have become quite numb to my feelings for her, i hope it’s temporary thought but it may be my mind protected itself by suppressing my feelings and attraction and making me numb because of the sexual assault and the kiss i think triggered me, but im not sure, im really confused and could use some advice

Username: avaviolet

Date posted: 24w ago

Rocd

How do I know if it's rocd or how I actually feel? I don't want to lose him because I know id never find another person like him. I am only 15 but I really did feel that he was the love of my life before the thoughts. I still feel like he is but I feel like I don't love him. Every single person in my life tells me that the way I act around him hasn't changed at all. We've been together for 11 months and this has only been an issue after I stopped taking the microgynon 30 birth control pill about a month and a half ago. I only took it for 6 weeks to help with my period pains. Id never thought about not loving him before. I just want to love him again. I've never been happier than before this. I've been in love with him since we met when we were 11 and it only took him 3 years to ask me out. I don't want to lose him or the future we planned together, or his family or his cats. I just really don't feel like I love him and when I'm really deep in a spiral I can't tell if I even want to love him. I just want it back and I wish this never happened to me. Please help me love him again

Username: laurfe7

Date posted: 18w ago

feel like giving up…

I know I love my boyfriend but I have this constant weight in my chest then I get anxious that I don’t actually love him. What can I do 😭😭 We almost broke up yesterday and I finally had some emotion to the fact of him leaving bc of my rocd. I lost it. I don’t want to lose him but I have no feelings towards him. I’m not excited, I am fearful. I’m scared. Please help me

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