I am not sure what to do anymore

I have had ocd since I was about 11, but just recently was diagnosed with it. My current obsession is that I could be a narcissist. I do have some narcissistic tendencies, but I read that everyone does. I would say I have empathy, I get incredibly sad whenever my family fights, I can't see people cry… I have the urge to hug them. I love listening to people and helping them … but then I also snap at people and I sometimes get jealous, I don’t think i am better than everyone, not in the slightest, I genuinely feel like I don’t deserve the life I have, but the other day I basically had a thought that I was better looking than my cousin. I am so scared to be a narcissist because I don’t want to hurt the people I love and I also don’t want to be manipulative, I want to be a good person. l

alissaa

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

I dont want to give you reassurance, but I do want to state a fact. A narcissist will never make a post like this. A narcissist would also never care if they’re hurting the people they love or if they’re being manipulative. I have been abused by a narcissist. This post alone is enough to assure me you are not one. Please just treat this like any other OCD theme. Sit with the uncertainty. “I may or may not be a narcissist”. Not sure if you’re in therapy but writing ERP scripts about being a narcissist would be apart of the treatment. Good luck friend

Meowko

Date posted: 1y

@alissaa Thank you so much, I was just afraid because I feel like I am too obsessed with how I look, I am very insecure and I feel like I try so hard to be confident and fake this confidence when I know I only look decent in pictures with a bunch of makeup in my face, but then again also my other narcissistic tendencies, I already asked my loved ones for reassurance and they all said I am not a narcissist so thank you for your fact, I really really appreciate it so so much, I am so scared and I will keep that in mind, I am starting ERP Therapy on Thursday. :D Thank you again, good luck to you as well. 🙏🏼

alissaa

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

@Meowko Therapy will change your life for the better :) OCD is egodystonic and attacks the things we value the most. You must really value how you show up in the world and how you treat others. Be brave during treatment. You will have to face these fears head on. Don’t be discouraged if you still continue to question if you’re a narcissist. OCD is like playing whack-a-mole. You’ll come up with 100 more doubts and questions. This is why reassurance doesn’t work. Its an endless hamster wheel of obsession and compulsion. Sitting with the uncertainty is key. I will keep you in my thoughts ❤️

Meowko

Date posted: 1y

@alissaa You are a very kind soul, thank you so much. You really are giving me so much hope and you make me look forward to therapy, I have no idea what to expect and I heard it’s challenging at first, but thank you really for also taking anxiety from me about my first Therapy session. I genuinely appreciate you so much, I will also keep you in my thoughts. I wish you the best, thank you thank you thank you !!

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